Denver Newsroom, May 8, 2020 / 05:29 pm (CNA).- Mother’s Day is going to look different for most families this year, due to the coronavirus pandemic.
For Catholics, some churches are in the process of slowly re-opening public Masses, but the dispensation from the Sunday obligation continues to stand, as the virus has not gone away and a cure or vaccine has yet to be found.
While most Catholics are eager to return to Mass, a small group of Catholics are relieved that they will not be sitting in a public pew this Mother’s Day.
“We actually heard from one woman who said, ‘I kind of feel badly about saying this, but I’m sort of glad that we won’t be in the pews this year for Mother’s Day,’” Ann Koshute, founder of Springs in the Desert Catholic ministry, told CNA.
“That’s something that we hear and that everybody I think on the team has experienced at one point in this journey,” she said – the desire to avoid Mass on Mother’s Day. That’s because Koshute, along with other members of her ministry, have had painful experiences with infertility, and the customary Mother’s Day blessing given to mothers at many parishes that day can bring their grief and sense of loss poignantly to the fore.
“I think that so often people in our own families, our friends, and even our pastors don’t really understand the full extent of the pain and the grief or even the full extent of the issue of infertility, of how many couples are really dealing with it,” she said.
The pain of infertility, and the lack of resources available to Catholics on the subject, was why Koshute and her friend, Kimberly Henkel, founded Springs in the Desert, a Catholic ministry to spiritually and emotionally support women and couples experiencing infertility and infant loss. Originally, Henkel and Koshute, who have both experienced infertility, thought they might write a book. But they decided to start with a ministry website and a blog that could bring people together and allow for other women and couples to share their experiences. The group is relatively new, and held its first retreat in Philadelphia in December. They were set to hold a second one this weekend – Mother’s Day weekend – in the Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend, when, well, the pandemic hit.
Now, they’ve moved the retreat online and opened it up to Catholics across the country – and they’ve been overwhelmed by the response.
“We thought that we would be really excited if maybe a couple dozen people found out about it and came. We are over 100 participants now. And it’s free and it’s going to be available all weekend,” Koshute said. The retreat is trying to address the emotional and spiritual experience of infertility and loss for a broad range of people, Henkel said – from mothers who have miscarried, to women who are past child-bearing years and still grieving the loss of infertility, to women “who feel like their biological clocks are ticking and just haven’t met the right guy.” But now that it’s a virtual, pre-recorded, watch-at-your-leisure retreat, it also has the potential to reach a population that is often more reluctant to gather in groups and talk about their experiences of infertility: men. “It’s mostly women who are emailing us (about the retreat), although we know that many of their husbands will watch with them. But we’ve also had a few men email us,” Koshute said.
“One in particular, it just really touched my heart. And he said that he was searching the web for help for his wife on Mother’s Day. And I was just so filled with praise and thanksgiving to God for that, for a husband to see that hurt in his wife and to want to find a way to help her,” she added. Men and women typically experience the grief of infertility quite differently, Koshute noted. “For us women, it’s so visceral because life is conceived within us and we carry that life. But for a man, it’s so different,” she said.
“(Men are) kind of distant from that experience until the child is actually born. And so I think many times men, the grief and the burden that they carry is their wife’s. They really carry her sadness and I think feel at a loss because they want to make everything right. They want to fix this, and they want to make her whole. And the mystery of infertility is that it’s not that simple. And that’s one of the things that makes it so difficult,” she said. Henkel said she experienced her own difficulties in trying to discuss infertility with her husband. Now that they’ve experienced the joy of growing their family through adoption, she said, he is much more open to inviting other men to share their experiences. Henkel said she is hoping that an additional benefit of this retreat being online is that it will facilitate discussions between couples watching the videos together. Both Henkel and Koshute said that while the experience of infertility and loss is painful, and they want to help couples acknowledge and accept that pain, they also want Springs in the Desert to be a positive and supportive experience for couples and women, where they can find hope and redemption even in their suffering. One of the topics they focus on is how all women are called to motherhood in their lives, whether it is spiritual or biological.
“My experience has shown me that my motherhood is really engaged in so many ways that I never considered before,” Koshute said.
“Not just with my godson or with other children in my family, but with women who are older than I who are friends and who might come to me with a difficulty or problem and I can help them,” or by helping family members in need or through charitable works, she added. “That’s one of the messages that we try to get across to women and to couples as well, that those kinds of things, what we would maybe refer to as spiritual motherhood, is not illegitimate,” she said.
“It’s not second-place. It’s a real way of engaging and living out our motherhood. It’s also not a replacement for a baby. So it’s not as if you go out and volunteer in your community and now you won’t have this longing for a child anymore. But we’ve really found through our own experience and through talking with other women that the more we kind of put ourselves out there and give ourselves to others, the more that we can begin to see that motherhood enacted in us.”
Henkel said she also likes to encourage couples to look at the ways God is calling them to be fruitful in their marriages outside of biological children.
“We really encourage these couples that they are not forgotten, they’re not being punished. That God loves them so much and that he has something amazing for them. He’s using this to draw them near to him and to allow them to cry out to him and ask for him to guide them, to lead them, to give them his love and show them what fruitfulness he has for them, what place in ministry and mission he has for them.” Henkel and her husband in particular like to share with couples their experience of foster care as one example of where God might be calling them to be fruitful. After a frustrating and expensive experience with some adoption agencies, Henkel and her husband decided to look into giving a home to children through foster care.
“Here is a situation where these children really need families,” she said. “It’s hard because there’s no guarantee you’re going to get to keep this child, so there’s a sense of this new greater level of having to learn how to trust God.” “I think that with a couple discerning that fruitfulness, it’s also discerning – where is God really calling you? There’s so much need in this world. And he wants to use us.”
Couples interested in the Springs in the Desert Mother’s Day weekend retreat can sign up for free online at the Springs in the Desert website. Content will be uploaded and available for anyone who registers, Henkel said, even if they register late. The retreat team will also be hosting a live talk on Sunday, May 10 at 2 p.m. Eastern on the ministry’s Facebook page.
“There’s a place for you in Springs of the Desert,” Henkel added. “There’s so many women who have reached out to us in Philly. We added several more women to our group, to our team, our official team, women who came to the retreat. One woman had come there and she said she had had a miscarriage, and neither one of us has experienced that. So we said, please join us. We want your voice.”
“We’re trying to really bring the voices of many different women to our team so that people will feel there is somebody that is talking they can really relate to. Because there are all of these different situations, but they’ve got obviously a very similar undercurrent.”
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Kudos to Bishop Barron!
Amen!🙏
It would be nice if the Bishop could be a little less of a cheerleader for Trump? Balance anyone?
Who would you rather he be a cheerleader for? President Kamala Harris?! Not likely, or for any other Democrat because almost all of the Democrats involved in politics or who currently serve in office are PRO-CHOICE, even to the point of allowing abortion through all nine months! (One exception is Dan Lipinski in Illinois, who served as Representative to Congress from 2005-2021, when radical Democrats who hated his pro-life stand and other conservative-leaning stands forced him out of office, no doubt with the votes of many dead Illinoisians. I know there are a still a few pro-life politicians in the Democratic Party–but only a few. Those dead Illinoisians vote for their extremely-liberal Democrat friends! (Actually I hope those dead Illinoisians are HAUNTING the Gov. Pritzker and his pals!)
First Lady Trump has been a Catholic all her life, and IMO, she is responsible for Donald Trump’s departure from his past “pagan” ways (which were often publicized in the tabloids–and were true!) and his entry into U.S. politics, including running for President. He could have spent all his time playing golf and attending rich people parties, but he chose to give all that up and serve his country.
Donald Trump has been a supporter with large financial donations to various charities and “good causes” for decades. E.g., years ago, a figure skating coach started a club in Harlem (NYC) for African American, Hispanic, and other girls who lived in Harlem. She spent her own money, and if you know anything about figure skating, it’s one of the most expensive sports–a pair of good figure skates will cost several hundred dollars, even a few thousand dollars, and a good coach will earn a salary of around $40-$80/lesson or more. The coach used all her savings and much of her income to try to keep the club afloat, and eventually, started appealing to various wealthy people in NYC. Pres. Trump (who for some reason has an interest in figure skating that he doesn’t publicize), stepped in and paid the bills for this organization for several months, and eventually other celebrities (possibly because of his involvement) got involved–and now the Board that helps govern and fundraise for FSH consists of other wealthy people, movie stars, and even Al Roker–who also attends the FSH ice shows and occasionally the competitions. FSC in Harlem has seen 99% of their skaters graduate from high school and avoid run-ins with the law or with drugs, and a sizeable percentage of these skaters (mainly girls) go on to earn college degrees and even advanced degrees–and then start giving back to the organization that gave them hope and helped THEM become high achievers. I think this act of charity, never publicized, makes it obvious that Donald Trump is worth “cheering” for, and I can’t help but wonder what other organizations he has stepped in and personally “Saved” with donations and encouragement. Oh, I know, he’s far from a moral paragon, but…he has been willing to step up and give up a retirement of golf and relaxation to spend many hours every day and even risk his life serving his country.
Also, please remember that none of Pres. Trump’s 5 children have been involved in any type of scandal or questionable behavior, and during his first term, when various media moguls started questioning Barron’s mental state (there was even conjecture among liberals and Democrats that the quiet young boy might be mentally-ill or worse), First Lady Trump moved herself and Barron OUT of the White House into their private apartment at the top of Trump Towers and had the boy schooled there–and obviously, Barron has turned out to be a fine young man. I remember at a funeral of one of family’s relatives died, Barron took his father’s arm and helped him up onto a curb at one point during or perhaps after the funeral–just a little gesture of kindness and respect, but what a difference between Barron Trump and Pres. Biden’s wayward son! Barron apparently ran the campaign to young voters during the 2024 campaign, and he was very successful.
You may not feel up to “cheering” for Pres. Trump, but recognize, please, the good things that he accomplished in his first term, and all the good things he HOPES to accomplish in his second term–barring constant interference and scandal-mongering from the Democrats “serving” (themselves?) in public office.
Trump is a disaster. A pseudo Fascist trying to institute a dictatorship. Barron is a Bishop thus should not be va cheerleader for either party.
Bishop Barron has an authentically Catholic intellectual and spiritual center from which he operates and so he will be a voice of reason and moderation on the Commission which might otherwise drift toward theocratic overreach and/or be dominated by an idolatrous form of Christian nationalism that needs to be checked. If he were any less Trump-friendly, he would not even have a seat at the table. Bishop Barron will make a sound, rational, principledcase for religious liberty and freedom of conscience, which is what we need–not a brash MAGA triumphalism that energizes secularists.
When Cupich and Tobin were cheerleaders for Biden were you as concerned? And serving on a commission is hardly cheerleading. Barron didn’t give TV interviews during the campaign like those two cardinals did.
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. How about bringing a little balance to your own perspective before judging others?
I see Bishop Barron beat up on regular basis by folks on either extreme, William. To me that suggests he’s balanced.
If both extremes attack you, you must be doing something right.
“‘What [Tolkkinen] and her colleagues fear the most are confident and assertive religious people who refuse to stay sequestered in private'”.
Example: Bishop Barron.
May his tribe increase.
But, but, sputter, sputter! We DO have an “established” national religion!
The subterfuge has been that Congress didn’t establish it. Rather, under the other two Executive and the Judicial Branches of government, Secular Humanism is now established. Note previous Executive Orders, decisions of the United States Supreme Court, e.g., Obergefell v. Hodges and, formerly, Roe v. Wade; and the more recent DEI agenda under the Department of Education and school bureaucracies at the State level.
The First Amendment restrains only Congress from establishing a national religion, but the Founding Fathers never guessed at the need to restrain the other two branches of the federal government, or the States.
The Religious Liberty Commission is not setting the clock back; it’s setting the clock right.
I have to agree with Mr. Beaulieu above that Secular Humanism is the de facto state religion, and not just in the U.S.
I would love to see Bishop Barron elevated to the Cardinalate. Loads of respect for him.
I’d like to see that, too. Bishop Barron does a great deal of good & he does much good behind the scenes also.
Sometimes when you read the comments you understand that projection isn’t just for devices in movie theatres.
Sheesh.
The valued signal from Bishop Barron rings true to the masses.
I must disagree with his appointment to Trump’s Religious Liberty Commission. Aligning with Trump’s leanings toward an autocracy could be enough, but his immoral penchant, spewing lies and hatred, resulting in violence, further darkens the image of a convicted felon, which should make any man of the cloth take pause. Moreover, hundreds of thousands of citizens demonstrating across the country, decrying the harsh and unlawful tactics.
Trump’s flawed mass deportation will never reach its goal. There are 11 million migrants in the US. VP John Donald Vance, a Catholic convert, said we will deport one million per year. 11 years? I ask Why are ICE “officers” wearing masks? Seems like there are ICE agents in every city. What is that costing us?
Moreover, the appointment of Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick (Chair) also causes me concern. Patrick has been a stalwart in trying to eliminate Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, and Critical Race Theory that are used to advance people of color. “Color blindness”? Also, Affirmative Action. I may be wrong, but all seem to hit on one note: suppression of non-whites. The voices for these classes seem to echo louder. “Driving brown beware” I admit I am not deeply educated on the subjects. So, please correct me.
Bishop Barron: Dictator “Relativism is a poison. It attacks our most human capacity, the capacity to seek and know the truth, including the moral truth. A dictatorship of relativism imposes by real cultural force (and even by political force) a no-standard standard, a command that all must imbibe this poison.”
The First Amendment to the Constitution prevents Congress from establishing a national religion — a position Barron agrees with — the second clause in the amendment bars Congress from interfering with the free exercise of religion.
Bishop Barron: Fight hard against any formal establishment of religion, but fight just as hard for the right to exercise religion in the public space.” Right on!
Recent news. Trump’s/Noem’s ICE runs rampant, AGAIN: ICE Masked Border Patrol agents detain a landscaper Narciso Barranco, after repeatedly hitting him and throwing him to the ground. He is the father of three sons who are all U.S. Marines.
https://ktla.com/news/local-news/santa-ana-landscaper-detained/
The Catholic Church has been very vocal regarding Trump’s mass deportation plan. I would like to know Bishop Barron’s opinion.
I ask Why are ICE “officers” wearing masks? ”
*****
What do you guess law enforcement agents wear masks for? Who might want to retaliate against them?
mrsc. I think you hit on the essence of my post. However, your eyes might be wide shut. I don’t mean to be rude, but I cannot find anything to support your hyperbole, just the opposite.
Reuters: Every day, in communities nationwide, police officers do their jobs with a high degree of transparency: The public can see the officers’ faces, badge numbers, rank and, in most instances, even their last names featured on uniforms. Though many cops are forced to deal with threats and violence, there isn’t a police department in the United States that allows officers to wear masks or hide their identities while they carry out day-to-day duties.
Thanks for your reply.
Bishop Barron stands head and shoulders above so many in the episcopate with his depth theological insight and his common sense. He is an authentic gift to the Church, domestically and internationally. He requires a more significant responsibility for the benefit all of us. We can be grateful that his voice is heard on the Religious Liberty Commission.
God willing, his talents will soon be recognized by a significant advancement in Church leadership.
God reward him.
morganD above – James David Vance.
An argument is only as strong as its weakest “fact”.
Sorry, Cleo. My keyboard is a challenge. I meant John Donald Vance.
Thanks.
The “Excited States” has many national religions – greed, lust, envy, etc,…..