Denver, Colo., Jul 20, 2017 / 03:02 am (CNA/EWTN News).- From a young age, Catholics are taught to pray about and discern their vocations – whether they’re called to marriage, to the religious life, to the priesthood, or consecrated single life.
This can leave the lay single person feeling that they are in a vocational limbo of sorts, and it’s become a topic of much heated and emotional debate in the Catholic blogosphere: have these people missed their vocation? Is the lay single state, chosen or by default, a vocation?
But actually, at the end of the day – does it matter?
Fr. Ben Hasse is a vocations director for the Diocese of Marquette, Wisc. He said addressing the topic of singleness in the Church can be difficult because of the emotions surrounding the issue.
“I have quite a few friends who would like to be married, so there’s a much more emotional investment in the question because there’s more people who find themselves single” rather than having specifically chosen it, he said.
Recognizing the emotional weight of the topic, Fr. Hasse noted that there are many aspects to addressing the question of vocation and singleness that need to be taken into account, and that it can be difficult – and dangerous – to make generalizations about a population in the Church that is actually very diverse.
Being specific about singleness
Fr. Hasse said that he has found it’s helpful as a pastor to approach singleness very specifically – whether it’s a college student who hopes to marry someday, or a widower who lost her husband last month, being single encompasses a wide variety of people and circumstances.
“Everybody will be single for at least part of their life. Nobody is born as a priest or married to someone or a consecrated religious, so everyone will pass through being single,” he said.
“It’s important to distinguish between people who are single because that’s kind of where you’re at when you’re 16, versus someone who has really felt God calling them to give their life in service to the Church as a single person,” or various other circumstances.
For example, a single 19-year-old college student is probably not necessarily living a vocation of singleness in any settled way, Fr. Hasse said, but a person in their 40s who finds joy in serving Christ in their everyday circumstances of work and life “is not someone I would say lacks a vocation.”
“It would be different from the way we usually use the word because it wouldn’t be defined, and made concrete by vows or promises,” he said.
“But the single accountant or school teacher could certainly live their life and see the work of their hands as something they’re offering to God, and live that in a very spiritually fruitful way, and I wouldn’t say – now here’s a person without a vocation.”
Your vocation is given at baptism
Jason Coito, Coordinator of Young Adult Ministry for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, told CNA that most of the debates surrounding singleness and vocation rely “on a very narrow definition of vocation, or confuses the term with what we refer to as ‘states in life,’” he said.
He said when we become fixated on discerning our state in life, referred to in the Church as the primary vocation, “…we become so focused on the ranking of them, rather than looking at each day or the bigger picture and saying, here are all of these components of my life, now how am I called to live the promise of my baptism and of my life, and how do these things work together?”
It can be helpful instead to refocus these debates and conversations on the universal vocation to holiness that each Christian receives at their baptism, Coito said.
“I think this helpfully reframes the conversation and then asks us, ‘How is God calling me to make a response to Him and to my brothers and sisters from within the state in life in which I find myself?’”
This respects every vocation, because it’s a question anyone can answer on any given day in their life, regardless of their state in life, he said.
“You do have a vocation. All baptized Catholics are called to live their lives as disciples of Jesus. This is the foundational call of our lives as Catholics,” he said.
“If you feel deeply called to get married, and you have prayerfully discerned and confirmed this call, then until you meet the person you feel called to get married to, you continue to live out your baptismal call, open to the people and circumstances that God puts in front of you each day. For those who are married, we do pretty much the same thing, except that we do this out of the sacramental relationship we have with our spouse,” he said.
In Lumen Gentium, one of the principal documents of the Second Vatican Council, Pope Paul VI wrote about the universal call to holiness each Christian has:
“Thus it is evident to everyone, that all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity; by this holiness as such a more human manner of living is promoted in this earthly society. In order that the faithful may reach this perfection, they must use their strength accordingly as they have received it, as a gift from Christ. They must follow in His footsteps and conform themselves to His image seeking the will of the Father in all things. They must devote themselves with all their being to the glory of God and the service of their neighbor. In this way, the holiness of the People of God will grow into an abundant harvest of good, as is admirably shown by the life of so many saints in Church history.”
Fr. Hasse reiterated the importance of the baptismal call to holiness, and said that this call is not something to “settle for,” but rather should be the primary focus of our lives as Christians.
“The call to holiness is not some second-string operation,” he said.
“It’s not like – wow I really wish I had something important to work towards, but since I don’t, sanctity will have to tide me over until the beatific vision.”
“So I think a reappropriation of the universal call to holiness, which is deeply, profoundly significant, it’s the one that matters in a sense, and we’re all called to that,” he said.
The big lie: You are incomplete until you’ve made vows
Coito noted that one of the worst patterns of thinking that a Catholic can fall into when thinking about vocation is to believe that they are somehow less-than or incomplete until they are married, or are a priest or in a religious order.
When he taught high school religion, Coito said he would ask his students to recall the famous line from Jerry Macquire, when he tells his love interest (played by Renee Zellweger): “You complete me.”
“I would always tell them that from a Catholic perspective, that’s ridiculous. It wasn’t as though before marriage you were incomplete, or that a priest before his ordination is incomplete. God already made us whole and entire,” he said.
“We’ve been given everything as human beings that God intends us to have, so to begin to think of ourselves as somehow unfinished…we can joyfully be living out our vocation already right now.”
Part of this mentality has seeped in from the culture, he said, which tends to romanticize love and to view marriage as another achievement or milestone in life, rather than as a sacrament.
“I think it’s important to address the mentality that if I’m not married or in a community or ordained that I’m this sort of ‘Catholic arrested development’ or ‘suspended animation,’” he said.
The belief that marriage or religious life will also magically make us completely fulfilled is also a mentality that can set people up for disappointment, he noted.
“It ends up being a Disney sort of (mentality) of happily ever after, but it’s much more Paschal mystery than happily ever after,” he said.
Finding fulfillment: It’s about self-gift
The reasons that there are more single people in the Church now than in other times in recent history are many and varied – an emphasis on education, a culture that values individualism, higher rates of divorce and economic factors are just some of the many reasons there are more singles in the pews.
But this doesn’t mean that human nature has changed – we are still made for love, self-gift and service, Fr. Ben Hasse said.
“Trying to schedule events in our lives that will make us happy at some point that doesn’t really work,” he said. “Happiness is richest and fullest kind of as a by-product of gifts of love and of service.”
“There’s almost a way where you can attend to the basic dynamics of seeking to live a life of holiness, and that’s the actually the path that’s going to leave you more and more disposed to receive his call,” he said.
In particular, acts of service can be a key way to find fulfillment regardless of one’s state in life, he said.
“Look for opportunities to give of yourself,” he said. “It’s also a good way to meet other people who have a similar disposition…doing that has very real potential to fill one’s heart, and leaves you more and more receptive to (God’s) call.”
Soley utilizing acts of service as a way to find a spouse would be unhealthy, Fr. Hasse added, but serving alongside like-minded people, and finding others who share your values is a good way to find authentic community, in whatever form that may take.
What the Church has to say about single people
Pope John Paul II, who wanted to be known as ‘the Pope of the family’, wrote in his familial document “Familiaris Consortio” that those without a family must be able to find their family within the Church. In fact, the entire final section of this document is dedicated to single people.
This is a subject with which John Paul II would have been intimately familiar – by the age of 20, all of his immediate family on earth had passed away, and he surrounded himself with good friends that essentially became his family.
In the document,he wrote: “For those who have no natural family the doors of the great family which is the Church-the Church which finds concrete expression in the diocesan and the parish family, in ecclesial basic communities and in movements of the apostolate-must be opened even wider. No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labor and are heavy laden.’”
The Catechism of the Catholic also recognizes “the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live – often not of their choosing – are especially close to Jesus’ heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors.” (CCC 1658).
Practical advice from single Catholics
Still, it can sometimes be difficult for single people to know where they fit in the Church. Parishes are often structured around family life, which can make it challenging for single people to find community.
Judy Keane is a 40-something single Catholic and author of “Single and Catholic,” a book in which she interviewed numerous single Catholics of a wide variety of ages, circumstances and backgrounds about their experiences in the Church.
“Mother Teresa once said that the greatest poverty is loneliness, and feeling discounted by society,” Keane said.
“So I would say (to married people in the parish): approach single people, connect with them, take that initiative to introduce yourself, not make them feel like because they don’t have a spouse and children in the pew with them that they’re no less a member of the parish community,” she said.
MaryBeth Bonacci is a Catholic author and speaker who has often written on the topic of being a single Catholic. She said she loves it when people in her parish help her feel included in their families and lives.
“Some people would say ‘Oh well she wouldn’t want to go to a 1-year-old’s birthday party.’ Yeah I would!” she said. “We don’t have our exciting singles lives that you think we have, I’m at home eating cottage cheese and watching Simpsons reruns, it’s not that exciting.”
Bonacci said she’s also had a friend at her parish who told her she was invited to her family’s dinner any time. And she didn’t wait to make good on the invitation – she followed up with Bonacci every day.
“She would call me every day at 3:00 and say, am I setting a place for you? And I didn’t go every night…but she actually called every day, and said if you want to come, we’ll set a place for you, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that.”
She added that she appreciates when parishes make an effort to create a cohesive community, rather than always segregating people into groups according to their states in life.
Both Bonacci and Keane said that they especially have noticed that there are many single elderly Catholics who are alone, whether they’ve never been married or have since lost their spouse.
“If you’re having a family Sunday dinner, why not try to befriend an elderly single person who may have lost their spouse and say we’re having our family dinner, would you like to join us?” Keane said.
It’s also important to remember that God acts in unexpected says, and oftentimes frustration with one’s state in life stems from a place of thinking about vocation or God’s will too rigidly, Fr. Hasse noted.
“If I’m talking to someone who says well most of my friends seem to have found their vocation and I haven’t, what do I do? I usually say man, the saints are people that God caught in all kinds of unexpected situations and places,” Fr. Hasse said.
“So there’s lots of precedent for thinking God has passed me by or hasn’t answered my prayers” but then he shows up in unexpected ways, he said.
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Of course, the TLM could be restricted out of existence. Administratively and bureaucratically. Traditional Latin Masses are places of great reverence and protection, through which young parents hope to protect their children from being influenced by the unhealthy aspects of the secular culture. One can say that children do not benefit from the Latin language in the TLM. Surely they may not understand Latin. However, they do not much listen to the vernacular either. They may sense a noetic presence more clearly in the solemnity of the traditional latin mass from which they may be better able to choose wisely out in worldy affairs. By writing this, I do not wish to disdain those who try their best in the Novus Ordo. Freedom to choose you know. The Catholic tent for welcoming is great.
So, parish Churches are not places for those who wish to attend the TLM? Where then? Dining halls? Homes? Outdoors? School cafeterias? Surely, the Church has some ideas? Pray tell! Nevertheless, the Guardians of the Tradition would not desire to be too exclusive in this matter. All are welcome.
There’s a good item in a recent Gregorius Magnus about the children respond to the TLM.
I would humbly suggest that the Traditional Latin Mass be celebrated only in suitable church buildings that have the proper orientation, high altar, the choir loft in the BACK of the nave rather than up front, an organ rather than piano (preferably a pipe organ, but these are incredibly expensive–I am an organist, by the way), enclosed confessionals, etc. Many modern (1950s and later) church buildings do not have the high altar, the stained glass windows, the beautiful paintings and murals, the images of the saints, the Stations of the Cross, and of the Blessed Mother and of Jesus Christ, our Lord, or of the Trinity. Many modern church buildings are “clam-shells,” or “circles” without a center aisle. The tabernacles in many modern church buildings look more like shiny safes than a place for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament to be reposed reverently. The pulpits are thin little slabs of wood or even plexiglass. And the sound systems are “in-your-face”, with speakers hanging from the ceiling in a way that almost makes them look like a piece of modern art. Also, in many modern Catholic church buildings, the “foyer” is huge, sometimes as big as the nave, and is filled with booths promoting all the various programs in the church–I don’t see this as objectionable–I am definitely a “Novus Ordo” proponent and I love a foyer that has plenty of seating for older folks and young moms with babies, a coffee bar, and lots of room for tables where the laity can learn about and sign up for opportunities for study, service, and social activities in the parish! But I think that a small foyer is more “traditional” and helps people de-emphasize the “social” and concentrate on the actual Mass and on Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Also, it’s quieter, which is part of the tradition of the TLM. Many of these older church buildings are present in cities and small towns, and I think that they should be tapped for the TLM, as long as the people are still able to attend the OF Mass in their older church building if they prefer. In my former city (Rockford, IL), the ICK offers the TLM in a very old and historic church building in the downtown area of the city–the building is in need of various repairs and modernizations, but Praise God!–this ICK parish is growing by leaps and bounds–two Sunday morning Masses in the Extraordinary Form are now offered, and both are full! And during the week, daily Mass is offered and attended by around 60 people each day (some of these are homeless people trying to get off the street and into a climate-controlled place for an hour). A Chesterton School is loosely associated with the parish, and Latin is taught in this school from Pre-K through 12th grade. There is a wonderful fellowship hall and kitchen in the basement. The building has several historic features that are appealing to the city’s historians and other history enthusiasts. The parish includes quite a few wealthy people who have generously given to replace the aging roof, and one of these families told me that their next project is air conditioning, which will help preserve the wood and other structural features of the church as well as make today’s people more comfortable. There is plenty of parking, as the downtown area of Rockford is dead as a doornail on Sunday mornings! There is a crime problem downtown, but so far, I haven’t heard of any molestation of the parishioners or the priests. The priests live in a beautiful historic home right next to the church. Until ICK took over, this church was slated for the wrecking ball. I think that this is the best approach for the TLM and those who love it–making use of older churches that seem best-suited for the TLM and traditional Catholic “church life.”
It is not just the children who don’t understand the Mass in Latin. In the Mass on Sexagesima Sunday the Epistle was the Second Letter of Blessed Paul the Apostle (2 Cor, 11. 19-33; 12. 1-9)
It was a long reading and I noticed that for most of the congregation the priest’s words were inaudible. I doubt that many (or any?) of those who could hear the words were sufficiently fluent in Latin to be able to understand what was said.
While people become familiar with the Latin of the Liturgy of the Eucharist this is not the case with other aspects of the Mass such as the Epistles. This raises the question: what is the point of a priest reading a text that many can’t hear and of those that can, very few can understand its meaning? Some potential noetic benefit of an incomprehensible text seems impossible.
I have read in several articles that those who love the traditional Latin Mass will travel long distances to attend it. That sounds like they are not members of the parish where the Latin Mass is said. The Mass is the center and summit of Catholic life, but there is more to being a parish than the Mass. How do those who come from outside the parish for the Latin Mass strengthen the parish where it is said? Do they take part in any parish activities such as youth ministries, hospital ministry, catechesis, Bible studies? I honestly want to know because I have never seen this question addresses. I live in a very vibrant parish and I can’t see how people who live outside the parish can help build up a parish like mine.
My wife, my son (14) and my daughter (21) and myself all travel over 2 hours to attend the most local SSPX Chapel to our location. We attend the holy mass, then, because we are of life mind, spirit and comportment as those in the local area that attend also meet with the Parishioners for coffee and fellowship. Because we are “long-distance”, weekly we attend Adult Catechism live via streaming online. I can engage the Priest offering instruction and request clarification of any of the material. My daughter attends the young adult group as often as possible. They meet once a month and most of the time she is able to attend. This Spring we are traveling to St. Mary’s Kansas for the dedication of the New Immaculata. There, we will continue to meet Catholics for whom we share much more than the Mass – although, undoubtedly, the Mass is the source and summit of our commonality. It works because it is well worth the effort.
There are many parishes that have members who do not live within the parish boundaries. There are several in my diocese. The days are long gone when people walked to Mass at the parish on the next corner. In my diocese there are some parishes which have Mass said in a way that is so shallow and Protestantized that it’s unbearable in the way that it interferes with being recollected. My territorial parish is one of these so I belong to another parish which is a 12 minute drive away.
Thank you for your reply. I understand the territorial question. What I would like to know if how much do those who do not live within the parish limits contribute to the life of the parish? Do you take part in parish activities: helping the home-bound, youth ministry, Bible study? These are part of a vibrant parish!
Anne Marie, so you do see the problem of taking the Mass out of the parishes? Not only are you yourself are deprived of access to the Mass, those that are forced to travel a distance are deprived of participating in parish life. Furthermore, even if everyone in the pews at your parish’s TLM traveled from afar, your parish benefits: More than one pastor who hosts a TLM in his parish says that the TLM is the only thing standing between the doors remaining open and financial insolvency, the only ones energetic enough to take on projects in the parish. Now how foolish is this Cardinal Roche to cause the closure of more parishes and deprive the NO and TLM communities to benefit from each others time, talent, and treasure?
About 4,500 people attend the Traditional Catholic Latin Mass in St. Marys, Kansas on Sundays (5 Masses every Sunday). We have about 1,000 students in our schools. My family has been attending Mass here for about 42 years. We are building the largest Catholic Church in a 350 mile radius. It should be ready for use in early May. I toured the new Church last evening. Absolutely beautiful.
I read that Nigeria has the highest Mass attendance in the world, 85% of Catholics go to Mass at least once a week. But I just checked the Latin Mass Directory and there are only 2 Latin Mass venues in the country. Do all the Catholics go to those 2 venues? If not, how do they have such a night attendance at Mass if they go to the Novus Ordo Mass?
Correction: How do they have such a HIGH Mass attendance at Mass if they go to the Novus Ordo Mass? (I apologize: my typing is not accurate.)
I have not attended a Latin Mass since I was a child,so I have no dog in this fight, but I would be curious to attend a Latin Mass after all these years and see what it is like. I dont have a problem with the well done Novus Ordo Mass done in my parish, so no personal agenda there. However I have found the Pope’s attempt to stamp out and restrict the Latin Mass petty and unseemly in the extreme. I am sorry to see Bishop Barron, whose work I have up to now admired, go down this road. Removing the Latin Mass from a parish church serves what purpose? Exactly? If anything it creates more of a separation between the Latin mass folks and those who attend the parish mass. What purpose does that serve? If anything it creates a dangerous opportunity for more separation. As someone else asked, where will these Latin masses now take place? At a cafe, at a workout center gym? Certainly this would not be respectful of the Mass.And who will be expected to pay for this “non parish” space, in a era when one diocese after another is going bankrupt? Why even expend cash needlessly like this? Or is the Pope hoping to force these Latin Mass fans to pay for it themselves, and thereby lesson support for the Latin Mass?? Again, inviting a further breech? Because my guess will be once they feel even LESS a connection to the parish, why NOT go off on their own?? Since the Bishops and the pope groveled to the secular authorities who wanted the churches shut down during covid, its no secret a large number of Catholics have FAILED to return. I would think the Bishops would be thrilled that ANYONE is entering a Catholic church for Mass now at all. Whether that Mass be Novus Ordo or Latin. Someone needs to tell them that by making the Latin Mass especially unwelcome, the Bishops are shooting themselves in the foot. Surely the church is facing larger problems in society than this? Like the likely schism brewing in Germany that this same synod-minded Pope initiated? The sexual revolution and its aftermath? The sex abuse scandal? The secularization of the West and the US?
I don’t get it. All Muslim children learn enough Arabic to pray the Quran, Russian Orthodox learn
Old Slavonic for liturgies, High Anglicans use Old English, every Jewish kid learns Hebrew starting at Bar Mitzvah, and I’m sure Buddhist and Hindu kids know some of their sacred prayer languages (All Thai boys spend time living in monasteries learning the sacred texts and chants). So why is it so oppressive to learn the limited Latin vocabulary used at the TLM… especially when the translation is facing them on the opposite page!! Any Catholic who claims to darken the door frequently at mass should after a few years be able to recite everything with no problem simply by auditory osmosis. Stop feeding the furnace of secularization and teach your kids their spiritual patrimony.
It seems his intention for moving the mass might have been out of a desire to preserve the TLM for the younger, college Catholic. Moving the Holy TLM to a college Chapel I suspect is neutral enough a location to extend an invitation to even the SSPX to offer the mass. So, while he might HAVE to shut down the TLM for his diocese, by inviting the SSPX to offer it, he ensures its continued existence – at least until better times than these “modern” ones prevail. Hats off to Shia LaBeouf for giving no pretense about his preference for the Holy TLM as opposed to the Missae of Paul VI. It was amusing seeing Bishop Barron fidget in his seat when being confronted by this obvious impossibility.
The Francisan papacy’s perspective on the Latin Mass: Somewhere, at some time(s), some rigid Catholic people are deeply involved in worshipping in this form. And it must be squelched! Unity above all! They must worship only in the now approved way.
I don’t trust him.
One of the things that I remember from my Jesuit education is that there is form and essence. Here we are dealing with form and policy. So then, what is of essence? The answer involves the statement “The priests did not ask ‘Where is God’?” as noted by the prophet Jeremiah. The answer is that what is of essence is that we seek to know God. How is God known? God’s presence is revealed through signs. (Acts 2.22,43)
Not long ago I had written to the webmaster of the Douay-Rheims Online Bible — the excellent old Early Modern English Catholic Bible. A discussion ensued concerning the Shroud of Turin, and then some mention of my having grown up in St. Louis followed. He responded that he did, too. I mentioned that I grew up in Normandy, which is a suburb of St. Louis. He mentioned that so did he. I mentioned that I attended St. Ann’s grade school. Paul Mann did, too, and graduated the year before I did. ???
I mentioned having been given a tour of the Hunt Mansion, in Normandy, when I was a child. Paul responded that his family had lived in the Hunt Mansion for a time. ???
So then, these “coincidences,” or “synchronicities,” represent the revelation of the presence of the Spirit of the Living God. That is of essence. If the form brings us closer to the will of God, then that becomes relevant to attaining our goal.
Speaking of goals, thanks, Harrison, for kicking that game-winning field goal. I attended college, and was married in Kansas City.
We are TLM Catholics, drive a bit over 100 miles round trip to Mass on Sunday each week and have done so for over five years. Whenever out of town we attend a TLM elsewhere so have attended all over the country. Addressing a couple of misconceptions voiced here: (1) At every Mass, the priest says the epistle and gospel in English after he says it in Latin and before his sermon. There is no issue whatsoever with not understanding those readings. (2) It doesn’t take a genius to learn and understand the common prayers of the Mass in the language the Latin Rite Church has preserved for addressing our Lord. The Gloria, the Creed, the Sanctus, etc. You would be shocked to find how many and how young children who attend and are taught by their parents have proficiency in the Latin of the Mass. It takes some time and effort but more for the stuck-in-the-70’s adults than for the young who seem to be more willing to do something special for our Lord.