Washington D.C., Jun 23, 2019 / 04:12 pm (CNA).- This Sunday, in Catholic parishes across the country, one in four women sitting in the pews will have experienced severe physical violence in their own homes from their spouses or partners – including burns, choking, beating, or the use of a weapon against them. One in nine men will have experienced the same.
According to one priest who is an expert in the subject, priests in the U.S. are still not doing enough to address the issue.
“The Church has been complicit in this because we haven’t talked about it enough,” said Fr. Charles Dahm, a priest of the Chicago Archdiocese who leads its domestic violence outreach program.
Dahm was a priest at a large parish with a majority-Hispanic population near downtown Chicago for 21 years. During his time there, after hiring a counselor on his staff, he learned that many of his parishioners were victims of domestic abuse, he told CNA. He asked his counselor to train him in recognizing and responding to abuse, and he started to talk about domestic violence in his homilies.
“And the more I spoke about it, the more victims came to me,” he said. Word of Dahm’s parish ministry spread, as parishioners referred their relatives, neighbors and friends. Around the year 2000, the parish office was receiving an average of one victim of domestic violence every day, he said.
Today, he coordinates the Church’s response to domestic abuse at the Archdiocese of Chicago, educating and training priests and other Church leaders on how to prevent and respond to instances of domestic abuse. He travels to give homilies and workshops on the topic, and while he’s been to many parishes throughout his own archdiocese, Dahm said it has been difficult to get other dioceses to respond to his offers of help.
The clergy of the U.S., including the bishops, are largely ignorant about the existence of domestic violence, Dahm said.
“The studies show it’s rampant in the United States. Every pastor who stands up on Sunday looking out on his congregation – he is facing dozens if not scores of victims in his congregation in front of him, and he does not know how to speak to them.”
The ignorance surrounding domestic abuse has a variety of causes, Dahm noted. Priests have not been educated on domestic violence in the seminary, and so they do not expect to encounter it in the priesthood. If a priest does not talk about domestic violence, victims may not approach him about it, and he can therefore have a false sense that it does not exist in his parish. Priests are also overstretched and overworked, and can be weary about taking on new ministries, he added.
“It’s a real travesty that…the clergy is resistant to this topic,” he said.
Misunderstanding abuse as a Catholic
There can also be misunderstandings among Catholics – lay people and clergy alike – about the prevalence of domestic violence and how to respond to it within the context of a Christian marriage.
For example, Dahm said, it is a mistake to think that because couples are religious and going to church, they are less likely to experience or perpetrate abuse.
A 2019 study from the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institution of Brigham Young University found that while religion offers many benefits to couples, it unfortunately does not positively impact their rates of domestic violence.
“When it comes to domestic violence, religious couples in heterosexual relationships do not have an advantage over secular couples or less/mixed religious couples. Measures of intimate partner violence (IPV)—which includes physical abuse, as well as sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and controlling behaviors—do not differ in a statistically significant way by religiosity,” the study noted.
Other misunderstandings about how to respond to domestic violence come from an incomplete understanding of the Catholic teaching about the permanence of marriage, or the role of suffering in the life of a Christian.
Sharon O’Brien is the director of Catholics For Family Peace, an education and research initiative that is part of the National Catholic School of Social Service’s Consortium for Catholic Social Teaching at the Catholic University of America.
O’Brien told CNA that while marriage is meant to be a sacrament that lasts until the end of a person’s or their partner’s life, domestic violence can be a valid justification for a Catholic to seek at least physical separation from their spouse.
“Catholics I think are challenged to understand that abuse in a marriage is unacceptable,” O’Brien said. “But it’s sinful and it’s usually criminal.”
Greg Pope is the assistant general secretary for the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, which recently held their annual Day for Life, a day set aside for raising awareness of various pro-life issues. This year, they chose domestic violence as the theme of the day.
Pope told CNA that domestic violence “fundamentally undermines the Church’s teaching on the inherent dignity of the human person and the complementarity of couples within a marriage.”
He said that Catholic couples experiencing domestic abuse should know that Canon Law, the governing law of the Church, addresses domestic violence, and states: “If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.” (Can. 1153 §1.)
“The Church does not force anyone to remain in an abusive relationship,” Pope reiterated.
Furthermore, O’Brien said, Catholics can have a misunderstanding of the role of suffering in their lives, and some may think that the suffering they experience through domestic violence may be God’s way of “punishing” them for some other sin.
“Yes, suffering exists and yes, we can offer it to the Lord, but we’re not to seek suffering,” O’Brien said, and Catholics should not tolerate abuse in the name of suffering.
“The other big deal with Catholics is understanding that this is not punishment,” she added.
“Yes, maybe you had an abortion, or yes, maybe you all were engaged in relations before marriage…but experiencing domestic abuse is not punishment for some other sin, and you are called to address it, to figure out what to do,” she said.
How the Church responds to domestic abuse
In 1992, the Catholic bishops of the U.S. wrote “When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women.”
In the document, the bishops clearly state Catholic Church teaching regarding domestic abuse. They also examine why abuse happens, how one can respond to it, and information on where and how abused women and men can seek help.
The document “was cutting edge in 1992 and is still incredibly relevant and appropriate,” said Fr. Dahm. It has since been updated, but only in very minor ways.
“As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form —physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal —is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. We have called for a moral revolution to replace a culture of violence. We acknowledge that violence has many forms, many causes, and many victims—men as well as women,” the bishops stated in the document’s introduction.
But while the document is excellent, it is still a “really well-kept secret” of the Church, Dahm said, in that many priests and Church leaders do not know that it exists. He said part of his work over the years has been to bring this document to the attention of priests and seminarians during his workshops on domestic violence.
Catholics for Family Peace is another key part of the Church’s response in the United States.
“All the major religions have a national office where clergy and leaders can be trained on domestic abuse, and so we’re it for Catholics,” O’Brien noted.
“We work with dioceses to implement the 20 strategies in the (bishop’s) statement and to create a coordinated, compassionate response to domestic abuse,” she said. They also host several awareness-raising events during the month of October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Lauri Przybysz, co-founder of Catholics For Family Peace, told CNA that their mission extends beyond education and training for clergy and leaders to “education for engaged couples as they prepare for marriage, for them to understand what a healthy relationship means for their marriage, and just facts about domestic violence that a lot of people aren’t aware of.”
“We actually have an education module that we can share with marriage preparation leaders… [that] has a little questionnaire that a couple can take to say, to identify: ‘Is there something in my relationship that could be better?’” she said.
They also educate teens on healthy dating and relationships, and they compile good secular resources that clergy can use too, because many of them do not have anything in them contrary to the Catholic faith, Przybysz said.
O’Brien also said that the archdioceses of both Chicago and Washington, D.C., have modeled some of the best responses to domestic violence.
Laura Yeomans is the program manager for the Parish Partners Program at Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. The website for the program includes a homily on domestic violence, a downloadable packet for pastors responding to domestic violence, definitions and explanations of domestic violence and Church teaching, as well as links to emergency resources for victims, among other things.
Yeomans and her team connect with priests and families at the parish level when they are notified about cases of domestic abuse, she said.
“We go out to the parish setting and we meet individually with families who are suffering domestic abuse,” Yeomans said.
Basic do’s and don’ts of responding to domestic violence
While a natural response for pastors or Catholics who learn about a case of domestic abuse may be to call the police, Przybysz warned against it. If a perpetrator knows they have been found out, their violence could escalate to the point of killing their victim.
“It’s about walking beside someone, giving them information about where they can find safety, when they decide to make the move,” she said.
Yeomans seconded this advice. “When you’re talking with family suffering, domestic abuse, it’s very important that we not go in with an agenda,” she said.
The first thing to do is listen, Yeomans said, and to say: “I believe you.” Next, she said, ask: “What can I do? How can I help you? What step would you like to take?”
“It’s very important not to say, ‘You should forgive him,’” she said, because this gives the victim the false impression that they must continue enduring the abuse in the meantime. Forgiveness may come eventually, Yeomans said, but the first priority is the safety of the victim.
“Forgiveness is not permitting the abuse to continue,” she said. “It is not allowing yourself and your children to be in danger.”
Spreading awareness of domestic violence, and of the resources available, is one of the best things priests can do for their parishioners, Fr. Dahm said, because then they will know where to turn for help. He said he found it especially true among Hispanics and Latinos, especially those who had recently come to the United States and prefer going to the Church for help.
“It is absolutely true that Hispanics prefer to go to their parish,” he said. “They feel more welcome, they feel safer, that was why in our parish we were so successful – people came to us from all over. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that people wanted to go to a place they trusted.”
Yeomans said that besides speaking about domestic violence at Mass, priests should find out what resources are available to them locally. Once they know what domestic violence hotlines and resources are available, they can print flyers with information and hang them in parish bathrooms, and put informative inserts in their parish bulletins.
Another thing that Yeomans has seen priests do is to raise the question about domestic violence and healthy relationships during times like baptism class, when couples are already at Church to receive some education and information.
Pope said that in the UK, the bishops’ goals for having domestic violence as the theme for their Day for Life was to raise awareness of the issue, to raise additional funds for resources, and to make domestic violence culturally unacceptable.
Fr. Dahm added that he is willing to travel throughout the United States to preach and give workshops on domestic violence in parishes.
“If there are bishops in dioceses who are interested, just tell me, and I will go there,” he said.
By focusing on domestic violence, among other issues, as important pro-life issues, Pope said the bishops hope to help their people follow God’s call in the Gospel of John more closely: “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, call the national domestic violence hotline at: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY). For more information, go to www.thehotline.org.
Domestic violence resources through the Archdiocese of Chicago are available at: https://pvm.archchicago.org/human-dignity-solidarity/domestic-violence-outreach
Domestic violence resources, including the pastoral response packet, are available through Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. at: https://www.catholiccharitiesdc.org/familypeace/
Catholics can also visit Catholics for Family Peace or For Your Marriage for additional information.
[…]
Although today’s polls are often contradicted by tomorrow’s, a recent poll claimed that more than half the Catholics contacted endorsed VP Harris. Apparently, a great number (alas!) don’t feel the abandonment to which Sen. Vance refers. Of course, as Deacon Peitler has pointed out in several responses to other articles, how was “Catholics” defined in the poll to which I’m referring, or was it even defined at all?
Precisely, Ken T. There are Catholics and there are Catholics.
I personally think that if VP Kamala Harris is elected, along with Gov. Walz, that within a few months, their lack of qualifications will become sadly evident and there will be demands for their resignation. I hope that if they are elected, VP Harris will have the sense to choose people wiser than her for her Cabinet and for other advisory positions.
There are many eligible Democrats that have more experience, more people skills, and more governing skills-it was shocking that VP Harris received the nomination, especially after she demonstrated incompetence in the several “jobs” that Pres. Biden gave her during his Presidency. I realize that most Democrats (actually, all elected Democrats) are pro-abortion–but there are many other issues that require experience and intelligence, which Harris and Walz lack, and other Democrats have.
In our state, the campaigns for “women’s reproductive rights” are filled with exaggerations and falsehoods–and many Americans believe them (because they WANT to believe them).
I think the best hope that we have of electing pro-life and pro-religion candidates is that many of the younger people who are easy prey for the liberal/evil ads, will not actually vote, but will only “think about” voting–if they could vote on their I-phones, they might do it, but these days, there are quite a few 20-somethings who don’t know how to drive and still live with their parents and spend much of their time in their bedrooms on their phones and playing video games with people across the country that they’ve never met in person. Hopefully we Baby Boomers (and there are still quite a lot of us!), and even some of the generation before us who still have their health, will come out in force to cast votes for candidates that are actually qualified to lead.
You think like a Boomer. The days of “I can be a serious Christian and still vote for Democrats” passed a long time ago. The 1960s are over. Time to get with the program.
I too am a Boomer, from one of the most liberal blue states in the nation, was a Democrat raised by Depression-era, FDR/JFK Democrats, and I haven’t voted for a Democrat since 1984, when I held my breath, voted for Reagan, and realized that the ceiling wasn’t going to crash down on my head. I haven’t voted for or thought or spoken like a Democrat since then, and I know others of my generation like me. Please don’t make generalizations like “think like a Boomer.” I know all sorts of Boomers who think all sorts of ways.
Well, if it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck…
As a Boomer, you need to assume responsibility for the fact that much of the decay evident in our culture can be laid at your feet. We’re the ones who have to clean up the mess you all made of things.
You get no argument from me there, but don’t be surprised if 40 or 50 years from now — should the Lord delay His coming — someone from a future generation makes the same statement to you and your generation. It’s the same claim Boomers made to *their* parents.
People’s birth years don’t define them anymore than people’s sexual attractions do. I don’t think we should be categorizing folks that way.
The Democrat Party has changed for the worse over the years. Some people have come to realize that, some not.
Thank you JD Vance! I am a 70 year old cradle Catholic and I have never felt more threatened by the Harris/ Walz ticket! Let us ask our Divine Master, Jesus Christ to intervene in this election.
“When two or more are gathered….”
Amen
Doesn’t the definition of “abandoned” imply that at one time they were with us? Maybe someone can remind me when that was the case.
Which Catholics, the Baptized Catholics who are being persecuted for affirming that God, The Ordered Communion Of Perfect Love, The Most Holy And Undivided Blessed Trinity, Through The Unity Of The Holy Ghost (Filioque), Is The Author Of Love, Of Life, And Of Marriage, and desire to affirm their Baptismal Promises, in public and in private, or the Baptized Catholics who no longer profess that God, The Ordered Communion Of Perfect Love, The Most Holy And Undivided Blessed Trinity, Through The Unity Of The Holy Ghost, Is The Author of Love, Of Life, And Of Marriage, having defected from The Catholic Faith, no longer affirm their Baptismal Promises?
I don’t think it exercising prudential judgment to put the codes for our nuclear weapons in the hands of an imbecile.
I think many Catholics assumed the Democrat Party was with us decades ago. I’m pretty sure the GOP wasn’t. But in truth, we shouldn’t be putting our trust in politics in the first place. I’m just voting GOP because I can’t vote in good conscience for the other side.
Did you see that lady from Brazil who went through the line when Trump was serving? She asked him to not let the US become Brail, apparently a bunch of crooks?
Is anyone reading this from Brazil? are the politicians there crooks?
I have no idea about Brazil but politicians & crookedness seem to be a universal feature.
Prophets such as Ryszard Legutko and Michael Hanby are warning about the fusion of democracy and liberalism into a super-theory which permits no competing political ideologies, ushering in progress in the form of technocracy.
In regards to Catholic foundational views on the family, such a technocracy might bring to mind its ultimate expression in the process of in vitro fertilization, for which Vance is a willing contributor.
If that is due to political expediency, one wonders about the degree to which future expediency will make the “lesser of two evils” indistinguishable.
Mrs. Whitlock above – I wouldn’t invest too much hope in Baby Boomers.
From what I can see, they/we are the ones who bought “the spirit of Vatican II” and betrayed the faith. (Viz. Biden, Pelosi et al.)
I feel just as abandoned by Trump and Vance, who basically told pro-life voters to get lost. He has some chutzpah saying something like that.
I an hope that Harris, the Democratic Party will realize what being a Democratic stands for. The Democratic party has become extremely liberal. Do realize all people, no matter what their gender, sex, race, religion, etc. need to be represented but it seems, at lest to me, that the pendulum has swung too far. There is no way I can vote for Tramp. And I am leery of Vance’s version of Catholicism. So staying Democratic.
Politics on fire.
I am no fan of Harris/Walz, but Vance’s statements and his duplicit blind support of a demented convicted lying felon should cause one to pause and reflect.
Vance: “Any woman who remains childless is a cat lady. She should pay higher taxes. The Haitian migrants in Springfield, Ohio are eating cats and dogs”. Republican Ohio Governor Mike DeWine and the Mayor quickly refuted that claim. That lie prompted threats of bombings causing havoc and the closings of schools.
His previously damning statements included, “Trump was an American Hitler. He is unfit to hold office”.
At the debate with Walz, he evaded the question if he thought the 2024 election was fair. Often issuing deflective lies.
Trump’s unbelievable and off message in Greensboro, NC about Arnold Palmer’s “manhood” discovered by fellow pros in a shower. “Trump didn’t really mean that”. Palmer’s daughter Peg Palmer Wears said her father often doubted Trump’s mental state. Add to that Trump’s recent in-your-face rants: There was a peaceful transfer of power on 1/6/21. “It was a day of LOVE”! After he bellowed at the Eclipse on that dark day, “Go down to the Capitol and fight like hell”. Then reclining to the Oval Office to watch the mayhem on the dining room TV for hours. Then Meadows taking calls even from Donald. Jr and Evonka to stop the riot he finally appeared to say, “go home now, we love you”.
Not only does Vance have blind support for Trump, sadly it is my faith that has been shaken by the recent adoration of Trump at the Al Smith dinner by my Bishop Cardinal Dolan.
Conclusion: If I am to remain a patriotic American I must put country ahead of politics. Hope everyone can do the same.
I’m putting my country and family first and voting for Trump. Politics comes last.
Trump’s politics sway you? How and why?
I don’t understand. Please elaborate if you can. How is voting for Trump putting your country and family first.
More Trump Derangement Syndrome on display, par for the course.
My wife and I cast our vote today for Trump/J.D. here in Virginia. I also reached out to some Amish in PA with whom we did business earlier this year to do the same. Their reply: “More Amish than ever before are getting out to vote.” Now if we can do something to stop the defrauding of elections in this country, we might someday return to being a democratic Republic.
Good for you Deacon Edward. I’m going to try & do the same thing on my way home this evening.
It’s interesting about the Amish. I read they were active supporters of Mr. Trump in 2020 also.
Actually, I’m surprised to learn that the Amish are voting at all. Maybe I’m desperately behind the times, but I was under the impression that the Amish don’t vote as a sign of their separation from the world. I have among my in-laws some “conservative” — i.e., plain — Mennonites, and although I know that some less traditional Mennonites vote, those of my in-laws’ conference eschew voting. (One of these in-laws explained why to me; frankly, I thought it sounded like political Christian Science.)
Just can’t understand the reason behind voting for Trump. If if is the abortion issues, can’t you see what all he wants to do is dangerous, for all of us?
No but I do see the dangers in a Harris administration. She has clearly spelled out her intentions.
I do not feel abandoned by Biden/Harris or the Democrats in general.
The Church, yes.
The Dems, no. Not at all.
(Edit: I just want to make clear I am in no way supporting the Biden/Harris or the Democrats. Never have. Never will.)
Until I heard his humorous remarks at the traditional Al Smith Catholic dinner in NYC in the presence of the Cardinal, I did not know that DT had saved the Catholic schools of NY, after the then Cardinal asked for his help. He made some phone calls and in 15 minutes he got several million for the Catholic schools. Amazing. Watch this. It is also very funny. He starts talking at min 2:50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAwbHmrplak
Harris opposes even religious exceptions for abortion: ‘During an interview with NBC News on Tuesday, 2024 Democratic presidential candidate Vice President Kamala Harris said that religious exemptions on providing abortion would not be on the table for her because we shouldn’t “be making concessions when we’re talking about a fundamental freedom to make decisions about your own body.”’ The choice for a Christian in the coming election is not difficult. One candidate appointed judges to the Supreme Court who overthrew the unconstitutional Roe v. Wade, and a candidate who will leave it to the citizens of each state, in our federal republic, to decide on abortion limits and acceptance. The other candidate promises to make the right to abortion under all circumstances and lengths of gestation a national law regardless of the views of the citizens of each state, even the most Christian states in the republic. And in four years in office one candidate gave us a booming economy, secure borders, peace abroad, energy self-sufficient, lower inflation, and so forth. The other candidate is in an administration that is doing the opposite of all this and destroying our country. BTW, please publicize the video in youtube made by Dr. Anthony Levatino, M.D., Obstetrician, Gynecologist and former abortionist. It is a sobering description of the process of abortion at various stages of gestation. It should be known by the general public especially young women who in school are not told the true details of the matter. This is the link; again, post it in social media if you can:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7lTMzEs8E
except the mRna shot
Harris imposes that “we shouldn’t ‘be making concessions when we’re talking about a fundamental freedom to make decisions about your own body’.”
This is not a political moment, it’s another Galileo Moment. It’s about the unwillingness to notice through the telescope–or now “fundamental” embryology, or fiber optics, or the ultrasound, or even the delivery table!–that there’s more than one body.
mrs. Thank you for your frank response. However, your adoration of Trump is an admission that he can say and do anything he pleases. We should take the serious words from many of Trump’s advisers and military Generals.
COS General John Kelly, “he is the core of a fascist dictator. Kelly: “He did say at the National Cemetery where our fallen heroes who saved our country from wars in order to protect us and Trump, who faked heel spurs and not spending an hour in service to his country, “They are all suckers and losers”.
Former Defense Secretary Mark Esper has called him a “threat to democracy.”
Former Vice President Mike Pence has declined to endorse him, citing “profound differences.”
Sarah Matthews, a former Trump aide who testified before the House Jan. 6 committee and is among those warning about the threat he poses, said it’s “mind-boggling” how many members of his senior staff have denounced him.
Others: Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley, John Bolton, General Mattis, Even Bill Barr, Trump’s former attorney general who has not ruled out voting for him again, has referred to Trump as “a consummate narcissist” who “constantly engages in reckless conduct that puts his country and his political followers at risk.”
And the beat goes on…
Convictions for January 6.
Steve Bannon, “Watch tomorrow All Hell Is Going To Break Loose’ before Capitol Attack” Sidney Powell, ROGER STONE, ALLEN WEISSELBERG, PETER NAVARRO, MICHAEL FLYNN, (Marshall law, call out the military), Kenneth Chesebro, (fake electors), Jenna Ellis.
I know that I missed something.
PBS News: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/former-trump-officials-are-among-the-most-vocal-opponents-of-returning-him-to-the-white-house
Mr. Morgan, where in my comments do you detect Trump adoration?
mrsc. I didn’t intend to upset you. I should not have sent it to you in a reply, rather as a new post.
Thank you.
God bless
I wasn’t upset Mr. Morgan, just puzzled. I’m sure there must be people who are devoted to Pres. Trump in that way but I’ve never expressed adoration. I’m just making the best choice I can between the only 2 viable candidates on the ballot this year.
No one is adoring anyone, and it’s inappropriate and dishonest to frame the discussion in that way. People are looking carefully at the issues and the different candidates, none of whom are perfect. But some are less imperfect than others. A Harris presidency, which you support as indicated in your many posts, would be an unmitigated disaster politically, economically, and spiritually. You don’t occupy the moral high ground.
With every passing day Kamala shows herself to be more and more of an airhead, whilst Timmy is a self-confessed ‘knucklehead’.
Meanwhile a man who is CLEARLY in increasing cognitive decline presides in the White House.
The democratic party will have to answer to history for this.
WOW, Terrance. True Biden has shown mental decline, but you seem to miss the current mental instability of Trump. When I voted for him in 2016 he was sharp, concise and clear. Today, during his campaign, he rants off issue with his personal diatribe. Asked if he had a plan for improving healthcare? He said that he had an outline! That alone causes me to not vote for him. I see none of this from Harris.
Right. Because Harris has been a model of clarity and honesty throughout her campaign 🙄.