Denver, Colo., May 18, 2018 / 05:00 am (CNA/EWTN News).- It was a quiet Thanksgiving for Kerry.
She and her husband had just retired from the military, and they were home in Colorado Springs with Kerry’s mother-in-law, whom they were taking care of at the time. But the house, with two extra, empty bedrooms upstairs, felt just a little too quiet.
Kerry had no children of her own, but it was around that time that she felt God calling her to foster parenting.
“I just saw this article in the paper for a foster agency and it really spoke to me and I said ‘Ok God this is what you want me to do? Because I’m a little bit old for this.’ But…I felt I was just really made to do this and God said, you can do this!”
It’s something that many Catholic foster parents have in common – the feeling that God called them to open their homes and hearts to foster parenting.
Kerry and her husband began fostering through a local Christian agency called Hope and Home, and after meeting the licensing requirements, embarked on a six-year foster care journey, in which they fostered a total of 10 kids, adopted two, and provided respite care for several other “kiddos,” as Kerry affectionately calls them.
“Foster care is a learning experience, and is probably the hardest yet most rewarding thing I’ve ever done,” Kerry told CNA.
For foster care awareness month, CNA spoke with four Catholic foster parents about their stories, and the faith that inspired them along the way. Only first names have been used to protect the children who have been or are still in their care.
“The greatest of our foster-heartbreaks has become my life’s work” – Kerry, Colorado Springs
Kerry’s family learned a lot, the hard way, from their first foster care placement, a two-year-old named Alex.
“It was hard, as Alex had suffered abuse and neglect and was terrified of all things to do with bedtimes,” Kerry said. “We spent the first week sitting outside the door of his bedroom, because he was terrified to have us in there and yet terrified to be alone.”
About seven months after Alex had been placed in their care, he was returned back to his biological father. Kerry strongly objected to that plan, telling their caseworker that she believed the father was not ready to take his son back.
Kerry’s objections were overruled, and Alex went home with his biological dad. Nine months later, Kerry learned that Alex had died of severe head trauma while in the care of his dad’s girlfriend. It was because of Alex that she began to research and advocate for the prevention of child abuse.
“The greatest of our foster-heartbreaks has become my life’s work,” Kerry said. “I am part of our county’s Not One More Child Coalition, the secretary for our local Safe Kids Colorado chapter, and the Chair of the Child Abuse Prevention Committee for our local chapter of the Exchange Club,” she said.
“We are also working to establish a child abuse prevention nonprofit called Kyndra’s Hope – named for another local foster girl who actually entered foster care in hospice, as she was not expected to live due to the severe physical abuse by her biological parents. Thanks to the prayers of her adopted mom, Kyndra is now a lively 10-year-old who, despite her disabilities, has beaten the odds.”
Kerry has adopted two of the 10 of her foster children, and provided respite care for numerous others.
Kerry said she felt relief and belonging in her local Catholic parish, because several other families have adopted children and blended families, “so to just go and sit and be a normal family with all the other people there was just really wonderful some days,” she said.
One of the main patron saints she leaned on as a foster parent was St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes.
“I was always praying to him for myself and for my kiddos who were really lost, just to help us all find ourselves,” she said.
“What do my pro-life duties entail?” – Scott; Lincoln, Nebraska
Scott and his wife were newlywed “classic, orthodox Catholics” living in Lincoln, Nebraska. While they had no known medical issues, they tried for six years to get pregnant, but it just wasn’t happening.
After mourning the loss possible biological children, the couple began to talk about adoption. While the idea of foster care surfaced at the time, “It scared us a little bit,” Scott told CNA.
They knew that many of the children they would encounter would come from difficult situations, and as first-time parents, they weren’t sure they would be able to handle that.
They adopted a son, Anthony, but they still felt the desire for more children. When they considered a second adoption, they were encouraged to look more seriously into foster care.
They took the foster parent preparation class, but still felt some hesitation, and so they “kicked the can down the road” a little longer. But something happened at their city’s annual Walk for Life that stayed with Scott.
“We go to the Walk for Life every year, and there’s a lady there every year, she had this sign and it basically said ‘Foster, adopt or shut up.’ That was what she was saying as a counter-protest to a pro-life group,” Scott recalled.
“It’s something that stuck with me because I thought you know, what do my pro-life duties entail?”
Soon after, he and his wife felt called by God to open up their home to foster children. They told the agency, thinking they would wait another year or two before getting a placement.
Ten days later, a little two-year-old named Jonathan came to stay with them. Even though he was young, the family has had to work with him on some deep-seated anger issues and speech delay problems.
“This is really pro-life,” Scott said of foster care and adoption.
“This birth mom chose life, but she can’t raise this child, and so my wife and I are going to take the ball and we’re going to do the hard work and we’re going to get through this.”
“I really feel like God called us to this, and called us to this little boy,” he added. “You can’t ignore the call – or you shouldn’t – it’s similar to a vocational call in my opinion.”
Something else that struck Scott throughout the process was how much foster parenting is promoted in Evangelical churches, including those sponsoring their family’s agency- and how infrequently he heard it mentioned in Catholic ones.
“I would say that [Evangelicals] do a fabulous job in their churches as far as promoting foster care and getting lots of families to participate,” Scott said. “And we’ve got the one true faith, so I want our families and couples to learn about this and possibly participate in it,” he added.
“I know it’s not for everybody, but there’s lots of different things other than taking a child that you can do,” he said, such as mentoring a child or offering support to other foster parents.
“We’ve always had a special spot in our heart for kids in foster care” – Jami; Omaha, Nebraska
Jami’s family, like Scott’s family, experienced a time of infertility before deciding to look into foster care or adoption as a way to grow their family.
But they were also drawn to it in other ways. Before they were married, Jami and her husband had volunteered at a summer camp that united foster care kids with siblings living in other foster homes.
“We volunteered for that as camp counselors, so we’ve always had a special spot in our heart for kids in foster care, so we wanted to try it out for that reason also,” Jami told CNA.
Jami had also grown up in Omaha, Nebraska, the home of Boystown, a temporary home for troubled boys and youth founded in 1917 by Servant of God Father Edward Flanagan.
“I have a special relationship with him, even when I was younger, I used to think he was so cool,” Jami said. “And all through us fostering, I would pray to him and through him because he knows, he helped these kids in trauma.”
Jami and her husband took an infant, Bennett, into their home. His older sister was placed in a different foster home while they waited to see if the children could be reunited with their mother.
It was an “emotional rollercoaster,” Jami said, because she knew she needed to bond with Bennett, while she also had to be prepared to let him go at any moment.
“I would pray through Fr. Flanagan and tell him just ‘please.’ I trust God and his choice in whether this kid goes home or not, because that was also really hard – I was feeling guilty for wanting to keep the baby, because it’s not yours. We’re there to help the parents,” she said.
“So I really believe that (Fr. Flanagan) was holding this whole situation, he just took care of it,” she said.
“The most challenging thing is letting yourself go, letting yourself bond with the child and not trying to protect your own heart,” Jami said, “and then coping with the emotional roller coaster because that can put a lot of stress on yourself, your husband, the whole family.”
“But the most rewarding part is helping these families, helping the parents have the time they need to overcome whatever challenges they’re facing,” she said. “And getting to bond with the (child) is such a gift because literally if you don’t give it who will? And that is such a gift to give a child.”
“This is hardcore Gospel living” – Michaela; St. Louis, Missouri
Michaela’s foster parent journey differs from many others. She and her husband already had children – four of them, all in grade school or younger – when she felt God was calling her to consider adoption.
When the topic of adoption was brought up during her bible study, “my heart just started burning for adoption, the Spirit was moving within me, but I knew that was not something I could just impose on my family or my marriage,” Michaela, who lives in St. Louis, Missouri, told CNA.
She decided to keep the inspiration quiet, and told God that if this is something he really wanted from her family, then her husband would have to voice the same desires first.
So she never mentioned it to her husband. But one day, some time later, he came to breakfast and said out of the blue: “I think we’re being called to adoption.”
As their research into adoption began, they realized that they didn’t feel called to infant or international adoption – two of the most common routes. They realized that God was actually calling them to foster care.
“It was exactly the desire of our heart, it was where God was calling,” Michaela said.
The prerequisites for foster care include classes that prepare foster parents for worst-case scenarios – children who come from broken, traumatic situations who will exhibit difficult behaviors.
But to Michaela’s surprise, “They come and they’re just the most innocent children, this pure innocence comes from a broken life, they don’t resemble the brokenness that they come from.”
Michaela’s family is relatively new to fostering – they started just six months ago – and already they’ve had four children between the ages of one and seven placed with their family.
One of the most rewarding things about foster parenting has been the lessons her biological children are learning from the experience, Michaela said.
“These aspects of the Gospel we cannot teach our children – I cannot teach you how to lay down your life for someone else. But I can show you with this,” Michaela said.
“This is Gospel, this is hardcore Gospel living.”
The hardest part about foster parenting can be letting go – the goal of foster parenting is not to keep the children, but to provide them a temporary home while their biological family can get back on their feet, Michaela said.
Michaela said that’s a concern about foster parenting that she often hears: “What if I get too attached? Isn’t it too hard?”
“These children deserve to be attached to, so they deserve us to love them so that it hurts us when they leave,” she said.
For this reason, she asks case workers to let herself and her children accompany the foster child to their next home – whether that’s with their parents or with another foster or adoptive family.
“It’s super hard for us, but it’s really good for the kids to see us cry, to know that they are loved that much, that someone would cry over them,” she said.
Michaela said she found great support as a foster parent through the Catholic Church and also through other Christian denominations.
“Our own church totally opened their arms to us, and brings over clothes and car seats and was just hugely supportive and welcoming when new kids come to church,” she said.
“Other churches have provided meals – there’s just such a community within the church, within foster care. They’re all telling us they’re praying for us – so it’s the bigger body of Christ within the foster community,” she said.
Michaela encouraged couples who are considering becoming foster parents to trust God and lean on their faith, even when it may seem like a difficult or impossible task.
“When he calls us to those scary, unknown places he provides, he just shows up in ways that we could have never planned for or imagined,” she said. “He does, he makes a way.”
Adoption and foster care programs for Catholic families can be found through local Catholic Charities or Catholic Social Service branches.
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He “identifies” as catholic in the same way that Biden does. Twisting it to suit his political purposes. I find that dishonest and disgusting. Since there is no chance of his winning the nomination, Christie should have at least kept his moral stance intact. Pathetic.
Catholics aren’t required to take everything that comes out of a pope’s mouth as gospel truth. This is a misconception of many Protestants.
To be fair, the Pope has never denied Church teaching on marriage. Gov. Christie’s use of the declaration to appear more current and politically woke is even more disheartening than Fr. Martin’s publicized actions. Unless Gov.Christie actually misunderstood the document as changing Catholic marriage requirements, which is
possible considering the confusing way it’s written and how it’s been presented by the media. And perhaps the level of catechesis in people of Gov. Christie’s generation. Who knows?
We live in strange times.
Well if he can say, as he clearly did in Amoris Laetitia, that a man can “discern” that in his concrete circumstances that he can abandon his family and run away with his mistress to start a new family, he can conclude that this is what God is asking of him at this time, then it sounds pretty clear to me that Francis’ idea of marriage isn’t exactly the same as a Catholic idea of marriage.
I don’t thin kit is wise for Christie to follow the “changing times” instead of the Word of God. First the Pope never said it was legitimate to bless gay marriage. The blessings he speaks of is the same as blessing a Rosary or a home. It doesn’t seem that Christie knows his ancestral faith very well.
Christie should run,
At a fitness center and away from the food.
Not for President.
I remember seeing an enormous chair especially built to hold the weight and girth of President Taft.
I’d never vote for Gov. Christie but it wouldn’t be based upon his size. You’re correct that he needs to be concerned about it though.
I think this comment is a little mean-spirited. Like many Americans, I have struggled with weight since my early 30s. I gained a lot of weight while pregnant and have had a terrible time losing it and have actually gained even more weight over the years–and lost it—and gained it back—and lost it—and currently, have gained back around 12 pounds of the 40 that I lost last year after retiring, and am determined to get back on track with healthy eating and walking daily and limiting my sweets–it’s HARD to lose excess weight, and I imagine that with Mr. Christie’s crazy schedule due to his choice to get involved with politics, it’s even tougher than for someone like me that has a lot of free time since retiring! Thin people have no concept, no understanding, and no sympathy for how someone like me can eat an entire large package of Oreos in 24 hours–I’m guessing that sweets are one of Mr. Christie’s weaknesses, too! It’s a lot harder than thin people think to change your entire lifestyle (which revolves around food!) and find healthy ways to deal with the cravings for sweets/salts/sofas! My motivation to continue the fight against fat is my beautiful 2-year-old grandson–I want to live long enough to see him graduate from high school! I hope that Mr. Christie can find a way to be healthy, and I pray that he and many others will continue to be wooed by the Holy Spirit (perhaps through his priests) into all truth regarding same sex couples.
I hope Gov.Christie sees the light too, Mrs. Sharon and I wish him the best for his health and weight issues.
He had stomach stapled if remember correctly
Yes.
I don’t look to Chris Christie for guidance on issues of moral probity. And, in a similar vein, I don’t look to Mr. George Bergoglio to explicate the perennial teachings of the Catholic faith. I look to Jesus Christ, the Scriptures, Church Tradition and the continuous Magisterium of the Church to guide my thinking. Bergoglio I consider to be an anomaly who will go down in the history of the papacy alongside those other popes who breached the mission of the office they held.
THE Gospels have no language condemning homosexuals. Christ instructs us to love our neighbors and homosexuals are our neighbors. We need our neighbors in Church where they can hear the Word of God—-that’s what changes people’s hearts. Whereas the Old Testament has language condemning homosexuals—-it also has language condemning the eating of pork and shellfish.
You seem to be leaving out the books of the New Testament written by St. Paul. He plainly taught against sexual immorality, which included homosexuality.
Gerald, I’d suggest that you exolore the teachings of the faith more deeply.
Gerald, the New Testament has plenty of language condemning that sort of deviancy. For goodness sakes. And Christ spelled out very clearly what and whom a marriage consists of.
There’s an extensive list of vices and disorders Our Lord didn’t specifically condemn in scripture but do you think that suggests a stamp of approval?
How about the New Testament which states there are no sodomites in Heaven? We must pray for them, not accept their sin.
Christie is just revealing how out of touch he is.
He might want to clue in on the excrement/fan response to FS before he rings in with his endorsement.
What a can of worms a few bishops and the Pope have opened. Does it help anything? Does it do harm? I have never felt such confusion in our Church as I have the past few years. Where does it all lead? When will it end?
It has all been prophesied. The second part of the Fatima third secret reveals that Satan has inserted himself to the highest reaches of the Vatican etc. This pope seems to be a Freemason who is leading the Church to the One World Church of the Antichrist. Remember, the Lord is in control. He seems to be making it clear who are the sheep and who are goats.
Perhaps it’s time to rethink the part we, as Catholics, should play in Democratic politics. Should we belong to parties, campaign, even vote? What does it mean to be “in the world but not of the world” ? What does it mean to be the leaven, salt, or light in the world? We live in a democracy but is this really compatible with Christianity. Don’t we live in a Kingdom right now. How can we have two masters? Arn’t we told that we are strangers and pilgrims merely passing through a foreign land? Why all this concern and bother about the temporal when we should be preparing ourselves for the eternal. Let’s come out from among them and get back on the straight and narrow path to eternity.
Not only are we Christians, but we are citizens of the United States of America. Your grandfathers, fathers, brothers, and husbands (and many women as well) have fought and died for this country, and every day, military, police, firefighters, and other first responders work to keep Americans safe. Our elected officials are mere men and women and make mistakes and go astray–AS WE ALL DO!!! It is our DUTY as citizens to participate in our government, which is OF THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, and FOR THE PEOPLE!! To not vote is to hand our country over to candidates who are willing to do anything to win–and I do mean ANYTHING-spend billions on a campaign, say anything, wine and dine anyone, endorse any policy–we can’t let this happen. We need to be involved as much as we are able and still manage to do our duty to our other responsibilities (church, family, workplace, etc.). And we need to do it all with the love of Christ as our motivation, and the teachings of Holy Mother Church and Sacred Scripture as our guide. If we lose and have to march into stadiums full of lions, at least we will know that we did our proper duty to our God and our Country. I love the United States and want it to be the shining beacon that our forefathers visualized.
James, be assured that there are many of us who have pondered the same dilemma – just how involved we ought to be in a government that’s corrupted beyond belief.
I don’t know about you James but I have 2 dozen descendants who have to live in this world after I’ve gone on to my reward. I have a duty to be involved in national and community affairs and elections even if I’d prefer not to.
What we neglect in our lifetime, our children and grandchildren will inherit.
Well said mrscracker.
Never does Christ instruct his disciples to go to Rome and write man-made laws to change the world. Christ gave us the Church to change people’s hearts and the world. The path to eternity runs through the Church, not Washington, DC. That is why everyone should be welcome in the Church to listen to the Word of God.
Everyone IS welcome in the church. After all, it is a hospital for sinners. The problem arises when sin itself is condoned.
give unto Ceasers what is Ceasers
in the G address, Lincoln reiterated that our country was basically an experiment:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
Who would have expected otherwise. The man is a product of post-conciliar catechesis at bests, if any at all. In essence, he is an example of the synodal katholic who live out of the virtue of convenience, with only a marginal grasp of up from down.
Chris Christie needs to read the Bible. You Cannot change Doctrine.
Politician, not statesman.
There is a world of difference.
God and Gods’ word never changes. God has sent numerous reformers to get this church back on track, but for some purpose He has hardened their hearts for His glory and purpose.
His presidential ambitions are one big fat joke. No doubt he will immediately get a private audience with the Pope if Father Jimmy Martin doesn’t get there first.
The new triumvirate: Obama, Christie and Fernandez? Read on…
Yea verily, the attitude of President Obama was also said to have “evolved,” between 2008 and the days immediately following his re-election in 2012. In 2008 he said, “‘I believe marriage is between a man and a woman; I am not in favor of gay marriage.’ This was a flat out lie according to his political advisor at the time, David Axelrod” (Recounted by Thomas McArdle, “Is Al Smith Dinner Still Worthwhile,” National Catholic Register, October 30, 2016).
Today, well, now candidate Christie already blurts that he’s in step with the signs of the times, whether married or not. But, let yours truly be the first to squash the possible rumor that Fr. James Martin is Christie’s campaign manager! Not at all! Martin is already too busy grooming Cardinal Fernandez.
Oh, now about Fernandez and his shunning of Scriptural citations…How about this less serpentine counsel: “…let your yes be yes, your no, no; that you may not fall under judgment” (James 5:12). Judgment, what judgment; who am I to judge?
“I had to change the way I’ve been raised both from a family perspective and what my mother and father taught me and felt and also from a religious perspective and what my Church taught me to believe”.
If Cardinal Fernández were not aware of the expected general interpretation of Fiducia Supplicans [FS] he must suffer a gapping cognitive blindspot. Whereas former governor Christie, a career in the judiciary as US attorney for NJ entirely capable of reading the message as sanctification of homosexuality. And isn’t this exactly what His Holiness Francis has had as a major objective during his pontificate?
Chris Christie’s sad conversion to the dark side of morality is a confirmation of Pres Biden’s all out promotion of disordered sexual behavior. How long will it take for a once staunch Catholic to acquiesce to abortion on demand? As scripture warned a time will come when even the elect will be in peril. What extravagant overtures of sanctity will we now hear from His Holiness to muffle the horror?
Love your neighbor means inviting everyone to Church to listen to the Word of God. The Church is the tool Christ gave us to change the world. It is an act of kindness to invite our neighbors to join us at Church.
I suggest Chris Christie and Pontiff Francis could just trade places, since it wouldn’t change anything.
It would be very mean to suggest that Governor Christie might be thinking that if the Church now allows blessings for homosexual couples that it could in the future declare that gluttony is no longer one of the deadly sins. Any comment to that effect should be blocked.
Perfectly understandable in the dim light of FS.
Chris Christie would do well to reflect before speaking, but he may be a bit desperate to continue as a Presidential candidate. However, we already have plenty of people who will slide with the times and strive to look “hip” and “with it.” Sadly, genuine leadership is a rarity, and so called leaders of today just run faster than their fellow followers.