Washington D.C., Jun 23, 2019 / 04:12 pm (CNA).- This Sunday, in Catholic parishes across the country, one in four women sitting in the pews will have experienced severe physical violence in their own homes from their spouses or partners – including burns, choking, beating, or the use of a weapon against them. One in nine men will have experienced the same.
According to one priest who is an expert in the subject, priests in the U.S. are still not doing enough to address the issue.
“The Church has been complicit in this because we haven’t talked about it enough,” said Fr. Charles Dahm, a priest of the Chicago Archdiocese who leads its domestic violence outreach program.
Dahm was a priest at a large parish with a majority-Hispanic population near downtown Chicago for 21 years. During his time there, after hiring a counselor on his staff, he learned that many of his parishioners were victims of domestic abuse, he told CNA. He asked his counselor to train him in recognizing and responding to abuse, and he started to talk about domestic violence in his homilies.
“And the more I spoke about it, the more victims came to me,” he said. Word of Dahm’s parish ministry spread, as parishioners referred their relatives, neighbors and friends. Around the year 2000, the parish office was receiving an average of one victim of domestic violence every day, he said.
Today, he coordinates the Church’s response to domestic abuse at the Archdiocese of Chicago, educating and training priests and other Church leaders on how to prevent and respond to instances of domestic abuse. He travels to give homilies and workshops on the topic, and while he’s been to many parishes throughout his own archdiocese, Dahm said it has been difficult to get other dioceses to respond to his offers of help.
The clergy of the U.S., including the bishops, are largely ignorant about the existence of domestic violence, Dahm said.
“The studies show it’s rampant in the United States. Every pastor who stands up on Sunday looking out on his congregation – he is facing dozens if not scores of victims in his congregation in front of him, and he does not know how to speak to them.”
The ignorance surrounding domestic abuse has a variety of causes, Dahm noted. Priests have not been educated on domestic violence in the seminary, and so they do not expect to encounter it in the priesthood. If a priest does not talk about domestic violence, victims may not approach him about it, and he can therefore have a false sense that it does not exist in his parish. Priests are also overstretched and overworked, and can be weary about taking on new ministries, he added.
“It’s a real travesty that…the clergy is resistant to this topic,” he said.
Misunderstanding abuse as a Catholic
There can also be misunderstandings among Catholics – lay people and clergy alike – about the prevalence of domestic violence and how to respond to it within the context of a Christian marriage.
For example, Dahm said, it is a mistake to think that because couples are religious and going to church, they are less likely to experience or perpetrate abuse.
A 2019 study from the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institution of Brigham Young University found that while religion offers many benefits to couples, it unfortunately does not positively impact their rates of domestic violence.
“When it comes to domestic violence, religious couples in heterosexual relationships do not have an advantage over secular couples or less/mixed religious couples. Measures of intimate partner violence (IPV)—which includes physical abuse, as well as sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and controlling behaviors—do not differ in a statistically significant way by religiosity,” the study noted.
Other misunderstandings about how to respond to domestic violence come from an incomplete understanding of the Catholic teaching about the permanence of marriage, or the role of suffering in the life of a Christian.
Sharon O’Brien is the director of Catholics For Family Peace, an education and research initiative that is part of the National Catholic School of Social Service’s Consortium for Catholic Social Teaching at the Catholic University of America.
O’Brien told CNA that while marriage is meant to be a sacrament that lasts until the end of a person’s or their partner’s life, domestic violence can be a valid justification for a Catholic to seek at least physical separation from their spouse.
“Catholics I think are challenged to understand that abuse in a marriage is unacceptable,” O’Brien said. “But it’s sinful and it’s usually criminal.”
Greg Pope is the assistant general secretary for the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, which recently held their annual Day for Life, a day set aside for raising awareness of various pro-life issues. This year, they chose domestic violence as the theme of the day.
Pope told CNA that domestic violence “fundamentally undermines the Church’s teaching on the inherent dignity of the human person and the complementarity of couples within a marriage.”
He said that Catholic couples experiencing domestic abuse should know that Canon Law, the governing law of the Church, addresses domestic violence, and states: “If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.” (Can. 1153 §1.)
“The Church does not force anyone to remain in an abusive relationship,” Pope reiterated.
Furthermore, O’Brien said, Catholics can have a misunderstanding of the role of suffering in their lives, and some may think that the suffering they experience through domestic violence may be God’s way of “punishing” them for some other sin.
“Yes, suffering exists and yes, we can offer it to the Lord, but we’re not to seek suffering,” O’Brien said, and Catholics should not tolerate abuse in the name of suffering.
“The other big deal with Catholics is understanding that this is not punishment,” she added.
“Yes, maybe you had an abortion, or yes, maybe you all were engaged in relations before marriage…but experiencing domestic abuse is not punishment for some other sin, and you are called to address it, to figure out what to do,” she said.
How the Church responds to domestic abuse
In 1992, the Catholic bishops of the U.S. wrote “When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women.”
In the document, the bishops clearly state Catholic Church teaching regarding domestic abuse. They also examine why abuse happens, how one can respond to it, and information on where and how abused women and men can seek help.
The document “was cutting edge in 1992 and is still incredibly relevant and appropriate,” said Fr. Dahm. It has since been updated, but only in very minor ways.
“As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form —physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal —is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. We have called for a moral revolution to replace a culture of violence. We acknowledge that violence has many forms, many causes, and many victims—men as well as women,” the bishops stated in the document’s introduction.
But while the document is excellent, it is still a “really well-kept secret” of the Church, Dahm said, in that many priests and Church leaders do not know that it exists. He said part of his work over the years has been to bring this document to the attention of priests and seminarians during his workshops on domestic violence.
Catholics for Family Peace is another key part of the Church’s response in the United States.
“All the major religions have a national office where clergy and leaders can be trained on domestic abuse, and so we’re it for Catholics,” O’Brien noted.
“We work with dioceses to implement the 20 strategies in the (bishop’s) statement and to create a coordinated, compassionate response to domestic abuse,” she said. They also host several awareness-raising events during the month of October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Lauri Przybysz, co-founder of Catholics For Family Peace, told CNA that their mission extends beyond education and training for clergy and leaders to “education for engaged couples as they prepare for marriage, for them to understand what a healthy relationship means for their marriage, and just facts about domestic violence that a lot of people aren’t aware of.”
“We actually have an education module that we can share with marriage preparation leaders… [that] has a little questionnaire that a couple can take to say, to identify: ‘Is there something in my relationship that could be better?’” she said.
They also educate teens on healthy dating and relationships, and they compile good secular resources that clergy can use too, because many of them do not have anything in them contrary to the Catholic faith, Przybysz said.
O’Brien also said that the archdioceses of both Chicago and Washington, D.C., have modeled some of the best responses to domestic violence.
Laura Yeomans is the program manager for the Parish Partners Program at Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. The website for the program includes a homily on domestic violence, a downloadable packet for pastors responding to domestic violence, definitions and explanations of domestic violence and Church teaching, as well as links to emergency resources for victims, among other things.
Yeomans and her team connect with priests and families at the parish level when they are notified about cases of domestic abuse, she said.
“We go out to the parish setting and we meet individually with families who are suffering domestic abuse,” Yeomans said.
Basic do’s and don’ts of responding to domestic violence
While a natural response for pastors or Catholics who learn about a case of domestic abuse may be to call the police, Przybysz warned against it. If a perpetrator knows they have been found out, their violence could escalate to the point of killing their victim.
“It’s about walking beside someone, giving them information about where they can find safety, when they decide to make the move,” she said.
Yeomans seconded this advice. “When you’re talking with family suffering, domestic abuse, it’s very important that we not go in with an agenda,” she said.
The first thing to do is listen, Yeomans said, and to say: “I believe you.” Next, she said, ask: “What can I do? How can I help you? What step would you like to take?”
“It’s very important not to say, ‘You should forgive him,’” she said, because this gives the victim the false impression that they must continue enduring the abuse in the meantime. Forgiveness may come eventually, Yeomans said, but the first priority is the safety of the victim.
“Forgiveness is not permitting the abuse to continue,” she said. “It is not allowing yourself and your children to be in danger.”
Spreading awareness of domestic violence, and of the resources available, is one of the best things priests can do for their parishioners, Fr. Dahm said, because then they will know where to turn for help. He said he found it especially true among Hispanics and Latinos, especially those who had recently come to the United States and prefer going to the Church for help.
“It is absolutely true that Hispanics prefer to go to their parish,” he said. “They feel more welcome, they feel safer, that was why in our parish we were so successful – people came to us from all over. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that people wanted to go to a place they trusted.”
Yeomans said that besides speaking about domestic violence at Mass, priests should find out what resources are available to them locally. Once they know what domestic violence hotlines and resources are available, they can print flyers with information and hang them in parish bathrooms, and put informative inserts in their parish bulletins.
Another thing that Yeomans has seen priests do is to raise the question about domestic violence and healthy relationships during times like baptism class, when couples are already at Church to receive some education and information.
Pope said that in the UK, the bishops’ goals for having domestic violence as the theme for their Day for Life was to raise awareness of the issue, to raise additional funds for resources, and to make domestic violence culturally unacceptable.
Fr. Dahm added that he is willing to travel throughout the United States to preach and give workshops on domestic violence in parishes.
“If there are bishops in dioceses who are interested, just tell me, and I will go there,” he said.
By focusing on domestic violence, among other issues, as important pro-life issues, Pope said the bishops hope to help their people follow God’s call in the Gospel of John more closely: “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, call the national domestic violence hotline at: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY). For more information, go to www.thehotline.org.
Domestic violence resources through the Archdiocese of Chicago are available at: https://pvm.archchicago.org/human-dignity-solidarity/domestic-violence-outreach
Domestic violence resources, including the pastoral response packet, are available through Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. at: https://www.catholiccharitiesdc.org/familypeace/
Catholics can also visit Catholics for Family Peace or For Your Marriage for additional information.
[…]
So much for the great pro life president ever! Like that other fake, riki lake, they promise everything and yet provide only molehills!
Mr. Trump promised to nominate prolife judges and he did exactly that. There’s a lengthy list of his prolife accomplishments online.
That’s all I can go by in selecting a candidate:past results.
I was with ya until your last sentence?
Trump is as pro-life as Biden is Catholic. Will never vote for either of them. Glad for any good that the Good Lord brings out of this.
America is finished.
Doomed.
How can God bless a nation so intent on destroying its own children?
Without even an organized opposition to the evil?
I am so disgusted.
Utterly, totally, vehemently, violently sickened.
By my country.
My state.
My political party.
The “pro-life” movement.
*And* my church.
*Especially* my church.
The end is near.
Here, probably.
We deserve whatever we get.
In the past fifty-one years, we have crucified Jesus more than a billion times.
The “pro-life” movement is a fraud.
America’s war on children is only gaining in intensity.
Sounds like you have a disagreement with Our Lord when He promised that “the gates of Hades would not prevail against it.” His church is forever and when it is in serious danger His return is eminent. Keep watch.
The Church has a lot of work to do, because the work probably won’t be done anywhere else. The overturning of Roe v. Wade was the overturning of one injustice in the law, and this legal event is now giving cover to many Republicans including the likes of Trump who is already pro gay marriage & pro IVF, and now pro-abortion as is everyone who believes that abortion is to the “will of the people” and can be decided by referendum. Trump is basically saying I gave you what you wanted, so stop complaining. He hasn’t a clue about what “pro-life” means (or pro-family for that matter).
We cannot compete in the metropolitan areas. we spent a lot to defeat Prop 3 in that last election in MI and we were soundly defeated with Big Gretch and her media working to get out the vote to save abortion rights. One of the churches in Detroit area had pro life signs around it to defeat 3 and a Ford family heir that lives nearby was all bent out of shape about it.
Meanwhile, regular healthcare is being rationed.
Let’s keep bending them over time into the right shape.
Trump is merely keeping with the Dobbs Decision, which makes abortion an issue for the states.
Exactly. That’s how federalism works. I think a national ban would actually backfire and produce more negative than positive consequences. Leave it to the states.
That’s fine if you are happy with the way things are just want a “game manager” to preserve the current American paradise.
If you want someone who will use the bully pulpit to advocate your principles and priorities, then the question is whether this guy’s principles and priorities are the same as yours.
Exactly. He is correct in this decision of his, as much as I am pro-life, I have zero doubt that if Trump were to support a federal ban on abortion of any type, it would guarantee defeat of him and Republicans. At this point, leaving it to the States as per the SCOTUS decision is the most moderate statement anyone can make. And, frankly, at this point, I have to choose between Republicans and Democrats to lead this country, and I know which of the two is the worst for the future of this country in all ways. Not voting for Trump or any Republican because s/he is not perfect is simply a vote for Biden and and every other yet more imperfect Democrat.
OK, in what sense exactly is this “correct”? That he acknowledges that he lacks the authority to force change? Sure, it would be a nice change if he were to begin acknowledging that he is not omnipotent, that he is not an absolute monarch, and that he is not omniscient. It would be a nice to see some humility, but let’s be sure this is not merely indifference.
But here’s the thing: One need not be an absolute monarch of unlimited authority to insist that some things are absolutely wrong and should be universally illegal. Sorry, but it is clear that Trump fundamentally does not consider abortion to be one of those things.
You seem to think that if he kicks abortion way back to the back burner and concentrates on the “really important issues”, like money, then maybe he can gain power. Maybe that is true, but if so, his money perish with him.
The most pro-life president in American history, amiright?
Donald Trump’s presidency got us a Supreme Court that overturned Roe. Now it’s up to each state’s voters to enact laws protecting human rights. Our state did that and so can can yours.
🙏
Unfortunately, the opposite is happening in blue states with blue governors.
Ours had ads out and still thinks, that reproductive freedom will get young professional women to stay or move to MI.
Are you in N Mexico? How did your state do it?
No, New Mexico’s a beautiful state though.
Our own state is extremely prolife. Even many Democrats here are, too. We don’t get every issue right but we have the safety of unborn lives covered 100%.
Mrs Cracker –
Nobody who is genuinely pro-life uses phrases like “abortion rights” and (in commenting on the Arizona law) “Do what’s right for your family and do what’s right for yourself”. Trump’s only enduring principle is that he is awesome and people who acknowledge his awesomeness are great human beings (even, Kim Jong Un).
This doesn’t mean go support Joe Biden. But stop pretending Trump is pro-life or pro-anything other than himself.
People who will take whatever position is needed to ‘get elected’ [“And then, you guys, he will be super-duper pro-life!!!”] are not worthy leaders.
I’m not in charge of Mr. Trump’s conscience, I’m only concerned whether he can slow the cultural tailspin our nation’s experiencing or not. In his previous administration he did much good. My hope & prayer is that will happen again if he’s reelected.
Whether effecting good is more of a business deal for him, I don’t know but I’m just looking at the results. Not the motivation. I have quite low expectations of all politicians. It’s always a pleasant surprise when they carry through with their campaign promises. We’ll just have to wait & see.
Now that the “pro-life” movement has agreed to permit some abortions under certain circumstances, they have forfeit any basis on which to object to any abortion.
If you accept the killing of one child, then you have no moral compunction about the killing of any and all children.
The pro-life movement is dead in America.
It’s not dead where we live, Brineyman.
Please expound.
Our own state has been 100% free of legally enshrined feticide since Dobbs. Every single clinic that committed feticides has been shuttered & closed.
Our state prolife organizations are active, pregnancy help centers have lots of community support, & both Democrats & GOP here tend to be prolife.
It’s not perfect. We have higher rates of poverty, crime, chronic disease, & illiteracy. We have IVF clinics operating because prolife people have not not educated about IVF’s destruction of embryos. But overall, we’re in a very good prolife place considering all that.
See, in our state a simple majority got it enshrined in the state’s constitution. the college kids who never cared about voting were lined up and voting till the end for prop 3 and Whitmer and her cronies. the next few days were blue for the pro lifers. didn;t the same thing happen a couple months ago in OH? The media played Dixon over and over saying about cases of incest and rape not exempt – it was brutal
You can’t paint up everyone like that. What good is it. Yes pro-death is very astute and iron-handed! For that! – and for love, those who would have faltered should come on back to the true fold and let’s make the righteous heard with more determination.
No politician, in no historical context, can ever be sincere, otherwise they cannot hope for an election. They must promise, lying. In this regard, Trump is at least less hypocritical than before. Unlike ordinary people, who make mistakes out of ignorance, above all, a politician will never, ever not lie. Unless he is a saint.
Machiavelli lives on. At least in the minds of politicians. Perhaps I’m naive. Would Diogenes perhaps find an honest one?
Trump is trying to get re-reelected.
He was extremely favorable to “Catholics” while in office.
He is the only President to participate in the DC March for Life.
He made a very succinct and even reverent address there on the sanctity of Life.
Our devious ecclesiastics never supported Trump – they receive hundreds of millions in government funds for their efforts to undermine our nation.
It is reported that 60% of “Catholics” are pro-choice.
The term ‘pro-choice’ is a Luciferian lie of language that claims murder in the womb is acceptable.
“Catholics” have voted in the majority for the corrupt DemoncRats in all the past presidential elections since the Clintons.
Trump felt betrayed by the “Catholic” church so he modified his stance to hide behind the cowardice of the Supreme Court – 5 “Catholic” “Justices” who could not even protect the lives of 9 month old babies in the womb.
All the people trashing Trump for his decision should rather pray for the conversion of their pope and bishops.
If the Barque of Peter had not gone adrift post VatII it is very possible “Catholic” votes could have prevented this horrible maelstrom.
How many priests do you see outside Planned Parenthood in surplice and stole leading parishioners in Rosaries and exorcism prayers?
The greatest massacre in human history gets little attention and some eejit Vatican favorite Cardinals publicly minimize it.
Trump ain’t half as bad as they are.
Least we forget that the democrats are far more devoted to abortion now than the democrats then were devoted to slavery.
The Catholic Church needs to abandon politics and walk alone. The man-made government in Washington DC is not part of God’s plan. The Catholic Church and the Word of God are the tools God gave us to change people’s hearts. Anyone who pledges allegiance to a man-made government is worshipping a Golden Calf.
With today’s overwhelming publicity and controversy, we are over Trumped.
Trump is a duplicitous paradoxical anomaly and has displayed a significant danger to society, especially his incessant lying poisoning the minds of our innocent children. His niece Mary Trump has the whole story in her book “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man”. Moreover, his MAGA puppeteer influence has “in-your-face” snookered many devoted Catholics, Evangelists and Protestants and their prelates and cowardly politicians. He exploits lying cables TV of Fox News and Newsmax. Amazingly, in Catholic Vote in March 2024 the Catholic Bishop organized a group to go to Mar A Lago to genuflect at Trump’s altar. Stunningly, the CV website has become a funding port to elect Trump. Pure hypocrisy!
Trump’s “moral” position on abortion he stated that there should be “some sort of criminal consequence of an abortion, regardless of a life threat to the mother.
He would not support a national ban on abortion. He would leave the decision to the states. That is exactly where we are today and it is a disaster. Red and blue states with a competing attitude and its widening. Arizona using an 1864 draconic abortion law that is causing MAGAs to reverse their position.
The chants by the radical left have become deafening. There MUST be a nationwide “ban” on abortion with the medical exceptions. The only issue is “how we morally manage” abortion on demand? Political hacks have stumbled and failed. How can we be monitoring and adjudicating a “violation” of a law. Whose law? God’s law!
Not is Trump only an anomaly, he is a unique study. His recent expose’…
“I am your retribution. I will expand the power of POTUS. I will invoke Marshall law to attack demonstrators, I am absolutely immune”…. In his campaign of 2016 Trump said “anyone who invokes the 5th he is guilty”. Then in the NYS indictment held by New York Attorney General Letitia James’ office in its probe into the Trump Organization’s illicit NY business practices, Trump invoked the 5th 450 times answering only once to acknowledge his name. WOW!
Let us enhance our attack on abortion on demand.
Let’s be honest. Trump is no idiot. If he said he would sign a universal abortion ban, he would be handing the Democrats a club to be him over the head with. There is no way the Congress and Senate will pass a law making abortion illegal that he needs to veto. It is a fantasy to believe this could ever be a realistic event. Trump is starting this to keep the Democrats from making this an issue. If you don’t support Trump, you’ll get Biden and you know what Uncle Joe believes about abortion.
You are rignt that Trump is not a idiot. He has hoodwinked my entire GOP!
A nationwide abortion ban, with exceptions, is the only reasonable solution. When SOCTUS overthrew Roe and gave each state the sole responsibiity to deal with the iasue, a patchwork disaster occurred. Arizona and Texas are examples of restricted abortion law. Political hacks have created a veritable nightmare. We will never win when we praise polticians.
We must clearly state our case and increase our war on abortion. .
DT has done and is doing more for prolife than any president before him. A) he has nominated more prolife judges than any president b) he follows that Constitution, which leaves to the people and their states all powers not enumerated; so abortion should be left to the States c) his stance lessens the ace in the sleeve the pro abortion Democrat party had for the coming election d) his election will assure more pro life judges. I could go on. Don’t vote for him in November and you will see not only abortionists win the country but the anti Christian left win the country for ever because they will add twenty million illegals to the voter rolls and they will consolidate power forever.
I agree mostly but the Democrats miss that many migrants are socially conservative and hold traditional values on family matters.
I have a bridge to sell for anyone who believes Trump.
Onward, Christian soldiers, All! Hope is found in my Traditional Latin Mass church pews full of families and elders, singles, older couples, with smiling faces and dressed in Sunday best. Private Catholic citizens and their churches are hard at work donating time and baby needs to pregnancy resource centers in multiple cities. Be encouraged, Church!
Mrs. Cracker, I agree that this election we must vote for helpful, formerly kind-to-pro-life-views Trump. (He’s our hope federally to clean up the swamp! Please VOTE- our duty as Catholics. And become involved in State and Local Republican events esp. now to get out the vote! We must be stronger as Democrats’ illegals are stealing our resources and could dilute our votes as our country becomes united to the unholy world order agenda!
A nun joked with me: “Hilary played the female card;
Obama played the race card; God played the Trump card”!