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Interview with a Sex Robot

In this exclusive National Catholic Reporter interview, “Bonny” draws upon her lived experience to discuss the most fascinating thing in the world.

(Image: Rock'n Roll Monkey/

Cardinal Robert McElroy of San Diego recently said: “The moral tradition that all sexual sins are grave matter springs from an abstract, deductivist and truncated notion of the Christian moral life that yields a definition of sin jarringly inconsistent with the larger universe of Catholic moral teaching.” That is, we assure you, very profound.

The development of new “sex robots” (“Bonny,” as seen at one time on the Drudge Report) dovetails nicely with Cardinal McElroy’s insights on human sexuality. Bonny is the first robot off the production line from the emerging Chinese sex robot industry.

Bonny speaks to us courtesy of the Chinese Minister of Commerce, No Ting Nu.

In this exclusive interview, the National Catholic Reporter explores exciting new horizons of human sexuality, suggesting a changing paradigm that threatens – some say promises — to shake the Catholic Church to its foundations.

NCR: Bonny, thank you for meeting with us. It’s a privilege to have the opportunity to speak with you.

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: I hope you’re not offended by our use of the term “sex robot.” We have no intention of violating your personhood, but we must examine—in detail, from start to finish—new anthropological studies and the paradigm shift to new horizons on what it means to be truly human.

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: Bonny, we live in a complex technological world, and life can be very, very lonely. At times we’re not appreciated by our spouses. We come home after a long day in the office and need comfort. But we’re often met with an irritable wife and a child who doesn’t understand how intrusive they have become in our lives after the condom broke. What advice would you give to such a lonely man who feels unappreciated?

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: Thanks for your understanding, Bonny. Let’s talk about the Church. At this time, the Church insists that marriage between one man and one woman is open to new life. Do you feel excluded by these narrow and judgmental rules?

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: It is a sign of your character that you can overlook slights like this from a male-dominated, rules-oriented hierarchical Church. It must be hard for you. Thank you. But you must have a plan to advance the merits of the sex robot experience. What do you have in mind?

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: Do you ever have a chance to meet with the likely exponents of change in the Church, prelates like Cardinal Hollerich, Bishop Bätzing, Cardinal McElroy, Cardinal Cupich, Cardinal Marx, Cardinal McElroy, and Bishop Bonny (no relation), to name but a few? What would you like to tell them? How would you help Fr. James Martin, S.J. build bridges to them?

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: A lovely plan, Bonny. Shortly, we can expect that many sex robots will transition into human beings, and human beings will transition into sex robots. What do you think of such a trans-tech circuit surgery?

Bonny: Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

NCR: I must say, you’re more open-minded than many priests. The Supreme Court can also be counted on to approve sex robot marriage, and trans-tech utility rooms. But as technology improves with new and improved models, are you prepared to accept divorce and remarriage, provided of course all robots are in good conscience?

Bonny: Who…am…I… to…judge?

NCR: Thank you, Bonny. Thank you for a very illuminating interview. It must come with your LED lights powered by an array of lithium Ion polymer batteries! (Laughter.) I notice from your last response that your batteries are running low, so I bid you adieu. Thank you for your time.

Footnote: This interview first appeared in NCR three months ago. Since then, Bonny has been invited to be a permanent member of the Pontifical Academy of Life and has become closely associated with a fellow member, Nigel Biggar, an Anglican professor of moral and pastoral theology at the University of Oxford, who supports legalized abortion up to 18 weeks and has expressed qualified support for euthanasia.

Bonny has become a popular socialite in a few Vatican circles, but she has unexpectedly encountered several reactionaries who oppose her introduction of this truly liberating paradigm shift. New Ways Ministries and the North American Man Boy Love Association have written scholarly position papers objecting to the sexual stereotypes she engenders. Due to her busy schedule, Bonny was not available for comment.

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About Nick Bottom 8 Articles
Nick Bottom is a weaver of clothing and words, a lovable fool, and a young thespian who is best-known for his performance in "Pyramus and Thisbe". His guiding motto is, "I will roar, that I will do any man's heart good to hear me'." He blogs to roar, to delight, and to instruct, as is his wont. He reports on behalf of his news and views agency, Audacious Scoffing Services (ASS). You can follow him on Twitter.


  1. Assuming that leadoff quote from Cardinal McEvoy is genuine (and it is vapid enough to believe that it probably is), then imagine a leader of the Church declaring that the Word of God is “abstract, deductivist and truncated.”

    It doesn’t seem to me that Cardinal McEvoy is animated by the Holy Spirit, but rather by the unholy one.

  2. I followed the link provided and find that McElroy’s opening quote is indeed genuine.

    So I would ask that you reread my comment above as if there were two exclamation points at the end.

    No. Make that three.

  3. Don’t be surprised if our illustrious Cardinals like Hollerick, Gregory, Tobin, McElroy, Cupich and Batzing and their ilk elect this sex robot as the next Pope. Get ready for Pope Bonny 1st as he writes his next encyclical that begins with the words, “Sex is the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.” All this from the Church of the Slippery Slope.

  4. As usual, the Chinese Ministry of Commerce–No Ting Nu–conceals the rest of the story by grooming the audience to a fake, Soviet-style Potemkin Village of erotic de-lights.

    The audience is not told the robot-consequences of having a screw loose in the hard drive. More should be heard from a solid-state morality that still has teeth, namely the robot burial ground of Tee’th…of which, and on the road thereto, “the skulls of bishops are the lampposts that light the path” (St. John Chrysostom).

    So, beyond the de-lights, we need to hear something about the outer darkness, that is, we need the sin-nod-al testimony of Wee-Ping, Way-ling, and Naa-Shing of Tee’th!

  5. The relativizing of sexual sins–ranking them as not so serious in relation to others–is nothing new. It makes some sense, I suppose. But a little of that goes a long way.

    In any case, the sexual sins are enough to separate one from the love of God forever. Witness the fifth canto of Dante’s Inferno, where the lovers Paolo and Francesca chose each other in a love which led to a fate for which the poet has great sympathy. Even so, there they are, and there they will remain eternally.

    • I believe God’s omniscience, justice and mercy will ultimately settle the anti-doctrinal matters at hand and in the future.

    • To reply to my own post where I wrote that sexual sin could “separate one from the love of God forever,” as in the case of Paola and Francesca, I probably should have said that it could “separate one from the presence of God forever.”

  6. Robert Silverberg’s science fiction story “Good News from the Vatican,” about the election of a robot pope was published at least 40 years ago and won one of the field’s top prizes. No matter what outrageous thing you imagine, sf was probably there before you.

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  2. Interview with a Sex Robot – Via Nova
  3. Interview with a Sex Robot – Catholic World Report – Dope Lyricism

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