Denver, Colo., Jul 20, 2017 / 03:02 am (CNA/EWTN News).- From a young age, Catholics are taught to pray about and discern their vocations – whether they’re called to marriage, to the religious life, to the priesthood, or consecrated single life.
This can leave the lay single person feeling that they are in a vocational limbo of sorts, and it’s become a topic of much heated and emotional debate in the Catholic blogosphere: have these people missed their vocation? Is the lay single state, chosen or by default, a vocation?
But actually, at the end of the day – does it matter?
Fr. Ben Hasse is a vocations director for the Diocese of Marquette, Wisc. He said addressing the topic of singleness in the Church can be difficult because of the emotions surrounding the issue.
“I have quite a few friends who would like to be married, so there’s a much more emotional investment in the question because there’s more people who find themselves single” rather than having specifically chosen it, he said.
Recognizing the emotional weight of the topic, Fr. Hasse noted that there are many aspects to addressing the question of vocation and singleness that need to be taken into account, and that it can be difficult – and dangerous – to make generalizations about a population in the Church that is actually very diverse.
Being specific about singleness
Fr. Hasse said that he has found it’s helpful as a pastor to approach singleness very specifically – whether it’s a college student who hopes to marry someday, or a widower who lost her husband last month, being single encompasses a wide variety of people and circumstances.
“Everybody will be single for at least part of their life. Nobody is born as a priest or married to someone or a consecrated religious, so everyone will pass through being single,” he said.
“It’s important to distinguish between people who are single because that’s kind of where you’re at when you’re 16, versus someone who has really felt God calling them to give their life in service to the Church as a single person,” or various other circumstances.
For example, a single 19-year-old college student is probably not necessarily living a vocation of singleness in any settled way, Fr. Hasse said, but a person in their 40s who finds joy in serving Christ in their everyday circumstances of work and life “is not someone I would say lacks a vocation.”
“It would be different from the way we usually use the word because it wouldn’t be defined, and made concrete by vows or promises,” he said.
“But the single accountant or school teacher could certainly live their life and see the work of their hands as something they’re offering to God, and live that in a very spiritually fruitful way, and I wouldn’t say – now here’s a person without a vocation.”
Your vocation is given at baptism
Jason Coito, Coordinator of Young Adult Ministry for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, told CNA that most of the debates surrounding singleness and vocation rely “on a very narrow definition of vocation, or confuses the term with what we refer to as ‘states in life,’” he said.
He said when we become fixated on discerning our state in life, referred to in the Church as the primary vocation, “…we become so focused on the ranking of them, rather than looking at each day or the bigger picture and saying, here are all of these components of my life, now how am I called to live the promise of my baptism and of my life, and how do these things work together?”
It can be helpful instead to refocus these debates and conversations on the universal vocation to holiness that each Christian receives at their baptism, Coito said.
“I think this helpfully reframes the conversation and then asks us, ‘How is God calling me to make a response to Him and to my brothers and sisters from within the state in life in which I find myself?’”
This respects every vocation, because it’s a question anyone can answer on any given day in their life, regardless of their state in life, he said.
“You do have a vocation. All baptized Catholics are called to live their lives as disciples of Jesus. This is the foundational call of our lives as Catholics,” he said.
“If you feel deeply called to get married, and you have prayerfully discerned and confirmed this call, then until you meet the person you feel called to get married to, you continue to live out your baptismal call, open to the people and circumstances that God puts in front of you each day. For those who are married, we do pretty much the same thing, except that we do this out of the sacramental relationship we have with our spouse,” he said.
In Lumen Gentium, one of the principal documents of the Second Vatican Council, Pope Paul VI wrote about the universal call to holiness each Christian has:
“Thus it is evident to everyone, that all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity; by this holiness as such a more human manner of living is promoted in this earthly society. In order that the faithful may reach this perfection, they must use their strength accordingly as they have received it, as a gift from Christ. They must follow in His footsteps and conform themselves to His image seeking the will of the Father in all things. They must devote themselves with all their being to the glory of God and the service of their neighbor. In this way, the holiness of the People of God will grow into an abundant harvest of good, as is admirably shown by the life of so many saints in Church history.”
Fr. Hasse reiterated the importance of the baptismal call to holiness, and said that this call is not something to “settle for,” but rather should be the primary focus of our lives as Christians.
“The call to holiness is not some second-string operation,” he said.
“It’s not like – wow I really wish I had something important to work towards, but since I don’t, sanctity will have to tide me over until the beatific vision.”
“So I think a reappropriation of the universal call to holiness, which is deeply, profoundly significant, it’s the one that matters in a sense, and we’re all called to that,” he said.
The big lie: You are incomplete until you’ve made vows
Coito noted that one of the worst patterns of thinking that a Catholic can fall into when thinking about vocation is to believe that they are somehow less-than or incomplete until they are married, or are a priest or in a religious order.
When he taught high school religion, Coito said he would ask his students to recall the famous line from Jerry Macquire, when he tells his love interest (played by Renee Zellweger): “You complete me.”
“I would always tell them that from a Catholic perspective, that’s ridiculous. It wasn’t as though before marriage you were incomplete, or that a priest before his ordination is incomplete. God already made us whole and entire,” he said.
“We’ve been given everything as human beings that God intends us to have, so to begin to think of ourselves as somehow unfinished…we can joyfully be living out our vocation already right now.”
Part of this mentality has seeped in from the culture, he said, which tends to romanticize love and to view marriage as another achievement or milestone in life, rather than as a sacrament.
“I think it’s important to address the mentality that if I’m not married or in a community or ordained that I’m this sort of ‘Catholic arrested development’ or ‘suspended animation,’” he said.
The belief that marriage or religious life will also magically make us completely fulfilled is also a mentality that can set people up for disappointment, he noted.
“It ends up being a Disney sort of (mentality) of happily ever after, but it’s much more Paschal mystery than happily ever after,” he said.
Finding fulfillment: It’s about self-gift
The reasons that there are more single people in the Church now than in other times in recent history are many and varied – an emphasis on education, a culture that values individualism, higher rates of divorce and economic factors are just some of the many reasons there are more singles in the pews.
But this doesn’t mean that human nature has changed – we are still made for love, self-gift and service, Fr. Ben Hasse said.
“Trying to schedule events in our lives that will make us happy at some point that doesn’t really work,” he said. “Happiness is richest and fullest kind of as a by-product of gifts of love and of service.”
“There’s almost a way where you can attend to the basic dynamics of seeking to live a life of holiness, and that’s the actually the path that’s going to leave you more and more disposed to receive his call,” he said.
In particular, acts of service can be a key way to find fulfillment regardless of one’s state in life, he said.
“Look for opportunities to give of yourself,” he said. “It’s also a good way to meet other people who have a similar disposition…doing that has very real potential to fill one’s heart, and leaves you more and more receptive to (God’s) call.”
Soley utilizing acts of service as a way to find a spouse would be unhealthy, Fr. Hasse added, but serving alongside like-minded people, and finding others who share your values is a good way to find authentic community, in whatever form that may take.
What the Church has to say about single people
Pope John Paul II, who wanted to be known as ‘the Pope of the family’, wrote in his familial document “Familiaris Consortio” that those without a family must be able to find their family within the Church. In fact, the entire final section of this document is dedicated to single people.
This is a subject with which John Paul II would have been intimately familiar – by the age of 20, all of his immediate family on earth had passed away, and he surrounded himself with good friends that essentially became his family.
In the document,he wrote: “For those who have no natural family the doors of the great family which is the Church-the Church which finds concrete expression in the diocesan and the parish family, in ecclesial basic communities and in movements of the apostolate-must be opened even wider. No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labor and are heavy laden.’”
The Catechism of the Catholic also recognizes “the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live – often not of their choosing – are especially close to Jesus’ heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors.” (CCC 1658).
Practical advice from single Catholics
Still, it can sometimes be difficult for single people to know where they fit in the Church. Parishes are often structured around family life, which can make it challenging for single people to find community.
Judy Keane is a 40-something single Catholic and author of “Single and Catholic,” a book in which she interviewed numerous single Catholics of a wide variety of ages, circumstances and backgrounds about their experiences in the Church.
“Mother Teresa once said that the greatest poverty is loneliness, and feeling discounted by society,” Keane said.
“So I would say (to married people in the parish): approach single people, connect with them, take that initiative to introduce yourself, not make them feel like because they don’t have a spouse and children in the pew with them that they’re no less a member of the parish community,” she said.
MaryBeth Bonacci is a Catholic author and speaker who has often written on the topic of being a single Catholic. She said she loves it when people in her parish help her feel included in their families and lives.
“Some people would say ‘Oh well she wouldn’t want to go to a 1-year-old’s birthday party.’ Yeah I would!” she said. “We don’t have our exciting singles lives that you think we have, I’m at home eating cottage cheese and watching Simpsons reruns, it’s not that exciting.”
Bonacci said she’s also had a friend at her parish who told her she was invited to her family’s dinner any time. And she didn’t wait to make good on the invitation – she followed up with Bonacci every day.
“She would call me every day at 3:00 and say, am I setting a place for you? And I didn’t go every night…but she actually called every day, and said if you want to come, we’ll set a place for you, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that.”
She added that she appreciates when parishes make an effort to create a cohesive community, rather than always segregating people into groups according to their states in life.
Both Bonacci and Keane said that they especially have noticed that there are many single elderly Catholics who are alone, whether they’ve never been married or have since lost their spouse.
“If you’re having a family Sunday dinner, why not try to befriend an elderly single person who may have lost their spouse and say we’re having our family dinner, would you like to join us?” Keane said.
It’s also important to remember that God acts in unexpected says, and oftentimes frustration with one’s state in life stems from a place of thinking about vocation or God’s will too rigidly, Fr. Hasse noted.
“If I’m talking to someone who says well most of my friends seem to have found their vocation and I haven’t, what do I do? I usually say man, the saints are people that God caught in all kinds of unexpected situations and places,” Fr. Hasse said.
“So there’s lots of precedent for thinking God has passed me by or hasn’t answered my prayers” but then he shows up in unexpected ways, he said.
[…]
This is a man whose office is to defend and uphold the perennial teachings of the Catholic faith? I am ashamed for my Church.
“I certainly would not write [that] now,”
Well, we’re certainly relieved about that. 🙄
Víctor Manuel Fernández and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar … Seriously, there is nothing funny about this story. How can this man remain in such an important role? Perhaps someone can find a compromising photo of him celebrating a Latin Mass.
Maybe Rupnik took his cues from this “literature”?
Possibly. Rupnik and Tucho both embrace a “porno-mysticism” like that of the Dominican brothers Thomas and Marie-Dominique Philippe and their disciples like Jean Vanier. So too McCarrick, Zanchetta, and countless other predators associated with this pontificate.
Amoralist Laetitia is based on this evil philosophy, that sin can sometimes be God’s will, supporting all manner of pastoral heresies – like tolerating concubinage or “blessing” couples in an irregular relationship, etc. The reality of this pontificate is coming into focus.
“Hypocrisy is not protected under the mantle of religion.”
Bernanos, The Impostor 💋
http://www.dailycatholic.org/cumexapo.htm
One is left to wonder how, why, such a ruling from the Holy See is not appealed to in the present situation. Thank you for citing it.
Another appointee of the Pontiff Francis revealed as being psycho-sexually obsessed, joining the line-up of McCarrick, Grassi, Zanchetta, Hollerich, etc, etc, etc.
These are what Jesus called the “false shepherds.” Thieves…stealing from Christ himself.
At this point it has become terribly sad. Of all the theologians in the world, this is the man Francis wanted at his side, authoring his documents. It will be interesting watching how they try to wiggle through this. But it probably necessarily lays bare and ties together some other actions and aspects of the current Church, Rupnik, after all, can be seen as only putting into action some of this, and, of course, sodomy must not be so bad after all in this light, only men seeking ecstasy. That this book comes to light before us now perhaps is an act not just permitted but willed by heaven. It exposes the roots of thought that must have become widespread over the past century, influencing among other things the widespread homosexuality in the clergy, and the minimizing of the importance of sexual sin in general. At root perhaps is confusing the analogy of spiritual ecstasy experienced by Teresa and others with the most fleshly of bodily experience. What is true by analogy is false and misleading by equivalence. One would think such smart people would know that.
They are not smart. They are cunning and clever and arrogant, but not intellectually gifted. They care nothing for the splendor of truth, which seizes and enlightens the intellects of those who recognize it.
We read: “He also defended that book [!], saying at the time that it was ‘a pastor’s catechesis for teens’ and “not a theology book.”
A very curious remark, even clericalist….Meaning, perhaps, that “at the time” he exempted himself from the requirement (protecting the Church) that he secure an imprimatur and imprimi potest? Or, perhaps, that things “pastoral” are beyond good and evil and are exempt from any higher permission? Or, both? No longer a problem since Fernandez, as Prefect of the DDC, now is in a position to unilaterally invent new clericalist categories and issue permission to himself, both!
As in mythical times—“full blown from the head of Zeus! Fiducia Supplicans! The new Christmas Story! No longer for “teens” only (say what?), but now anybody two-by-two as were welcomed in Noah’s Ark! Very biblical!
Confusion and scandal? What confusion and scandal? Not longer Vincent of Lenins and Cardinal John Henry Newman (“The Development of Christian Doctrine”), butt Alfred E. Newman: “What, me worry?”
A pastoral book for teens BUT NOT a theology book! To do something like that is a equal to grooming vulnerable kids and for many that goes with jail time for a long time! So are we looking at uncle ted 2? What next? Heal me with your mouth 3: prison diaries? These last twelve years I’m sick to death of the whole lot of these south American cowboys!!! Come back JPII and Benedict All is forgiven!
Has the debate over whether a council can remove a pope been settled?
What would stop a future pontificate from declaring this one annulled?
To Harry,
A Council is not superior to the papacy and cannot remove a pope. However, if a pope actually preaches heresy, then (we read) he automatically ceases to be pope. https://onepeterfive.com/cardinal-burke-a-pope-who-professes-formal-heresy-would-cease-to-be-pope/
Which explains why moral novelties are only insinuated,implied or enabled, and this by functionaries other than the pope himself. And, floated as pastoral exemptions from the universal moral law, rather than as direct contradictions (thusly, the moral law remains intact on paper and is even reaffirmed, while practice is quarantined to go off on its own).
We end up with parallel universes rather than formal heresy. This is the strategy…the non-penitent makes “decisions” within some allegedly validating context or another (now a finely-drawn “blessing”?), rather than moral “judgments.” And this is why Veritatis Splendor is treated with evasive silence rather than attacked.
St. John Paul II saw all of this coming when he wrote explicitly into the Magisterium, such as this:
“A separation, or even an opposition [!], is thus established in some cases between the teaching of the precept, which is valid and general, and the norm of the individual conscience, which would in fact make the final DECISION [no longer a ‘moral JUDGMENT’!] about what is good and what is evil. On this basis, an attempt is made to legitimize so-called ‘pastoral’ solutions [!] contrary to the teaching of the Magisterium, and to justify a ‘creative’ hermeneutic according to which the moral conscience is in no way obliged, in every case, by a particular negative precept [‘Thou shalt not….’]” (Veritatis Splendor, n. 56, caps added).
The citation above from N.D. is not to be ignored.
Life choices have consequences. Time for some thoughtless ecclesiastics to adopt the notion of personal responsibility and absent themselves.
Card Fernández’s book includes a lengthy description of [a 16 yearold girl] kissing and caressing his [Christ’s] body from head to toe as the Blessed Mother stands by and approvingly allows the encounter to take place. This is homoeroticism, virtually identical with the nouveau theology of Fr Rupnik, suggesting a similar role of himself, Rupnik, as Christ within a trinity of fornicators himself and two consecrated sisters he seduced.
San Egidio, a spiritual community calling itself the Rainbow Community has had Card Matteo Zuppi, head of the Italian Episcopal Conference, an LGBT advocate as a prominent member. The community draws youth worldwide engaging in charity for the poor nevertheless presenting a homosexual friendly spirituality. Apparently the intention is to intertwine legitimate spiritual effort with homosexuality. A theology that would find Rupnik’s behavior admissible and explain Pope Francis’ primary focus on the poor. Homosexualization of the Church, as the trajectory of appointments and causes seem is in contradistinction to Christ.
Fr. Peter,
You wrote:
“Card Fernández’s book includes a lengthy description of [a 16 yearold girl] kissing and caressing his [Christ’s] body from head to toe as the Blessed Mother stands by and approvingly allows the encounter to take place,”
Of all the qualified prelates on the planet to choose from to head up the CDF (now DDF), how do you suppose Bergoglio ends up picking someone who has published blasphemous pornography?
Just wondering if you had any thoughts on that.
Thanks
Unfortunately Harry because His Holiness is of like mind. Pope Francis possesses suggestive art, one a naked Christ carrying a naked Judas over his shoulder. A homoerotic caricature that reveals his predilections. Apparently a gift from Archbishop Paglia himself known for homoerotic frescoes who Francis appointed as President of the Pontifical Academy for Life and Grand Chancellor of the John Paul II Pontifical Theological Institute for Marriage and Family. Francis is by all indication attempting to homosexualize the Church.
Harry. Francis’ artifact of a naked Christ carrying a naked Judas over his shoulder as indicated is albeit homoerotic, although it suggests further regarding sin. Judas the betrayer is envisioned as forgiven, a lost sheep who was found. Intellectual homosexuality has at its basis a diminution of all sin in response to their own sinful behavior, that Our Lord is inclined to forgive them. Both figures naked to inculcate homosexual forgiveness in Christ’s saving act.
Thank you for your frank reply. I agree.
So how are we to know in 10 years Tucho won’t say of “Fiducia” “I certainly wouldn’t write that now.” There is a saying — litera scripta manet (the written word remains) — which might be appreciated by the current Curia if it were not on a warpath with Latin. And if we are not to judge THIS work by Tucho or THAT work by Tucho, the question becomes: other than sycophancy, what qualifies him to be DDF Prefect?
Yes, John. The way that Tucho and fellow travelers act and promote their modernistic/liberal ideas, I suspect that if he wrote the book today, he wouldn’t change very much, if anything. Instead, he would loudly, proudly, and repeatedly proclaim that what he has written does not mean what it appears to mean to all those who find fault with it, and that the book is in fact a work of profound spirituality. He would also employ a cadre of pretentious lickspittles to defend his work while accusing all critics of bad faith and/or a lack of understanding needed to appreciate the depth of his statements that provide “deeper and wider orthodoxy” than ever before.
Tucho and his apologists don’t just put lipstick on a pig. They add more make-up to it, dress it up with human clothing, and proclaim it to be the next stage in human evolution.
“That’s why I don’t think it’s a good thing to spread it now,” Fernández said. “In fact, I have not authorized it and it is contrary to my will.”
So the issue isn’t that he wrote a raunchy book, it’s that someone found it after he tried to hide it. Got it.
Can anyone imagine any of his predecessors acting this way?
That he would not write it now is because he was found out!!!!!! Priests are lacizied for lesser things, he has to go!!! The lib theological rubbish has shown it’s bad fruit and it’s hateful to the soul!
Jeff Mirus, Catholic Culture, Jan. 9
‘ I certianly would not write that now ‘ – thus, bringing joy to heaven of a repentant heart, helping others too to recognize the rightful boundaries between carnality and spiritual realms, esp. if there has been some confusion in same, in efforts to be over enthuastic, even about some of TOB teachings to an extent…
The Cardnl too might have fallen into similar error at the time, thus in compassion wanted to bring ‘ comfort’ to those he might have thought were feeling deprived and now recognising his error to also have come up with better choices ; not familiar with his writings , thus unsure as to what same might be , yet hope that it would be in line with The Passion meditations,such as of offering up of the Holy Face merits on behalf of all, including generations , to help free persons from carnal spirits , to be led to the joy of the holy marriage and the Immaculate conception of parents of bl.Mother …
Those who brought attention to the book now, even if had intended something similar to the act of Canan ? stealing the mystical animal skin garment , mocking the nakedness of Noah … may same bring attention to some similar areas even in The Church as a whole – such as the scene of creation of Adam at the Vatican ; hope those words – ‘ I would not have done that now ‘, be applicable to same too , since Adam was clothed in Light , was not ‘naked ‘ or any images of such nakedness of The Lord anywhere, including in Nativity scene – as though His parents were uncaring enough to leave Him without even a blanket ; good light technology could help in such situations ..
The Holy Face merits to be offered up for many many ..
May this be an occasion for same including for those persons who need same, to live in holy relationships !
Does anyone still doubt we have a very serious homosexual problem among highly ranked people of Francis’s pontificate?
Time to have this man’s head examined
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (John 10:10)
Fernandez and Bergoglio are working for the thief.
By Canon Law, if The Ministerial Office Of The Papacy is vacant, you must Call a Council to elect a Pope.
A Cardinal who professes formal heresy ceases to be a Cardinal, having ipso facto separated himself from The One Body Of Christ.
http://www.dailycatholic.org/cumexapo.htm
“Canon 188 §4 states that among the actions which automatically (ipso facto) cause any cleric to lose his office, even without any declaration on the part of a superior, is that of “defect[ing] publicly from the Catholic faith”.
McCarrick, Rupnik, Zanchetta, Fernandez – Why do characters like this keep cropping up at the Vatican, and protected by the Pope? What is going on in the Vatican? Have we no bishops or cardinals who will ask this question?
Cardinal Sarah Finally Speaks Out – Mark Lambert, Catholic Herald, Jan. 9.
I read someone say that Fernandez “shares a certain opennes to different ways of seeing things” and that is a total and most direct recipe for a bigger disaster in the Church than we already have. We don’t see in “new ways”, we seek to see through Jesus-God’s eyes of Truth ONLY, which is what True Saints did for 2,000 years and do now. The True Catholicism of the True Jesus is never sentimental or emotional as that kills true love and opens wide doors to “mystical” evil. It is precisely that “certain openness to seeing things in different ways” that the German Bishops have and are pushing ever harder for and that is brazenly and totally Anti-Catholic.
Francis will continue his “openness” to below-the-belt-sins approach. You only use over-delicate, over-mothering approaches of “openness” in order to “correct” only when you want that something you “correct” to grow and totally take over. I believe that Francis and Fernandez orchestrated the finding and release of this latest horrible book for its shock-and-discouragement-just-surrender-to-it value. We must be “closed” inside Jesus Sacred Heart of Truth and never “open” to evil. Always remember, Heaven does have walls, it is not “open” (Apocalypse/Revelation 21:12).
Alfred Hitchcock’s 1953 film “I, Confess” was banned in Ireland – but not the United States – because it had a priest who presumably had committed mortal sins against the Sixth Commandment with a woman BEFORE becoming a priest.
Judging by at least one of his very famous films, to my knowledge Alfred Hitchcock was not a good person.
I haven’t been impressed with the rigor of the rating by the Legion of Decency. It – treacherously? – appears to have let through stealth immorality. Any film which accepted divorce should have gotten a C and not a B. For that matter, the dress allowed was immodest.
It’s been many years since I watched “I, Confess,” but I’m fairly certain that Logan never had any relations with Ruth. For what it’s worth.
I don’t remember that being a part of the plot either.
What a great film that was. It’s my very favorite Hitchcock movie.
Did not Judas betray Jesus…with a kiss…
one duly but sorrowfully noted by Jesus Christ.
I can barely read headlines about these scandalous writings, let alone their context, regardless of their aging.
Hopefully, everyone can now refocus to St. Pope John Paul II’s wonderful writings on the theology of the body.