Washington D.C., Nov 2, 2020 / 12:03 pm (CNA).- Death. It’s a subject seen as sad, morbid and fearful, something that people would rather not think about, and certainly not discuss.
Yet for Catholics, death is an essential part of the faith.
“For those who die in Christ’s grace it is a participation in the death of the Lord, so that they can also share his Resurrection,” reads the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
The celebration of the sacraments hearken for a kind of death: death to self, death as a consequence of sin, a remembrance of Christ’s death and entrance into eternal life.
As the 20th century priest Fr. Henri Nouwen remarked, “Dying is the most general human event, something we all have to do.”
The question, he asks, is “Do we do it well?”
Hiding from death
Advances in medicine and technology have drastically increased life expectancies in the past century. In 1915, most people would not expect to live past age 55. A child born in the US in 2017 is expected to see their 85th birthday.
As a result, death has become something distant and even foreign, argues Julie Masters, a professor and chair of the Department of Gerontology at the University of Nebraska, Omaha.
“We get lulled into thinking death doesn’t hit us very often, because it waits until people are very old,” she told CNA. “We know that younger people do die, that middle aged people do die, but in this country, the majority of people who die are going to be older people.”
The average American in the 21st century simply doesn’t have the experience with death that previous generations had, she said. And this lack of experience can lend itself to fear and a tendency to ignore the uncomfortable unknown of the future.
“So we’ll put it off until we have to talk about it, and when we do talk about it, then we get in a pickle because we’re not sure what people want,” Masters said.
Hiding from death can have other consequences, as well. Cultural unease and inexperience with death can affect how we approach loved ones as they die.
“If we’re uncomfortable with death, if someone is dying, we may be unwilling to visit them because we don’t know what to say, when in reality we don’t need to say anything,” Masters said. “We may be less available to comfort them.”
Avoidance of death can also impact vulnerable members of society who are not actively dying, Masters warned.
“Our uncomfortableness with dying may be symptomatic of our desire to control dying and death,” she said. When that control or the fear of becoming a “burden” gives way to conversations about physician-assisted suicide, she continued, “we look at the most vulnerable and say ‘are they really worthy of living, think of all the resources they’re taking up?’”
“Each step in that slope, it gets easier to get rid of people who are no longer valuable or are vulnerable. Yet don’t we learn from the vulnerable?” she questioned. “They’re the ones who teach the strong what’s most valuable in life.”
But Masters also sees a desire to move towards a broader discussion of how to die well. She pointed to the spread of Death Cafes and other guided discussion groups that encourage conversations about death, dying and preparation for the end of life.
Churches can offer a similar kinds of programming, she suggested: “People want to talk about it, they just need the place to do that.”
What does it mean to have a ‘happy death’?
While a person may plan for their death, ultimately the circumstances of one’s passing will be out of their control. However, everyone can aspire to a “good” or “happy” death, said Fr. Michael Witczak, an associate professor of liturgical studies at The Catholic University of America.
He told CNA that the essential qualities of a happy death are being in a state of grace and having a good relationship with God.
The idea of a happy death, or at the very least the aspiration of it, gained popular consideration in the Ars Moriendi – a collection of 15th Century Catholic works laying out the “Art of Dying,” he noted.
The texts elaborate on the temptations – such as despair – that face the dying, questions to ask the dying, advice for families and friends, how to imitate Christ’s life, and prayers for the bedside.
Resources such as these, from ages of the Church that had a more daily experience of death, Fr. Witczak suggested, can be a good resource for beginning to live “intentionally” and to think more about death and how to die well.
Masters agreed that intentionality is key in shifting the cultural mindset on death and dying.
“What if people approached death with the same joy that they greet the birth of a new baby?” she asked.
It’s a fitting analogue, she argues. Both processes – birth and death – are the defining markers of human life, and natural processes that all the living will experience. Both processes also open the door to a similar set of unknowns: What comes next? What will it be like afterwards? How will we cope?
She added that the modern tendency to view death with suspicion and trepidation – or to ignore it altogether – reflects something about the culture.
“If we’re so afraid of death and dying, I have to wonder if we’re also afraid of life and living.”
Last wishes
Discussing death is the first step in making practical preparations for it.
Without planning, Masters said, loved ones may not know a person’s preferences for treatment, finances, or funeral preparations, which can lead to sometimes sharp divides between friends and family.
“When we get comfortable talking about death,” she noted, “we can let people know what our wishes are, so that hopefully our wishes are followed.”
Thorough planning includes setting advanced directives and establishing a power of attorney who can make medical decisions on one’s behalf if one is unable to do so.
It is also important to be aware of different care options in an individual’s geographic location. These include palliative care, which focuses on improving quality and length of life while decreasing the need for additional hospital visits. Not just limited to end-of-life situations, palliative care is available for a range of long-term illnesses, and seeks to relieve pain rather than cure an underlying condition.
Hospice care is also an option when the end of life approaches. At this point, the goal is no longer to extend the length of life, but to alleviate pain and offer comfort, while also helping mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to prepare for death.
Funeral planning and creating a will are also important steps in the preparation process. Even for the young or those without material possessions, planning for one’s death can be useful for grieving friends and family members, Masters said. She explained that the idea of creating an “ethical will” is a Jewish tradition in which a person writes a letter or spiritual autobiography, leaving behind the values and morals they found important in their life to pass on to the next generation.
The practice, which is growing in popularity, is available to anyone “to put down into words what’s given their life meaning,” and can have special meaning for those who “feel, because they don’t have a lot of wealth or a lot of possessions, that they have nothing to leave their family.”
Masters pointed to a student of hers who wrote an ethical will shortly before passing away in college and the example of her own grandparents instilling the recitation of the Rosary as people who left behind some of their most meaningful gifts to their loved ones.
“It’s a testament to what that person believed in. What a gift that is!”
Paul Malley, president of the non-profit group Aging with Dignity, stressed that planning the more specific details of end-of-life care can help respect a person’s dignity during illness or on the deathbed.
“Those who are at the end of life, whether they may be suffering with a serious illness or disability, tend to have their dignity questioned,” he told CNA.
The sick and dying are often isolated, receiving care from medical professionals, he explained. And while advanced care planning often focuses on decisions regarding feeding tubes, ventilators, and other medical treatment options, that discussion “doesn’t tell your family anything about what dignified care means to you.”
“It’s important not to just talk about caregiving in terms of medical issues,” Malley stressed. “That’s a small fraction of a day – the rest of the day plays out at the bedside.”
Aging with Dignity promotes planning for acts of comfort, spiritual issues and family relationships in order to make the time surrounding death easier and more dignified for all involved.
“These issues were never talked about when it came to end-of-life care or advanced care planning.” Among some of the requests participants make, he elaborated, are small acts of comfort like cool cloths on a forehead, pictures of loved ones in a hospital room, favorite blankets on a bed, or requests for specific family or friends to come visit.
Planning to incorporate what Malley calls “the lost art of caregiving,” was important to his own family when his grandmother died. “One of the most important things for her was that she always wanted to have her feet poking out of the blanket because her feet were hot,” he recalled.
Although nurses and care providers would often bundle her feet up to try to keep her warm, her family was able to untuck her feet afterwards so she could stay comfortable.
“That might be something that sounds very trivial, very small, but for her, for my grandmother, laying in that bed where she couldn’t get up and couldn’t reach down to pull up her own blanket, having her feet stick out at the edge of the blanket was probably the most important thing to her all day long,” Malley said.
The end of the earthly pilgrimage
For Catholics, spiritual preparation for death should always include the sacraments, Fr. Witczak said.
The Sacrament of Reconciliation, important for all the faithful throughout their lives, is a particularly important spiritual medicine for those nearing death.
Additionally, Anointing of the Sick should be sought for those who have begun to be in danger of death due to sickness or old age, and it can be repeated if the sick person recovers and again becomes gravely ill, or if their condition becomes more grave.
“The Church wants people to celebrate the sacrament as often as they need to,” Fr. Witczak said.
The Eucharist can also be received at the end of life as “viaticum,” which means “with you on the way.”
“It’s receiving the Lord who will be with you on the way to the other side,” said Fr. Thomas Petri, O.P., vice president and academic dean at the Pontifical Faculty of the Immaculate Conception at the Dominican House of Studies.
He added that the Eucharist can be received as viaticum more than once, should a person recover, and can also be given even if someone has already received the Eucharist earlier during the day.
A good death is a gift
Prayer, reception of the sacraments, and seeking forgiveness from God and one another can mark death as a time of peace, Fr. Petri said. Death can also be a time of surprise, as it “either amplifies the way a person has lived their life or it causes a complete reversal,” with some people undergoing profound conversions or surprising hardenings of the heart during their last days.
“Much of it really does rely on the will of God,” he reflected, adding that we should all pray for the grace of a holy death.
Dying a happy death is not only a blessing for the person dying, but can be a gift to others as well, Fr. Petri said, noting that family and friends can be drawn closer to one another and to God as the result of a holy death.
Masters agreed, adding that “the dying can serve as examples or role models,” by teaching others how to die without fear.
Ultimately, Fr. Witczak said, Christians “do” death differently because Christians “do” life differently.
“I think as human beings, death is a topic we’re afraid of and we’re told not to think about, and the Christian tradition keeps trying to bring it before people, not to scare people, but rather to remind people of their ultimate destiny,” he said.
“This is not simple and it’s something people ultimately have to learn for themselves, but it’s the important task of life. I think what the Church tries to do is to help people live their life fully and even live their death as an entryway into the life that is promised to us by Jesus Christ.”
Looking toward death and the vulnerability that surrounds it can be a vital way of encountering death – and overcoming the fear of it, he said.
Masters agreed, noting that those who have had encounters with death or profound suffering often “look at life differently.”
“They understand it is so fleeting. But because they know how close death is they look at life in a different way.”
For many people, this different approach to life includes an increased focus on family, friends and service, she said. “That’s how you’re remembered at the end of the day: what did you do for other people?”
Starting with even the most basic conversations about death, she added, can be beneficial for those wanting to confront mortality.
“When you can acknowledge that you’re going to die, you can begin to live your life.”
This article was originally published on CNA November 28, 2018.
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Although today’s polls are often contradicted by tomorrow’s, a recent poll claimed that more than half the Catholics contacted endorsed VP Harris. Apparently, a great number (alas!) don’t feel the abandonment to which Sen. Vance refers. Of course, as Deacon Peitler has pointed out in several responses to other articles, how was “Catholics” defined in the poll to which I’m referring, or was it even defined at all?
Precisely, Ken T. There are Catholics and there are Catholics.
I personally think that if VP Kamala Harris is elected, along with Gov. Walz, that within a few months, their lack of qualifications will become sadly evident and there will be demands for their resignation. I hope that if they are elected, VP Harris will have the sense to choose people wiser than her for her Cabinet and for other advisory positions.
There are many eligible Democrats that have more experience, more people skills, and more governing skills-it was shocking that VP Harris received the nomination, especially after she demonstrated incompetence in the several “jobs” that Pres. Biden gave her during his Presidency. I realize that most Democrats (actually, all elected Democrats) are pro-abortion–but there are many other issues that require experience and intelligence, which Harris and Walz lack, and other Democrats have.
In our state, the campaigns for “women’s reproductive rights” are filled with exaggerations and falsehoods–and many Americans believe them (because they WANT to believe them).
I think the best hope that we have of electing pro-life and pro-religion candidates is that many of the younger people who are easy prey for the liberal/evil ads, will not actually vote, but will only “think about” voting–if they could vote on their I-phones, they might do it, but these days, there are quite a few 20-somethings who don’t know how to drive and still live with their parents and spend much of their time in their bedrooms on their phones and playing video games with people across the country that they’ve never met in person. Hopefully we Baby Boomers (and there are still quite a lot of us!), and even some of the generation before us who still have their health, will come out in force to cast votes for candidates that are actually qualified to lead.
You think like a Boomer. The days of “I can be a serious Christian and still vote for Democrats” passed a long time ago. The 1960s are over. Time to get with the program.
I too am a Boomer, from one of the most liberal blue states in the nation, was a Democrat raised by Depression-era, FDR/JFK Democrats, and I haven’t voted for a Democrat since 1984, when I held my breath, voted for Reagan, and realized that the ceiling wasn’t going to crash down on my head. I haven’t voted for or thought or spoken like a Democrat since then, and I know others of my generation like me. Please don’t make generalizations like “think like a Boomer.” I know all sorts of Boomers who think all sorts of ways.
Well, if it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck…
As a Boomer, you need to assume responsibility for the fact that much of the decay evident in our culture can be laid at your feet. We’re the ones who have to clean up the mess you all made of things.
You get no argument from me there, but don’t be surprised if 40 or 50 years from now — should the Lord delay His coming — someone from a future generation makes the same statement to you and your generation. It’s the same claim Boomers made to *their* parents.
People’s birth years don’t define them anymore than people’s sexual attractions do. I don’t think we should be categorizing folks that way.
The Democrat Party has changed for the worse over the years. Some people have come to realize that, some not.
Thank you JD Vance! I am a 70 year old cradle Catholic and I have never felt more threatened by the Harris/ Walz ticket! Let us ask our Divine Master, Jesus Christ to intervene in this election.
“When two or more are gathered….”
Amen
Doesn’t the definition of “abandoned” imply that at one time they were with us? Maybe someone can remind me when that was the case.
Which Catholics, the Baptized Catholics who are being persecuted for affirming that God, The Ordered Communion Of Perfect Love, The Most Holy And Undivided Blessed Trinity, Through The Unity Of The Holy Ghost (Filioque), Is The Author Of Love, Of Life, And Of Marriage, and desire to affirm their Baptismal Promises, in public and in private, or the Baptized Catholics who no longer profess that God, The Ordered Communion Of Perfect Love, The Most Holy And Undivided Blessed Trinity, Through The Unity Of The Holy Ghost, Is The Author of Love, Of Life, And Of Marriage, having defected from The Catholic Faith, no longer affirm their Baptismal Promises?
I don’t think it exercising prudential judgment to put the codes for our nuclear weapons in the hands of an imbecile.
I think many Catholics assumed the Democrat Party was with us decades ago. I’m pretty sure the GOP wasn’t. But in truth, we shouldn’t be putting our trust in politics in the first place. I’m just voting GOP because I can’t vote in good conscience for the other side.
Did you see that lady from Brazil who went through the line when Trump was serving? She asked him to not let the US become Brail, apparently a bunch of crooks?
Is anyone reading this from Brazil? are the politicians there crooks?
I have no idea about Brazil but politicians & crookedness seem to be a universal feature.
Prophets such as Ryszard Legutko and Michael Hanby are warning about the fusion of democracy and liberalism into a super-theory which permits no competing political ideologies, ushering in progress in the form of technocracy.
In regards to Catholic foundational views on the family, such a technocracy might bring to mind its ultimate expression in the process of in vitro fertilization, for which Vance is a willing contributor.
If that is due to political expediency, one wonders about the degree to which future expediency will make the “lesser of two evils” indistinguishable.
Mrs. Whitlock above – I wouldn’t invest too much hope in Baby Boomers.
From what I can see, they/we are the ones who bought “the spirit of Vatican II” and betrayed the faith. (Viz. Biden, Pelosi et al.)
I feel just as abandoned by Trump and Vance, who basically told pro-life voters to get lost. He has some chutzpah saying something like that.
I an hope that Harris, the Democratic Party will realize what being a Democratic stands for. The Democratic party has become extremely liberal. Do realize all people, no matter what their gender, sex, race, religion, etc. need to be represented but it seems, at lest to me, that the pendulum has swung too far. There is no way I can vote for Tramp. And I am leery of Vance’s version of Catholicism. So staying Democratic.
Politics on fire.
I am no fan of Harris/Walz, but Vance’s statements and his duplicit blind support of a demented convicted lying felon should cause one to pause and reflect.
Vance: “Any woman who remains childless is a cat lady. She should pay higher taxes. The Haitian migrants in Springfield, Ohio are eating cats and dogs”. Republican Ohio Governor Mike DeWine and the Mayor quickly refuted that claim. That lie prompted threats of bombings causing havoc and the closings of schools.
His previously damning statements included, “Trump was an American Hitler. He is unfit to hold office”.
At the debate with Walz, he evaded the question if he thought the 2024 election was fair. Often issuing deflective lies.
Trump’s unbelievable and off message in Greensboro, NC about Arnold Palmer’s “manhood” discovered by fellow pros in a shower. “Trump didn’t really mean that”. Palmer’s daughter Peg Palmer Wears said her father often doubted Trump’s mental state. Add to that Trump’s recent in-your-face rants: There was a peaceful transfer of power on 1/6/21. “It was a day of LOVE”! After he bellowed at the Eclipse on that dark day, “Go down to the Capitol and fight like hell”. Then reclining to the Oval Office to watch the mayhem on the dining room TV for hours. Then Meadows taking calls even from Donald. Jr and Evonka to stop the riot he finally appeared to say, “go home now, we love you”.
Not only does Vance have blind support for Trump, sadly it is my faith that has been shaken by the recent adoration of Trump at the Al Smith dinner by my Bishop Cardinal Dolan.
Conclusion: If I am to remain a patriotic American I must put country ahead of politics. Hope everyone can do the same.
I’m putting my country and family first and voting for Trump. Politics comes last.
Trump’s politics sway you? How and why?
I don’t understand. Please elaborate if you can. How is voting for Trump putting your country and family first.
More Trump Derangement Syndrome on display, par for the course.
My wife and I cast our vote today for Trump/J.D. here in Virginia. I also reached out to some Amish in PA with whom we did business earlier this year to do the same. Their reply: “More Amish than ever before are getting out to vote.” Now if we can do something to stop the defrauding of elections in this country, we might someday return to being a democratic Republic.
Good for you Deacon Edward. I’m going to try & do the same thing on my way home this evening.
It’s interesting about the Amish. I read they were active supporters of Mr. Trump in 2020 also.
Actually, I’m surprised to learn that the Amish are voting at all. Maybe I’m desperately behind the times, but I was under the impression that the Amish don’t vote as a sign of their separation from the world. I have among my in-laws some “conservative” — i.e., plain — Mennonites, and although I know that some less traditional Mennonites vote, those of my in-laws’ conference eschew voting. (One of these in-laws explained why to me; frankly, I thought it sounded like political Christian Science.)
Just can’t understand the reason behind voting for Trump. If if is the abortion issues, can’t you see what all he wants to do is dangerous, for all of us?
No but I do see the dangers in a Harris administration. She has clearly spelled out her intentions.
I do not feel abandoned by Biden/Harris or the Democrats in general.
The Church, yes.
The Dems, no. Not at all.
(Edit: I just want to make clear I am in no way supporting the Biden/Harris or the Democrats. Never have. Never will.)
Until I heard his humorous remarks at the traditional Al Smith Catholic dinner in NYC in the presence of the Cardinal, I did not know that DT had saved the Catholic schools of NY, after the then Cardinal asked for his help. He made some phone calls and in 15 minutes he got several million for the Catholic schools. Amazing. Watch this. It is also very funny. He starts talking at min 2:50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAwbHmrplak
Harris opposes even religious exceptions for abortion: ‘During an interview with NBC News on Tuesday, 2024 Democratic presidential candidate Vice President Kamala Harris said that religious exemptions on providing abortion would not be on the table for her because we shouldn’t “be making concessions when we’re talking about a fundamental freedom to make decisions about your own body.”’ The choice for a Christian in the coming election is not difficult. One candidate appointed judges to the Supreme Court who overthrew the unconstitutional Roe v. Wade, and a candidate who will leave it to the citizens of each state, in our federal republic, to decide on abortion limits and acceptance. The other candidate promises to make the right to abortion under all circumstances and lengths of gestation a national law regardless of the views of the citizens of each state, even the most Christian states in the republic. And in four years in office one candidate gave us a booming economy, secure borders, peace abroad, energy self-sufficient, lower inflation, and so forth. The other candidate is in an administration that is doing the opposite of all this and destroying our country. BTW, please publicize the video in youtube made by Dr. Anthony Levatino, M.D., Obstetrician, Gynecologist and former abortionist. It is a sobering description of the process of abortion at various stages of gestation. It should be known by the general public especially young women who in school are not told the true details of the matter. This is the link; again, post it in social media if you can:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7lTMzEs8E
except the mRna shot
Harris imposes that “we shouldn’t ‘be making concessions when we’re talking about a fundamental freedom to make decisions about your own body’.”
This is not a political moment, it’s another Galileo Moment. It’s about the unwillingness to notice through the telescope–or now “fundamental” embryology, or fiber optics, or the ultrasound, or even the delivery table!–that there’s more than one body.
mrs. Thank you for your frank response. However, your adoration of Trump is an admission that he can say and do anything he pleases. We should take the serious words from many of Trump’s advisers and military Generals.
COS General John Kelly, “he is the core of a fascist dictator. Kelly: “He did say at the National Cemetery where our fallen heroes who saved our country from wars in order to protect us and Trump, who faked heel spurs and not spending an hour in service to his country, “They are all suckers and losers”.
Former Defense Secretary Mark Esper has called him a “threat to democracy.”
Former Vice President Mike Pence has declined to endorse him, citing “profound differences.”
Sarah Matthews, a former Trump aide who testified before the House Jan. 6 committee and is among those warning about the threat he poses, said it’s “mind-boggling” how many members of his senior staff have denounced him.
Others: Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley, John Bolton, General Mattis, Even Bill Barr, Trump’s former attorney general who has not ruled out voting for him again, has referred to Trump as “a consummate narcissist” who “constantly engages in reckless conduct that puts his country and his political followers at risk.”
And the beat goes on…
Convictions for January 6.
Steve Bannon, “Watch tomorrow All Hell Is Going To Break Loose’ before Capitol Attack” Sidney Powell, ROGER STONE, ALLEN WEISSELBERG, PETER NAVARRO, MICHAEL FLYNN, (Marshall law, call out the military), Kenneth Chesebro, (fake electors), Jenna Ellis.
I know that I missed something.
PBS News: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/former-trump-officials-are-among-the-most-vocal-opponents-of-returning-him-to-the-white-house
Mr. Morgan, where in my comments do you detect Trump adoration?
mrsc. I didn’t intend to upset you. I should not have sent it to you in a reply, rather as a new post.
Thank you.
God bless
I wasn’t upset Mr. Morgan, just puzzled. I’m sure there must be people who are devoted to Pres. Trump in that way but I’ve never expressed adoration. I’m just making the best choice I can between the only 2 viable candidates on the ballot this year.
No one is adoring anyone, and it’s inappropriate and dishonest to frame the discussion in that way. People are looking carefully at the issues and the different candidates, none of whom are perfect. But some are less imperfect than others. A Harris presidency, which you support as indicated in your many posts, would be an unmitigated disaster politically, economically, and spiritually. You don’t occupy the moral high ground.
With every passing day Kamala shows herself to be more and more of an airhead, whilst Timmy is a self-confessed ‘knucklehead’.
Meanwhile a man who is CLEARLY in increasing cognitive decline presides in the White House.
The democratic party will have to answer to history for this.
WOW, Terrance. True Biden has shown mental decline, but you seem to miss the current mental instability of Trump. When I voted for him in 2016 he was sharp, concise and clear. Today, during his campaign, he rants off issue with his personal diatribe. Asked if he had a plan for improving healthcare? He said that he had an outline! That alone causes me to not vote for him. I see none of this from Harris.
Right. Because Harris has been a model of clarity and honesty throughout her campaign 🙄.