Denver, Colo., Jun 23, 2017 / 03:22 am (CNA/EWTN News).- If a recent Vanity Fair issue is to be believed, there’s some disheartening news for single people: the “dating apocalypse,” brought on by wildly popular dating apps like “Tinder,” is upon us.
Young singles are too busy swiping left and right on their phones making shallow, transient connections, rather than finding real love with real people. Romance is dead, proposes author Nancy Jo Sales, in the September 2015 issue of the publication.
What sets Tinder apart from most other dating app or online dating experiences is speed and brevity. Based on a photo, first name, and age alone, users decide whether to swipe left (to pass) or right (to like). With GPS tracking, the app also tells users exactly how far away potential matches may be, making life even easier for those just looking for a quick hook-up.
Shallowest dating app ever?
The biggest criticism of Tinder? It’s a seriously shallow app that turns people into quickly-judged commodities on a screen.
In a 2013 article by The Guardian, “Tinder: the shallowest dating app ever?” author Pete Cashmore explains the ick-factor, yet addictiveness, of Tinder when compared to another dating app called Twine.
“Of the two apps, though, Tinder sounded worse, just because it seemed so contemptuously superficial. There are hundreds upon thousands of women, about whom you know almost nothing, and you snap-appraise them with a single swipe. It’s a finger-flicking hymn to the instant gratification of the smartphone age. It’s addictive.”
Matt Fradd is a Catholic speaker and author and founder of The Porn Effect, a website with a mission to “expose the reality behind the fantasy of pornography and to equip individuals to find freedom from it.” In his ministry, he’s heard a lot of stories from young people about their struggle to overcome objectifying people through porn.
Fradd had some harsh words for Tinder.
“Tinder exists for those who would rather not purchase a prostitute,” he told CNA.
“I would imagine most people who use that app aren’t there because they’re looking for a chaste relationship,” he added.
And indeed, quite a bit of colloquial evidence backs him up. Alex in the Vanity Fair article said dating apps have turned romance into a competition of “Who’s slept with the best, hottest girls?”
“You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day—the sample size is so much larger,” he said. “It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.”
But Tinder doesn’t always have to be that way, users argue. It is possible to find people on the app who want to go on some good old-fashioned dates.
Tinder users speak
Ross is a twenty-something Nebraska-to-New York City transplant and a cradle Catholic who’s used his fair share of both dating apps and sites. When signing up for Tinder, Ross said, probably the most important factor in whether someone will find potential dates or hook-ups is location, location, location.
“Your region matters so much,” he told CNA in an e-mail interview. “In Nebraska, women date on Tinder. They really do… In New York, (most) want a distraction, attention, and/or a hook up. Not emotion or connections.”
Holly, a twenty-something devout Catholic living in Kansas City, said she has had success finding a date – and a pretty decent one at that – on the app.
“I went on a great Tinder date. Granted it was the only Tinder date, but we even went out a few times before things ended. At the time Tinder sort of freaked me out, but I decided to jump in head first and it was an enjoyable experience over all,” she said.
Many young people who’ve used Tinder also argue that the “shallow” critique is a bit overblown, considering that dating always takes into account whether or not a potential mate is physically attractive.
“How is me swiping right on a guy that I find attractive, and swiping left (on those) that I’m not that into any different than someone approaching a guy that I find attractive in a bar? We make snap judgements all the time. Why is it suddenly so much worse if I’m doing it online?” asked Michelle, a twenty-something practicing Catholic who lives in Chicago.
While she’s definitely experienced the creepier side of Tinder – with guys sending her “rankings” on a scale of 1 to 10 and other, um, less-than-endearing messages, she said she found the app could be used as a way to maybe meet some new people in person and to get recommendations of things to do in the city.
“I think to immediately classify Tinder or any other dating app as a ‘hook-up’ app or as a very bad thing goes against the idea that things are morally neutral,” Michelle said. “Just like alcohol is not inherently bad but can be used for evil, I don’t think Tinder is inherently evil as well. I definitely think you can use Tinder if you’re using it to meet people – not to hook up with people.”
The morality of Tinder
It’s admittedly a bit difficult to find someone who can speak with moral authority specifically to dating apps in the Catholic world. Because of the very recent explosion of smartphones, followed by the subsequent explosion of dating apps, or because of vows of celibacy, many clergy and moral experts have actually never used dating apps themselves.
Fr. Gregory Plow, T.O.R., falls into that category. Even though he’s a young priest and friar who’s never used Tinder, Fr. Plow works with hundreds of young people every day as the director of Households at Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio (kind of like Greek houses, but faith-based).
Fr. Plow said when Catholics determine the morality of any act or tool, like Tinder, three things must be considered.
“Whenever discerning the morality of an act not explicitly defined by Church teaching, we must examine the object, the intention, and the circumstances,” he said, referencing paragraph 1757 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
“Regarding the ‘object,’ apps – in general, as an invention – are not bad in and of themselves. Like most other technologies, they are morally neutral in and of themselves,” he said. “Apps do, however, possess a certainly quality of being transitory that can factor in to the other two components (intention and circumstances) that factor in to judging the morality of an act.”
The transitory, cursory nature of swiping based on one picture in Tinder can be morally dangerous if that same mentality transfers to relationships with people, he said. Instead of pausing and taking the time to form real relationships, some people may decide to move on to the next best thing because they have so many options.
“Therefore, in as much dating apps are impersonal and transitory, or are used with the intention for receiving gratification and pleasure, they are immoral,” he said. “If, however, online dating apps or services assisting people in leading them to find another person to share the love of God with in the uniqueness of a dating relationship or marriage, it can be (morally) good.”
Mary Beth Bonacci, a Catholic speaker and author on John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, said what’s concerning about Tinder when compared to online dating sites such as CatholicMatch is the rapidity with which people can be turned into objects.
“The entire realm of dating is full of opportunities to turn a human person into a commodity. We get so wrapped up in thinking about what we want for ourselves that we forget we are dealing with another human person – and image and likeness of God. It’s always been a temptation,” she said.
“But the rapid-fire nature of Tinder’s ‘scan and swipe’ makes it easy to turn many, many human persons into commodities in a short period of time. That is what is scariest to me.”
Bonacci said while it’s possible to find someone who’s interested in a virtuous dating relationship through apps like Tinder, the chances of that happening are probably pretty low when compared with online dating sites that have more extensive profiles.
Meeting someone in person as soon as possible is also key, she said, in determining whether or not a match made online or in an app has a chance of turning into a dating relationship. But apps like Tinder aren’t exactly helping breathe new life into romance, she said.
“Everything is instant. The nearly-anonymous sex is of course the antithesis of anything romantic or respectful. In the old days of the ‘meat market’ singles’ bar, a person had to get dressed up, leave the house, buy a few drinks and at least pretend to have some real interest in the other person.”
The Church has a duty, she said, to offer young people better alternatives in the dating world than the instant gratification that they find in the current culture.
“The Vanity Fair article reminded me once again that we have to offer teens and young adults an alternative to the degrading, hook up world that surrounds them. We can’t scare them out of it. They need to be inspired, to fall in love with the real beauty of the Christian vision of human sexual morality,” she said.
“They need to see their own dignity, their own importance, and how respecting their bodies and the beautiful language of human sexuality is the only way to finding real love. We have to. We can’t allow another generation of kids to fall into this cesspool.”
This article was originally published on CNA Sept. 13, 2015.
[…]
They’re not likely to decrease given the Catholic Church’s newfound commitment, under Francis, to telling the world we’ve been lying to you for 2000 years.
And Europe fell into a deep sleep for hundreds of years…
And yet, the memory of how the distinguished Church and State and other stuff used to fit together…this, from Cardinal DANIELOU. A quote, a fictive parable, and an epilogue…
QUOTE: “Of course, there is a distinction of powers, and this world is not subject directly to the authority of the Church. But to say that this world is not directly subject to the Church’s authority is not to say that it is not subject to the law of God, of which the magisterium of the Church is the interpreter” (“Prayer as a Political Problem,” 1965).
A FICTIVE PARABLE: And it came to pass that the Church sought to fully engage the laity more, in both the domain of the kitchen, and in the external domain of the world (a very good thing!). And this last-ditch initiative was called synodality. But, the radically secularist world filled the vacuum with its politicized effluvium, and the world fell victim to such as “religious groups that follow an anti-Christian narrative.” And the shadow of minarets stretched across the landscape.
And, just as the overrun Hagia Sophia was adorned with Arabic script in the 15th Century, so too was St. Peter’s Basilica adorned with Pachamama in the 21st Century. And, when it was asked, “what does the magisterium have to say, there was nought else by silence and then the sound of an uncertain trumpet.
And, Alaric smiled, whispering in a German accent something about an der Synodal Weg. Emperor Napoleon, too, who had confided his religious pluralism thusly: “They will say that I am a papist—I am no such thing. I was a Mahomedan in Egypt—I will be a Catholic here, for the good of the people. I do not believe in forms of religion, but in the existence of God” (Walter Scott, “Life of Napoleon: Emperor of the French,” Vol II, 1832).
What once was the cultural event called Europe, and the coherence of Faith & Reason, and even the transitory idiom of nation-states, faded from history. Engulfed by vaporous drugs, massive migrations, the turmoil of identity politics, and obsolesced families— all gone with the wind.
And, the perennial and universal Catholic Church, too, succumbed to the “smoke of Satan.” The center did not hold, and the merciless (!) march of history repeated itself. The syncretic mystery religions of the late Roman Empire cross-dressed into a polyhedral, open-bar, welcoming, amnesiac, and dhimmi sort of thing—now shorn of both the laity and Danielou’s intact and consistent magisterium.
EPILOGUE: But it also came to pass that there was a dispersal of cardinalates far beyond what once had been the West, and as far as Mongolia. Such was the historical irony of the real Holy Spirit. And, it came to pass that there was theological hope as outposts of the Benedict Option encircled the globe—like mustard seeds on the wind.
Anti Christian Hate Crimes and moreover anti Catholic Hate Crimes has been seemingly forever ignored by the media. The hate is not just in the crimes but in the souls of the media and securer intellectual class. The hates crimes are essentially the result drowning of the culture with Christian hate by the secularist in all sectors of society from all forms of the media and educational institutions. This is an issue that is essentially not discussed.
They destroyed a beautiful statue of Our Lady in Fort Myers, Florida and the sacrament of reconciliation room. This is not just in Europe. They were caught and arrested. Put on your armor.
I am appalled, but not surprised that our religious right to live in peace is being subject to violence. Satan is winning in Europe and the world.
Just imagine our viral political scene. Hate is out in the open. I cannot ignore the continuing damage Trump has caused with his MAGA radicals. He has an openly fierce hatred for Nancy Pelosi and many of his supposed “no-Trumper”. He recently showed that hate when he punned “what happened to Paul Pelosi? Did anyone see him lately?” E. Jean Carroll who succeded in his rape case, “she’s a wackjob”. Special council Jack Smith is “deranged”. Former AG Barr is a “fat pig”.
His vitriol often spews with hatred and lying. In particular, I am more concerned about the children who may be exposed and influenced by his hateful diatribe.
God save our precious children, the nation and the world from HATRED.
Yes, and you might want to examine your own heart and address the profound hatred and self-righteousness that resides there, as demonstrated by the words and spirit of your post. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Dear Athanasius. We were directed by my mom, “no lies and never harbor hate for anyone”. I am a Catholic realist. I don’t HATE Trump. I do take serious issue with his un-Christian diatribe and, “in broad daylight”, his threats to families and his autocratic intent to return to power. Seems that you are defending Trump? We don’t have the bully pulpit. The main reason Trump is left to defy the constitution is our complicit silence.
God bless.
This wasn’t an article about Trump but, in case it eluded you, about anti-catholic hatred.
Furthermore your rant about Trump and your so-called “MAGA radicals” effectively does as much to spread hatred as your flimsy characterization of Trump and his supporters.
But I must commend you for your hitting all the leftist talking-points. Before you know it, you’ll be ready to take your place among the “news” readers in major media.
Dear Deacon. Please read my response to Athanasius. Hope this helps.
Thank you.
Ice cream Nancy? ok then
It does seem from your posts that your hatred of Trump is loud and clear. And again seems to rely on the old standby of the uninformed, regarding ” mean tweets”, as if tHAT is the most dangerous thing we have to face in the world. It’s not. Trump is often correct, if a bit too blunt , about the assessment of his enemies. And why tip-toe around someone who is trashing you anyway? I ask what is more dangerous? A man who calls someone a fat pig, or a president who allows dangerous drug dealers, sex traffickers and terrorists into the country to kill and injure his citizens with a shrug and then blames the other side for not rubber stamping their “plan” to let anyone in the world to enter the country that wants to ? An influx of christian hating muslims is why the number of church vandalisms are rising all over Europe.
Who is more dangerous? Who protected the country better? Trump, who raised all boats with his economic policy and made us energy independent? Or biden with massive inflation, and depleted oil reserves, and a military so woke it cannot meet enlistment numbers?. A PRESIDENT whose presidency is undermined for four years with made up and phony charges, or one whose foreign policy is so inept and reckless that enemy shark nations are circling the water around us? After the debacle in Afghanistan, Bidens only reaction in the middle east to more than 50 attacks on US bases by Iran is THREE bombings of warehouses. When we eventually sustain massive casualties of our troops, it will be because Biden refuses to use American power to keep our enemies at bay. Using it AFTER they are dead will not be helpful. One can be CERTAIN Trump would have used the power. To me the funniest thing is someone I know who recently indicated they didnt like Trump because he was “too mean” and didnt think Tim Scott could ever win because he was “too nice”. LOL!! Well, you know, give me the mean guy who will keep me and my family safe, because he is not afraid to do what needs to be done. I am voting for a PRESIDENT, not a saint. Too bad so many democrats swallow propaganda whole, and un-examined. Finally, I refute your coloring Trump supporters as “Maga radicals”. I was born and raised in a blue city in a blue state. Lifelong Catholic who toes the line in every way. Pro-police, pro-law and order.Law abiding, never used drugs. Suburban mom, Daily communicant, in church ministry, holding a post-graduate degree. Trump supporter. Be careful who you imagine to be the “great unwashed” just because they support Trump. Most of the women I call friends are exactly like me.
Have any of the beautiful historic churches that were burned down in Canada even been investigated ?
A Must Read article
https://catholicherald.co.uk/why-does-europe-ignore-the-crimes-committed-against-christianity/
Yet Another good article
https://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/20171/jihad-on-churches-france