Washington D.C., Jun 23, 2019 / 04:12 pm (CNA).- This Sunday, in Catholic parishes across the country, one in four women sitting in the pews will have experienced severe physical violence in their own homes from their spouses or partners – including burns, choking, beating, or the use of a weapon against them. One in nine men will have experienced the same.
According to one priest who is an expert in the subject, priests in the U.S. are still not doing enough to address the issue.
“The Church has been complicit in this because we haven’t talked about it enough,” said Fr. Charles Dahm, a priest of the Chicago Archdiocese who leads its domestic violence outreach program.
Dahm was a priest at a large parish with a majority-Hispanic population near downtown Chicago for 21 years. During his time there, after hiring a counselor on his staff, he learned that many of his parishioners were victims of domestic abuse, he told CNA. He asked his counselor to train him in recognizing and responding to abuse, and he started to talk about domestic violence in his homilies.
“And the more I spoke about it, the more victims came to me,” he said. Word of Dahm’s parish ministry spread, as parishioners referred their relatives, neighbors and friends. Around the year 2000, the parish office was receiving an average of one victim of domestic violence every day, he said.
Today, he coordinates the Church’s response to domestic abuse at the Archdiocese of Chicago, educating and training priests and other Church leaders on how to prevent and respond to instances of domestic abuse. He travels to give homilies and workshops on the topic, and while he’s been to many parishes throughout his own archdiocese, Dahm said it has been difficult to get other dioceses to respond to his offers of help.
The clergy of the U.S., including the bishops, are largely ignorant about the existence of domestic violence, Dahm said.
“The studies show it’s rampant in the United States. Every pastor who stands up on Sunday looking out on his congregation – he is facing dozens if not scores of victims in his congregation in front of him, and he does not know how to speak to them.”
The ignorance surrounding domestic abuse has a variety of causes, Dahm noted. Priests have not been educated on domestic violence in the seminary, and so they do not expect to encounter it in the priesthood. If a priest does not talk about domestic violence, victims may not approach him about it, and he can therefore have a false sense that it does not exist in his parish. Priests are also overstretched and overworked, and can be weary about taking on new ministries, he added.
“It’s a real travesty that…the clergy is resistant to this topic,” he said.
Misunderstanding abuse as a Catholic
There can also be misunderstandings among Catholics – lay people and clergy alike – about the prevalence of domestic violence and how to respond to it within the context of a Christian marriage.
For example, Dahm said, it is a mistake to think that because couples are religious and going to church, they are less likely to experience or perpetrate abuse.
A 2019 study from the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institution of Brigham Young University found that while religion offers many benefits to couples, it unfortunately does not positively impact their rates of domestic violence.
“When it comes to domestic violence, religious couples in heterosexual relationships do not have an advantage over secular couples or less/mixed religious couples. Measures of intimate partner violence (IPV)—which includes physical abuse, as well as sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and controlling behaviors—do not differ in a statistically significant way by religiosity,” the study noted.
Other misunderstandings about how to respond to domestic violence come from an incomplete understanding of the Catholic teaching about the permanence of marriage, or the role of suffering in the life of a Christian.
Sharon O’Brien is the director of Catholics For Family Peace, an education and research initiative that is part of the National Catholic School of Social Service’s Consortium for Catholic Social Teaching at the Catholic University of America.
O’Brien told CNA that while marriage is meant to be a sacrament that lasts until the end of a person’s or their partner’s life, domestic violence can be a valid justification for a Catholic to seek at least physical separation from their spouse.
“Catholics I think are challenged to understand that abuse in a marriage is unacceptable,” O’Brien said. “But it’s sinful and it’s usually criminal.”
Greg Pope is the assistant general secretary for the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, which recently held their annual Day for Life, a day set aside for raising awareness of various pro-life issues. This year, they chose domestic violence as the theme of the day.
Pope told CNA that domestic violence “fundamentally undermines the Church’s teaching on the inherent dignity of the human person and the complementarity of couples within a marriage.”
He said that Catholic couples experiencing domestic abuse should know that Canon Law, the governing law of the Church, addresses domestic violence, and states: “If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.” (Can. 1153 §1.)
“The Church does not force anyone to remain in an abusive relationship,” Pope reiterated.
Furthermore, O’Brien said, Catholics can have a misunderstanding of the role of suffering in their lives, and some may think that the suffering they experience through domestic violence may be God’s way of “punishing” them for some other sin.
“Yes, suffering exists and yes, we can offer it to the Lord, but we’re not to seek suffering,” O’Brien said, and Catholics should not tolerate abuse in the name of suffering.
“The other big deal with Catholics is understanding that this is not punishment,” she added.
“Yes, maybe you had an abortion, or yes, maybe you all were engaged in relations before marriage…but experiencing domestic abuse is not punishment for some other sin, and you are called to address it, to figure out what to do,” she said.
How the Church responds to domestic abuse
In 1992, the Catholic bishops of the U.S. wrote “When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women.”
In the document, the bishops clearly state Catholic Church teaching regarding domestic abuse. They also examine why abuse happens, how one can respond to it, and information on where and how abused women and men can seek help.
The document “was cutting edge in 1992 and is still incredibly relevant and appropriate,” said Fr. Dahm. It has since been updated, but only in very minor ways.
“As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form —physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal —is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. We have called for a moral revolution to replace a culture of violence. We acknowledge that violence has many forms, many causes, and many victims—men as well as women,” the bishops stated in the document’s introduction.
But while the document is excellent, it is still a “really well-kept secret” of the Church, Dahm said, in that many priests and Church leaders do not know that it exists. He said part of his work over the years has been to bring this document to the attention of priests and seminarians during his workshops on domestic violence.
Catholics for Family Peace is another key part of the Church’s response in the United States.
“All the major religions have a national office where clergy and leaders can be trained on domestic abuse, and so we’re it for Catholics,” O’Brien noted.
“We work with dioceses to implement the 20 strategies in the (bishop’s) statement and to create a coordinated, compassionate response to domestic abuse,” she said. They also host several awareness-raising events during the month of October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Lauri Przybysz, co-founder of Catholics For Family Peace, told CNA that their mission extends beyond education and training for clergy and leaders to “education for engaged couples as they prepare for marriage, for them to understand what a healthy relationship means for their marriage, and just facts about domestic violence that a lot of people aren’t aware of.”
“We actually have an education module that we can share with marriage preparation leaders… [that] has a little questionnaire that a couple can take to say, to identify: ‘Is there something in my relationship that could be better?’” she said.
They also educate teens on healthy dating and relationships, and they compile good secular resources that clergy can use too, because many of them do not have anything in them contrary to the Catholic faith, Przybysz said.
O’Brien also said that the archdioceses of both Chicago and Washington, D.C., have modeled some of the best responses to domestic violence.
Laura Yeomans is the program manager for the Parish Partners Program at Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. The website for the program includes a homily on domestic violence, a downloadable packet for pastors responding to domestic violence, definitions and explanations of domestic violence and Church teaching, as well as links to emergency resources for victims, among other things.
Yeomans and her team connect with priests and families at the parish level when they are notified about cases of domestic abuse, she said.
“We go out to the parish setting and we meet individually with families who are suffering domestic abuse,” Yeomans said.
Basic do’s and don’ts of responding to domestic violence
While a natural response for pastors or Catholics who learn about a case of domestic abuse may be to call the police, Przybysz warned against it. If a perpetrator knows they have been found out, their violence could escalate to the point of killing their victim.
“It’s about walking beside someone, giving them information about where they can find safety, when they decide to make the move,” she said.
Yeomans seconded this advice. “When you’re talking with family suffering, domestic abuse, it’s very important that we not go in with an agenda,” she said.
The first thing to do is listen, Yeomans said, and to say: “I believe you.” Next, she said, ask: “What can I do? How can I help you? What step would you like to take?”
“It’s very important not to say, ‘You should forgive him,’” she said, because this gives the victim the false impression that they must continue enduring the abuse in the meantime. Forgiveness may come eventually, Yeomans said, but the first priority is the safety of the victim.
“Forgiveness is not permitting the abuse to continue,” she said. “It is not allowing yourself and your children to be in danger.”
Spreading awareness of domestic violence, and of the resources available, is one of the best things priests can do for their parishioners, Fr. Dahm said, because then they will know where to turn for help. He said he found it especially true among Hispanics and Latinos, especially those who had recently come to the United States and prefer going to the Church for help.
“It is absolutely true that Hispanics prefer to go to their parish,” he said. “They feel more welcome, they feel safer, that was why in our parish we were so successful – people came to us from all over. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that people wanted to go to a place they trusted.”
Yeomans said that besides speaking about domestic violence at Mass, priests should find out what resources are available to them locally. Once they know what domestic violence hotlines and resources are available, they can print flyers with information and hang them in parish bathrooms, and put informative inserts in their parish bulletins.
Another thing that Yeomans has seen priests do is to raise the question about domestic violence and healthy relationships during times like baptism class, when couples are already at Church to receive some education and information.
Pope said that in the UK, the bishops’ goals for having domestic violence as the theme for their Day for Life was to raise awareness of the issue, to raise additional funds for resources, and to make domestic violence culturally unacceptable.
Fr. Dahm added that he is willing to travel throughout the United States to preach and give workshops on domestic violence in parishes.
“If there are bishops in dioceses who are interested, just tell me, and I will go there,” he said.
By focusing on domestic violence, among other issues, as important pro-life issues, Pope said the bishops hope to help their people follow God’s call in the Gospel of John more closely: “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, call the national domestic violence hotline at: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY). For more information, go to www.thehotline.org.
Domestic violence resources through the Archdiocese of Chicago are available at: https://pvm.archchicago.org/human-dignity-solidarity/domestic-violence-outreach
Domestic violence resources, including the pastoral response packet, are available through Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. at: https://www.catholiccharitiesdc.org/familypeace/
Catholics can also visit Catholics for Family Peace or For Your Marriage for additional information.
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She’s an abortion-loving fallen-away Catholic who needs a radical conversion. Until then, she’d be wise to keep her criticisms to herself.
At least Pelosi got the China situation right, though I do find that somewhat surprising. I guess we need to be thankful for small wonders.
ANDREW: The only wonder I’d be thankful for regarding Pelosi is a public confession of her sin against the millions of unborn babies whose murder she gave support to.
“Let me say it this way: ‘Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church,’” Pelosi said. And then, ““My Catholic faith is: Christ is my savior. It has nothing to do with the bishops.”
This is the dragon lady who, after 2,000 years of Christianity, said that without first reading the 2,000-page Obamacare bill (2010) Congress had to pass it, because only then could they actually read it to find out what it contained.
Also, the very same Aztec mouthpiece who defended late-term abortions thusly: ““As a practicing and respectful Catholic, this is sacred ground…” (June 26, 2013).
But, she’s right about the Vatican’s provisional agreement with China. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
I think I would take offense at that if I were an Aztec. They aren’t the only ethnicity to practice human sacrifice, and they do have their share of Saints, too — St. Juan Diego, for instance. But the main thing is that their worst sins were BEFORE they heard the Gospel, not after.
Which only serves to illustrate the iniquity of the China deal where even a moral lunatic can recognize it. But Francis proclaims it takes a thousand years to understand China, so maybe in another 900 years he’ll begin to come to his senses.
One could say that even Satan is “right” when he ab-uses portions of God’s Word to deceive us humans, but that does not make Satan “right” at all (and is why Jesus forbids demons to bear witness to Him when He casts them out). It is only because of the inherent truth and right-ness of the Word which Satan ab-uses, just it is with his own original nature from God creating him. Our Thrice-Holy God made no mistake in any of His creation, and so God’s original creating of Lucifer as top archangel at the start of creation was right, and the unfaithful-one only became evil by his own self-deceiving self-perverting. This is why Jesus calls him the “father of lies” (because he first lied to himself about God’s Own all-graciousness and will for all creation; so Lucifer coiled in on himself and twisted himself into “Satan” which translates as “Slanderer;” who first slandered God, and then God’s Image and Likeness in us, so he is “Accuser of the brethren”-Rev. 12:9-10). This is what condemns him all the more, and the same then goes for any of us humans when we behave like Satan and use truthful words only to make ourselves look good to gain trust from others only so that we can deceive and manipulate them for our own selfish ends, like Satan does. Pelosi is brazenly showing herself to be on such a path, and so we must pray for God’s humbling of her soul for her own salvation sake, just as we must pray for ourselves to be preserved from the same path each day. Incidentally, this is the mystery of the number of Anti-Christ in sacred numerology. 666 is “the number of man” -Rev 13:18- the number of our human nature self-contentedly coiled in on itself; exalting itself as if able to stand on our own dust and nothing symbolized by the “day” number of our created-ness (6) self-contentedly cut off from our Creator (which is why the 6 is tripled in a mockery of our Maker WHO Alone IS Self-Existing, Triune Divinity in Eternally Loving, Self-outpouring Community of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, blessed and glorified forever! Amen!). St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in this, our battle!
I guess we can add Nancy Pelosi to blind squirrels and broken clocks.
Twisted sister…and twisted Pontiff.
Would Pelosi care to name the priests who were involved in her defiance of the Archbishop? If not, should that tell her something?
There is a typo in the article. Pelosi was Speaker until 2022.
The heretic Pelosi has decreed: If anyone saith that the Pope is infallible as a politician, let him be anathema. 🤦🏼♂️
Ms Pelosi’s description of her Catholic faith sounds more Protestant than Catholic. Kudos though for her attitude to the Vatican’s attitude to China.
That’s unfair to many Protestants.
“Ms Pelosi’s description of her Catholic faith sounds more Protestant than Catholic.”
Not even remotely. Pelosi would be no more welcome in an evangelical church than Satan himself.
Taking Congresswoman Pelosi’s comments with charity, I’m befuddled that she can approach Catholic authority with such sincere duplicity. How she can, in the same interview, both assert the authority of the Bishop of Rome with respect to the Vatican-China deal, to which I nod in agreement, and simultaneously flout the authority of her own bishop with respect to the reception of the Eucharist is a feat of logical gymnastics that I would have imagined to be unthinkable. May God bless her with greater lucidity.
Sometimes lucidity diminishes with advanced age. That’s a charitable view.
🙂
Nancy Pelosi comes from a lineage of devout Catholics. This should remind us all of the necessity to remain vigilant against the deceptions of the Evil One. As Matthew 24:24 warns us, even the elect may be deceived in the last days. It is imperative that we, as individuals, remain steadfastly united to and with Jesus Christ and the truths of His gospel.
We should pray fervently for those who have been led astray or have embraced heresy. It is crucial to minimize the attention given to such individuals and instead, focus on those who exemplify a life of virtue and faith. These are the ones who can inspire us and provide a worthy example for our children and grandchildren.
Her time is passed, and she obviously is in need of our prayers.
I think Matthew 12:43-45 fits better.
I think she is a “Spirit of VII Catholic”. Her time has passed, along with that “spirit”.
That spirit was around long before Vatican II, and it will remain active — with more success or less success — until the Last Judgement. I mean, just look around: Gnosticism and Arianism are still with us.
Cleo: I wish that were true. There are a sprinkling of Catholics who now know that dissenting from Humanae Vitae was a mistake. But the fact remains that the vast majority of Catholics rejected it and continue to do so. And it is debatable of whether a majority of Catholics hold any more opposition to abortion than Pelosi.
Well, up to now, the Pope has met all Nancy’s prerequisites for being her man in Rome. Now she pulls rank on him and let’s him know who, in her mind at least, is the real boss (clue: the real boss doesn’t dress in white). Perhaps Francis should take to heart the adage about lying with dogs gets one fleas. These two are actually perfect matches. She’s the absolute worst Speaker in US history and he’s the absolute worst pope in Catholic history.
I agree with those who say the Archbishop has to have a chat with the Bishops and priests who report to him. And not in a friendly way. If these priests pledge obedience when ordained, they are off the mark by a long-shot by helping Pelosi obtain Communion, and need to be spoken to. And then meaningful action needs to take place if they continue to shrug off the position Pelosi has put herself in regarding her outspoken support of no-holds-barred abortion. Failing to do this makes any church pronouncement on morals or anything else meaningless. An action, especially a sinful action, needs to have a consequence. The Eucharist is not a party favor and Pelosi is NOT entitled to it no matter her state of soul. It DOES matter. That goes for ALL of us, not just Pelosi. But she doesnt get to be exempt from holding to church standards just because she is a widely known politician.Further, in being OPENLY defiant of the Archbishop, she is further undermining the authority of the church.
This silly and very naive woman still believes that all is well between her and God, REALLY!!!!! This is what the sin against the Holy Ghost looks like!!! Repent!!
Not to judge Nancy Pelosi, I’ll refrain from saying that, based on her comments here and elsewhere she perceives moral issues as political matters. Good Archbishop Cordileone wasted a lot of roses. Only our prayers can help her.
She’d likely need to get knocked off her high horse to be helped, but you never know.
Unfortunately, with rare exceptions, almost all Catholics I meet outside my affinity groups of pro-life orthodox Catholic friends, hold beliefs little different than Pelosi. They seem to believe all Catholic doctrine and dogma is political.
for a woman who is a staunch abortioniist I would suggest that she keep her opinions to herself.
To quote either Dear Abby or Anne Landers (from many years back) – “Madame Congresswoman, you have a point, but if you keep your hat on maybe no one will notice.”
I LOVE it when I have an opportunity to say that. Admittedly in these times there is a plethora (another favorite word) of times when such a statement fits, so one must choose carefully, and this is surely one of those times.
Eph 6:10ff – “Brothers and Sisters, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day…”
Thank you for the article showing Pelosi standing up for her Catholic faith.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Pelosi might be correct about the Vatican-China deal, but her stance on abortion completely undermines her credibility as a Catholic. She needs serious spiritual reflection.