Denver, Colo., Jul 20, 2017 / 03:02 am (CNA/EWTN News).- From a young age, Catholics are taught to pray about and discern their vocations – whether they’re called to marriage, to the religious life, to the priesthood, or consecrated single life.
This can leave the lay single person feeling that they are in a vocational limbo of sorts, and it’s become a topic of much heated and emotional debate in the Catholic blogosphere: have these people missed their vocation? Is the lay single state, chosen or by default, a vocation?
But actually, at the end of the day – does it matter?
Fr. Ben Hasse is a vocations director for the Diocese of Marquette, Wisc. He said addressing the topic of singleness in the Church can be difficult because of the emotions surrounding the issue.
“I have quite a few friends who would like to be married, so there’s a much more emotional investment in the question because there’s more people who find themselves single” rather than having specifically chosen it, he said.
Recognizing the emotional weight of the topic, Fr. Hasse noted that there are many aspects to addressing the question of vocation and singleness that need to be taken into account, and that it can be difficult – and dangerous – to make generalizations about a population in the Church that is actually very diverse.
Being specific about singleness
Fr. Hasse said that he has found it’s helpful as a pastor to approach singleness very specifically – whether it’s a college student who hopes to marry someday, or a widower who lost her husband last month, being single encompasses a wide variety of people and circumstances.
“Everybody will be single for at least part of their life. Nobody is born as a priest or married to someone or a consecrated religious, so everyone will pass through being single,” he said.
“It’s important to distinguish between people who are single because that’s kind of where you’re at when you’re 16, versus someone who has really felt God calling them to give their life in service to the Church as a single person,” or various other circumstances.
For example, a single 19-year-old college student is probably not necessarily living a vocation of singleness in any settled way, Fr. Hasse said, but a person in their 40s who finds joy in serving Christ in their everyday circumstances of work and life “is not someone I would say lacks a vocation.”
“It would be different from the way we usually use the word because it wouldn’t be defined, and made concrete by vows or promises,” he said.
“But the single accountant or school teacher could certainly live their life and see the work of their hands as something they’re offering to God, and live that in a very spiritually fruitful way, and I wouldn’t say – now here’s a person without a vocation.”
Your vocation is given at baptism
Jason Coito, Coordinator of Young Adult Ministry for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, told CNA that most of the debates surrounding singleness and vocation rely “on a very narrow definition of vocation, or confuses the term with what we refer to as ‘states in life,’” he said.
He said when we become fixated on discerning our state in life, referred to in the Church as the primary vocation, “…we become so focused on the ranking of them, rather than looking at each day or the bigger picture and saying, here are all of these components of my life, now how am I called to live the promise of my baptism and of my life, and how do these things work together?”
It can be helpful instead to refocus these debates and conversations on the universal vocation to holiness that each Christian receives at their baptism, Coito said.
“I think this helpfully reframes the conversation and then asks us, ‘How is God calling me to make a response to Him and to my brothers and sisters from within the state in life in which I find myself?’”
This respects every vocation, because it’s a question anyone can answer on any given day in their life, regardless of their state in life, he said.
“You do have a vocation. All baptized Catholics are called to live their lives as disciples of Jesus. This is the foundational call of our lives as Catholics,” he said.
“If you feel deeply called to get married, and you have prayerfully discerned and confirmed this call, then until you meet the person you feel called to get married to, you continue to live out your baptismal call, open to the people and circumstances that God puts in front of you each day. For those who are married, we do pretty much the same thing, except that we do this out of the sacramental relationship we have with our spouse,” he said.
In Lumen Gentium, one of the principal documents of the Second Vatican Council, Pope Paul VI wrote about the universal call to holiness each Christian has:
“Thus it is evident to everyone, that all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity; by this holiness as such a more human manner of living is promoted in this earthly society. In order that the faithful may reach this perfection, they must use their strength accordingly as they have received it, as a gift from Christ. They must follow in His footsteps and conform themselves to His image seeking the will of the Father in all things. They must devote themselves with all their being to the glory of God and the service of their neighbor. In this way, the holiness of the People of God will grow into an abundant harvest of good, as is admirably shown by the life of so many saints in Church history.”
Fr. Hasse reiterated the importance of the baptismal call to holiness, and said that this call is not something to “settle for,” but rather should be the primary focus of our lives as Christians.
“The call to holiness is not some second-string operation,” he said.
“It’s not like – wow I really wish I had something important to work towards, but since I don’t, sanctity will have to tide me over until the beatific vision.”
“So I think a reappropriation of the universal call to holiness, which is deeply, profoundly significant, it’s the one that matters in a sense, and we’re all called to that,” he said.
The big lie: You are incomplete until you’ve made vows
Coito noted that one of the worst patterns of thinking that a Catholic can fall into when thinking about vocation is to believe that they are somehow less-than or incomplete until they are married, or are a priest or in a religious order.
When he taught high school religion, Coito said he would ask his students to recall the famous line from Jerry Macquire, when he tells his love interest (played by Renee Zellweger): “You complete me.”
“I would always tell them that from a Catholic perspective, that’s ridiculous. It wasn’t as though before marriage you were incomplete, or that a priest before his ordination is incomplete. God already made us whole and entire,” he said.
“We’ve been given everything as human beings that God intends us to have, so to begin to think of ourselves as somehow unfinished…we can joyfully be living out our vocation already right now.”
Part of this mentality has seeped in from the culture, he said, which tends to romanticize love and to view marriage as another achievement or milestone in life, rather than as a sacrament.
“I think it’s important to address the mentality that if I’m not married or in a community or ordained that I’m this sort of ‘Catholic arrested development’ or ‘suspended animation,’” he said.
The belief that marriage or religious life will also magically make us completely fulfilled is also a mentality that can set people up for disappointment, he noted.
“It ends up being a Disney sort of (mentality) of happily ever after, but it’s much more Paschal mystery than happily ever after,” he said.
Finding fulfillment: It’s about self-gift
The reasons that there are more single people in the Church now than in other times in recent history are many and varied – an emphasis on education, a culture that values individualism, higher rates of divorce and economic factors are just some of the many reasons there are more singles in the pews.
But this doesn’t mean that human nature has changed – we are still made for love, self-gift and service, Fr. Ben Hasse said.
“Trying to schedule events in our lives that will make us happy at some point that doesn’t really work,” he said. “Happiness is richest and fullest kind of as a by-product of gifts of love and of service.”
“There’s almost a way where you can attend to the basic dynamics of seeking to live a life of holiness, and that’s the actually the path that’s going to leave you more and more disposed to receive his call,” he said.
In particular, acts of service can be a key way to find fulfillment regardless of one’s state in life, he said.
“Look for opportunities to give of yourself,” he said. “It’s also a good way to meet other people who have a similar disposition…doing that has very real potential to fill one’s heart, and leaves you more and more receptive to (God’s) call.”
Soley utilizing acts of service as a way to find a spouse would be unhealthy, Fr. Hasse added, but serving alongside like-minded people, and finding others who share your values is a good way to find authentic community, in whatever form that may take.
What the Church has to say about single people
Pope John Paul II, who wanted to be known as ‘the Pope of the family’, wrote in his familial document “Familiaris Consortio” that those without a family must be able to find their family within the Church. In fact, the entire final section of this document is dedicated to single people.
This is a subject with which John Paul II would have been intimately familiar – by the age of 20, all of his immediate family on earth had passed away, and he surrounded himself with good friends that essentially became his family.
In the document,he wrote: “For those who have no natural family the doors of the great family which is the Church-the Church which finds concrete expression in the diocesan and the parish family, in ecclesial basic communities and in movements of the apostolate-must be opened even wider. No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labor and are heavy laden.’”
The Catechism of the Catholic also recognizes “the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live – often not of their choosing – are especially close to Jesus’ heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors.” (CCC 1658).
Practical advice from single Catholics
Still, it can sometimes be difficult for single people to know where they fit in the Church. Parishes are often structured around family life, which can make it challenging for single people to find community.
Judy Keane is a 40-something single Catholic and author of “Single and Catholic,” a book in which she interviewed numerous single Catholics of a wide variety of ages, circumstances and backgrounds about their experiences in the Church.
“Mother Teresa once said that the greatest poverty is loneliness, and feeling discounted by society,” Keane said.
“So I would say (to married people in the parish): approach single people, connect with them, take that initiative to introduce yourself, not make them feel like because they don’t have a spouse and children in the pew with them that they’re no less a member of the parish community,” she said.
MaryBeth Bonacci is a Catholic author and speaker who has often written on the topic of being a single Catholic. She said she loves it when people in her parish help her feel included in their families and lives.
“Some people would say ‘Oh well she wouldn’t want to go to a 1-year-old’s birthday party.’ Yeah I would!” she said. “We don’t have our exciting singles lives that you think we have, I’m at home eating cottage cheese and watching Simpsons reruns, it’s not that exciting.”
Bonacci said she’s also had a friend at her parish who told her she was invited to her family’s dinner any time. And she didn’t wait to make good on the invitation – she followed up with Bonacci every day.
“She would call me every day at 3:00 and say, am I setting a place for you? And I didn’t go every night…but she actually called every day, and said if you want to come, we’ll set a place for you, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that.”
She added that she appreciates when parishes make an effort to create a cohesive community, rather than always segregating people into groups according to their states in life.
Both Bonacci and Keane said that they especially have noticed that there are many single elderly Catholics who are alone, whether they’ve never been married or have since lost their spouse.
“If you’re having a family Sunday dinner, why not try to befriend an elderly single person who may have lost their spouse and say we’re having our family dinner, would you like to join us?” Keane said.
It’s also important to remember that God acts in unexpected says, and oftentimes frustration with one’s state in life stems from a place of thinking about vocation or God’s will too rigidly, Fr. Hasse noted.
“If I’m talking to someone who says well most of my friends seem to have found their vocation and I haven’t, what do I do? I usually say man, the saints are people that God caught in all kinds of unexpected situations and places,” Fr. Hasse said.
“So there’s lots of precedent for thinking God has passed me by or hasn’t answered my prayers” but then he shows up in unexpected ways, he said.
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Okay, this is great, but the time for talk is long past. It is time for this to move beyond theoretical discussion. An actual politician needs to be excommunicated by an actual sitting diocesan bishop. Otherwise, the statement has little credibility. Which bishop will be first to take action?
Sound observation, Andrew. At this time, the most recent public statements of Biden and Pelosi et al. are starkly in contrast to Catholic Teaching. As such, the ongoing delays in taking strong action against such politicians are remarkably even less justifiable than they were before when they should have already been taken. Among many such approaches, I suggest something along the following:
The very first thing that should be done ASAP is for Abp. Cordileone to instruct all parish pastors under his jurisdiction to immediately refuse to give Communion to Pelosi (he still has not shown the courage to do this, I believe, which is long overdue) and any other offending politician, and to also have each pastor publish in the parish bulletin the bishop’s clear statement to this effect with the rationale behind it. Also, a copy of the main points of Cordileone’s statement should be posted prominently on some walls and/or doors at various locations within their churches for all parishioners/visitors to clearly see it, and also serve to advise any known reprobate politician of what they can expect at that church. The statement can also include an invitation to the reprobates to make an appointment with the parish pastor (perhaps better yet, the bishop) to receive the proper catechesis with an explanation as to why any nonsense like “personally opposed but” is not acceptable.
Next, Cordileone should strongly advocate that all of his fellow bishops adopt the same policy throughout the US, and work more forcefully toward getting some fellow bishops to support the effort and, more importantly, ACT in a similar manner. Following almost immediately on this should be the development of a policy (aided by sound canon lawyers) which makes it crystal clear that any currently elected politician who continues to advocate for abortion after having been denied Communion and does not publicly change their views will be excommunicated within no more than 6 weeks from the first date the denial of Communion goes into effect. This is more than enough time for the politician to examine his/her conscience, seek the catechesis, and so on.
More details, requirements, etc. addressing various situations can of course be worked out as needed, but the denial of Communion must begin ASAP along with the establishment of a policy of excommunication for any politician who continues to publicly defy Church teaching.
This issue is and has been a Thomas More moment and long since past it’s time of action as this commenter states. I truly believe the Church(and other Christian denominations), Jews included should have stopped all of this after Roe.
So many speak of America as the bed rock of freedom and opportunity. Where were they when these millions of lives were extinguished for what ?
The rhetoric now is just that. Appreciate the Archbishop for the letter, but not enough
I agree with the previous commenter. The time for talk is over. The sides have been drawn and the Cardinal is not about to persuade anyone who wasn’t already pro life to become pro life. Biden, Pelosi, and the others need to be excommunicated. And that needs to happen now. How do I teach my children that abortion is a mortal sin and an abomination in God’s eyes when the Catholic Bishops allow these pro abortion and pro sodomy “Catholic” politicians to receive Holy Communion? And how do I teach my children that the Eucharist is the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of God Himself when the Catholic Bishops allow these pro abortion and pro sodomy “Catholic” politicians to receive Holy Communion?
Cordileone is not a Cardinal. He will never be made one under the current Pontiff.
Biden and Pelosi both claim to be practising Catholics. Yet each of them openly supports and promotes abortion, and indeed other positions contrary to Catholic teaching.
Their position is a direct and sustained public challenge by them to the Church, of which they claim to be loyal members. It would in my opinion be reasonable to excommunicate them. This would send a powerful message to all catholics and more widely throughout the world. The Church has to be a sign of contradiction to the world – it should not conform to the world. It should not be afraid to take a stand on this issue. We should not be afraid! Let’s do it.
The time for talk is over now and has been for a long time – with Catholics like most of us. But – we are dealing with a majority of people ‘catholic’ (small c) and non-catholic for whom the taking of helpless human lives in the womb is not a big deal.
Step by step – The Texas ruling being the most recent. Both Biden and Pelosi are over the roof about it, which is to be expected – to the extent that they can be ignored because their reactions are so completely predictable. The ‘press’ is (predictably) taking sides with them, saying that this proves that Catholics are really divided about this and only those like Nan & Joey are forward thinkers who can be trusted about it.
BUT
With every passing day, less and less ‘Catholics’ can really support it with a straight face, and I believe that the day is coming closer when a Bishop will publicly excommunicate a ‘Catholic’ politician who publicly supports abortion.
Congresswoman Pelosi is probably shaking in her boots, and she should be.
She needs our prayers.
Compared to LGBT abortion is the greater evil because it’s killing of the innocent. It’s the world’s greatest crime. Many who support it politically in Congress or by individual vote are morally complicit. Archbishop Cordileone is himself morally obliged to act. As said previously regarding Vatican reengineering of the original USCCB agenda to address the issue and sanction, then sandbagged by CDF prefect Cardinal Ladaria at the Pope’s bidding. What was produced an insignificant letter to the faithful of what’s contained in the Catechism. Bishops are Apostolic defenders of the faith. There’s no justification to refrain from their duty. And like the good shepherd guide misled souls from the precipice. From condemnation at judgment. Malaise is not limited to sins by laity. When there’s so much at stake talking of morality has virtually no effect on the support given abortion by Catholics. A few have acted as bishops. All others not simply should, they must act.
I think Abp. Cordileone is not speaking only to Biden and Pelosi and co.
And kudos to him (again).
I think it is one thing for a Catholic politician to argue he has an obligation uphold the law of the US irrespective of his personal beliefs. Its another to have a tantrum over a Supreme Court ruling upholding a law which would limit ( but not completely prevent) abortion and say you are going to make a full court press to overturn the ruling and make abortion as freely available as possible. Its more than a little disgusting and certainly against Catholic teaching. Its past time for these Bishops and Cardinals to stop talking and ACT. Pretending these offending politicians are not giving public scandal is not fooling anyone.
Curious about how long Pelosi has held the pro-choice “Catholic” view, I searched and found an NCReporter interview from 2002. Notable among other quotes was this by Pelosi:
“The divinity in me bows to the divinity in you.” Any theologian want to comment???
There was also this question put to Pelosi: “Is it more difficult today to be a pro-choice Catholic then it was, say, ten years ago?” [NOTE: She had been a member of Congress since 1988; the interviewer was asking about 1992…]
A [Pelosi]: “It’s about the same….
“I have never in my district in California, in my archdiocese…if I was going to [be allowed to] receive communion; I never knew if this was the day it would be withheld. And that’s a hard way to go to church. Fortunately, I’m invited — I have a big family — I go to a lot of weddings, I’m in a different church every week. I’m a moving target. I travel, so I’m not exactly a target in terms of always being in the same church, although I go to St. Vincent DePaul, which is my neighborhood parish.
“In addition to that, on many occasions the archdiocese has told the nuns that I couldn’t be the speaker at some event. And that’s hurtful because we have so much in common. But it’s the decision the church has made.”
The decisions Pelosi has made at the intersection of her faith and her politics are her own. If she were to think with the Church, with God’s commandments, and with common sense, she would put herself in penitential stock for whatever days remain in her natural life.
Ms. Pelosi has been in Congress since 1988 and has apparently held her pro-abortion “Catholic” view for all this time.
Question for the Bishop: HOW MUCH LONGER WILL Nancy BE ALLOWED TO CAUSE SCANDAL, SHAME, AND DISGRACEFUL PAIN to the Body of Christ? HOW MUCH LONGER WILL Nancy BE ALLOWED to PUT HER OWN and many another’s ETERNAL LIFE/SALVATION AT GRAVE RISK? Will you wait another 33 years???
I’m not against excommunicating pro-infanticide “Catholic” politicians. But the question is whether they can be excommunicated? Canonist Edward Peters wrote several essays (many of them published on this very site) stating that Canon Law as it stands does not provide for excommunicating pro-aborts.
https://www.catholicworldreport.com/2019/01/24/thoughts-on-ecclesiastical-consequences-for-gov-cuomos-pro-abortion-acts/
https://www.catholicworldreport.com/2019/02/07/its-not-fair-but-does-he-deserve-it/
I’m not a Canon Lawyer myself (just the regular civil kind) so anyone comments from those more knowledgeable than me on this subject would be appreciated.
Response to Johann du Toit:
Canonist Peters is indeed a fine canon lawyer who at times uses the fallacy of credentialism as a hammer to dismiss legitimate possibilities of canon law interpretations/applications that differ from his, especially if such possibilities are raised by those who are not canon lawyers. In this he frequently resembles those “experts” of the past who rhetorically asked “is this not the carpenter’s son”? Still, he has a well-deserved reputation as a legitimate voice of canon law interpretation that should always be taken seriously and honestly engaged. However, many people look to Peters as if he has a gift of canon law interpretation infallibility, and so his views on certain Church matters involving canon law are all too often considered the final word on such things. This is, of course, not the case, and Peters does not make this claim, plus at times he will state that his interpretation of this or that law or application may not be correct. This prudent humility is most welcome in the following section from one of the articles cited above:
“Canon 1369 authorizes a ‘just penalty’ against those who violate its terms. That broad (but not unlimited) phrase ‘just penalty’ allows for tailoring the canonical consequences in specific cases to the wide variety of fact patterns that could be addressed in its light, here, everything from Cuomo’s speeches and comments in support of this abortion law to his ordering a ghoulish light show in celebration of its enactment. That said, while the notion of a ‘just penalty’ is broad, there is some question as to whether it extends, at least immediately, to excommunication. Here is not the place to air that technical issue, but neither should its presence derail consideration of using Canon 1369 against Cuomo. Some justice is better than no justice and even if (I say, if) excommunication could not be imposed immediately on Cuomo, the Church could still impose some canonical sanctions for his conduct. If, moreover, such sanctions as could be imposed per Canon 1369 were ignored by Cuomo, Canon 1393 would allow for their augmentation, making the possibility of a ‘just penalty’ reaching to excommunication stronger.”
So instead of declaring that canon law as it stands does not permit excommunication for politicians like Cuomo, Peters acknowledges the possibility of excommunication in the interpretation and application of Canon 1369 and/or Canon 1393 against Gov. Cuomo. Accordingly, the possibility of also “reaching excommunication” in the cases of Pelosi, Biden, and others who continue to act in defiance of Church doctrine seems equally reasonable if not more so based on the public stances of these people that include, at least in the case of Biden, openly declaring his opposition to Church teaching that life begins at conception. No faithful Catholic can maintain this erroneous position, and those who do also at least tacitly deny some related Church teachings, including the infallible teaching of the Immaculate Conception (it is not the Immaculate Transplantation, nor is it the Immaculate Birth, and even before modern science demonstrated that life begins at conception, we see once again the Church ahead of its time in declaring an infallible doctrine in 1854 that also underscores when life begins). What’s the point of honoring/celebrating the conception of the Blessed Virgin if she wasn’t even alive according to the heretical beliefs of Biden and others of a similar mindset?
As I set forth in my previous comment, I favor the immediate withholding of Communion from openly reprobate politicians, and then excommunication in due course for those who remain openly hostile to the Church’s teaching in this regard. Even if some canonical hoops have to be jumped through to get to excommunication, such jumping should be done in defense of the Faith.
Long, long past time for this to be done, not merely discussed. One is left to wonder what the eternal consequence is for an episcopate which refuses to admonish the sinner as a result of its own self interest.
Stop “agonizing.”
Do it.
The good archbishop better excommunicate these politician(s) before he submitts his required retirement because this pope (if still in) will accept his retiremnet within minutes.
Texas abortion “law” is far from a pro-life idea. Roe is still “settled law”. Hence, Texas “law” remains unconstitutional until we re-write it to the Hyde Amendment concept. Texas “law” also removes rape or incest and illegally arms the citizenry to act like vigilantes/bounty hunters allowing anyone to file a lawsuit for observing an attempt at abortion. That would more than likely flood the courts with cases.
Anyone openly wearing abortion-on-demand on their sleeve should also be excommunicated. As always, it would be hard to invoke.
Pray to Jesus for guidance on the most egress of mortal sins.
I’m with Terence McManus above. I think Abp. Cordileone is addressing all Catholics, not just Biden and Pelosi and co., all Americans, in fact. He is very articulate and very courageous. To go into the Washington Post is to go into the lion’s den. (Hey). I give him a lot of credit.
Abortion is in deed a terrible thing. And so is sexual abuse of minors. Why does abortion receive so much attention and sexual abuse is swept under the rug? Why are the unborn more important than the already born? Just asking.
3 years after the fact – I just remembered back in 2008 when Obama chose Biden as his VP – in his announcement he said Joe is a “practicing Catholic” in a clear attempt at the ‘Catholic’ vote. Joe said sanctimoniously that he “opposes abortion but would never impose his beliefs on others”, which sounded good to the gum-chewing public.
I for one would never ask him to ‘impose’ what he calls his ‘beliefs’ on others, but I WOULD expect him to DEFEND them.