Denver, Colo., Feb 15, 2020 / 04:00 am (CNA).- After the suicide of a Missouri priest last month, psychologists talked with CNA about the issues priests can face when they need help with caring for their mental heatlh.
Fr. Evan Harkins of Kansas City took his own life in late January, leaving parishioners and friends across the country mourning the beloved priest.
Shortly after Harkin’s death, Bishop Vann Johnston of Kansas City-St. Joseph said the priest had a “sunny” personality, but had begun to struggle with anxiety and his physical health.
The bishop said the priest’s decision to end his life might have been connected to his medication.
He said Harkins had developed serious stomach and gastrointestinal issues, which seemed to cause him anxiety.
“He was given a prescription drug to deal with the anxiety and was experiencing some of the extreme negative side effects of this drug including terrible nightmares, among other things,” Johnston explained.
Though the factors leading to his death are no doubt comlicated, the priest’s death has begun a discussion about the mental health needs of priests, and the stigmas that surround them.
Dr. Melinda Moore is a Licensed Psychologist and Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychology at Eastern Kentucky University and has studied Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality (CAMS).
Moore told CNA that suicide prevention steps are incredibly important. She pointed to studies that show how a single individual’s suicide can have a devastating effect that ripples throughout the community.
“We’ve got 48,000 Americans who are dying by suicide every year. … [These are] Americans who are killing themselves and leaving entire families, networks, communities devastated by their deaths. We know that for every person who dies by suicide, there are 135 people exposed. Out of those 135, forty-eight people will be seriously impacted by the death.”
“What we know is these people who are impacted significantly, they have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and another study showed suicide attempt. So not only are these 40,000 Americans killing themselves every year, they’re leaving all this collateral damage that amounts to over 2 million people every year,” she said.
Suicide among priests, and pastors of other Christian denominations, occurs more commonly than expected, Moore said. However, she said religious leaders often face stigmas about seeking psychological help.
“Priests are no different from the rest of us. The difference is that priests and other clergy oftentimes are idealized and held to a standard where they feel like they can’t ask for help. They are the individuals that other people come to for help, and so they themselves feel like they can’t seek help.”
Moore said suicide is not always tied to mental illness. But she said people who commit suicide often encounter three feelings – not belonging, being a burden to others, and the sense that that could carry out lethal self-harm.
“They oftentimes feel like they’re a burden, and then they also sometimes feel like they no longer belong to a community that they once belonged to … It’s like they really feel like people would be better off if they weren’t alive, that they are a burden to their loved ones, ” Moore said.
“Lastly, there’s this thing called acquired capability to enact lethal self-harm. It’s sort of a fearlessness in the face of death. It actually takes a lot of courage to kill yourself,” she added.
Dr. Christina Lynch was director of psychological services at St. John Vianney Theological Seminary in Denver from 2007 until she retired about a month ago. Lynch is still a supervising psychologist for the seminary, and is an advisor for the Catholic Psychotherapy Association (CPA), which she previously served as president.
Lynch told CNA that stigmas among priests regarding psychology differ depending on several factors, like location, age, and community. She said counseling may be looked down upon by older generations, noting that millennials are more sympathetic to it.
Lynch also said a sense of shame about getting psychological help may worsen if the priest or seminarian does not view the therapy setting as confidential or safe.
Shame among priests about seeking help gets worse among priests if mental health care is not supported by the bishop or laity. Lynch applauded the decision of Bishop James Conley of Lincoln, who announced in December that he was taking a leave of absence to focus on mental health.
Lynch also said the laity have a unique opportunity to support priests, even through simple actions like inviting them over to dinner.
“If they don’t have support from their bishop, they feel shame or they don’t want to go to counseling. So the support they received from the bishop is really important. I’m sure you read the article by Bishop Conley. I’ve heard from so many priests since then that this just gave them courage.”
“The laity have a role to play with the parish priest. They need to be praying for them, be friends with them. A lot of times laity are afraid to be really friends with their priests … They need to be attentive to their priests and make sure they’re supporting them … The more support a priest is going to get from everybody instead of criticism, the better it is going to be for them.”
Dr. Cynthia Hunt, a Catholic psychologist, is a board advisor for the Catholic Medical Association and has also served as Chief of the Department of Psychiatry at the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula.
Hunt said that stigmas about mental therapy are pervasive among clergy. She highlighted several reasons why priests might consider therapy a difficult process to access.
“There seems to be a shame surrounding the very human need for assistance in the mental health realm,” she said.
“Some difficulties which might bar priests from accessing therapy include their desire for more privacy (not wanting to sit in a waiting room), issues of shame, as noted above, as well as the desire to ‘work things out on their own’.”
“Priests may consider their depression or anxiety a ‘flaw’ in their character. They also may not recognize the severity of their symptoms or realize that there is treatment,” Hunt added.
Hunt said that anxiety and depression can be as common among priests as it is among the general population. She said hereditary traits may contribute to a priest’s emotional issues, and addictions, like alcohol abuse, can exacerbate the problems.
The psychologist highlighted the options that priests can take to address these concerns.
“Priests may obtain therapy from a variety of disciplines including Licensed Clinical Social Workers, Marriage Family Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and other licensed professional counselors. The type of therapy can be tailored to the needs of the priest to include but not limited to psychodynamic Therapy, trauma-informed therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, and affirmation therapy,” she said.
While rural areas may face a lack of counselors, Hunt noted, there has been an increase in telemedicine, where priests can access therapy through video-platforms.
Hunt said psychological healing is best addressed through a holistic approach – a combination of biological, psychological, social and spiritual efforts. She said that while medication is not always necessary, it can be helpful, especially when coupled with counseling.
However, she added that some medications, like Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), have an occasional side effect, and people may continue to have recurring anxiety and depression throughout their life.
“SSRIs improve many symptoms of anxiety and depression through their biochemical action on neurotransmitters such as serotonin and others … With more balance again in the neurotransmitter system, many symptoms improve including but not limited to panic, chronic anxiety levels, low mood, sleep or appetite issues, fatigue, lack of enjoyment of things once enjoyed and suicidal thinking,” she said.
“As with all medications, there can be side effects. In the case of SSRIs these tend to be quite mild and short-lived such as nausea and headache. There are very rare but serious effects which can include increased agitation, restlessness or suicidal thinking.”
In order to address the possibility of suicide among priests, Dr. Moore told CNA that dioceses should focus strongly on education regarding suicide awareness and suicide prevention methods.
She said the topic should be addressed at the pulpit, and dioceses should also make more resources available, including the suicide hotline number and health care professionals. She also said priests should educate themselves through books designed to address their needs. Hunt mentioned “Preventing Suicide: A Handbook for Pastors, Chaplains and Pastoral Counselors” by Karen Mason.
For her part, Moore applauded initiatives the Diocese of Lexington, Kentucky has begun to support suicide prevention and mental health. She the dioceses has provided resources and sought to be more sympathetic to the deceased and their families.
“[I am] very pleased that the Diocese of Lexington, which is led by Bishop John Stowe, has been very much an ally in putting out messages around being attuned and being sensitive to people who are in crisis … but then also those people who’ve lost a loved one to suicide, making sure that the loved one who died is not demonized, and that the loved ones are provided resources.”
Father Anthony Sciarappa, the parochial vicar of Holy Spirit Parish of Lawrence County, Pennsylvania, told CNA about his experience with therapy and mental health. He said, during his first year of seminary, he struggled with anxiety and depression.
“We had lots of events as seminarians where we put on our seminary uniform and we were supposed to meet with people, talk with people and all that was overwhelming. I would be physically, like, ill and sick, just paralyzed with that.”
“I have been suffering from anxiety and depression and I thought that’s just how everyone lives and that was just normal,” he said.
Sciarrappa’s bishop lived at the seminary where he studied. About six months into Scriarappa’s formation, the bishop, having spoken with the seminary faculty, encouraged the young seminarian to enter into therapy.
“When the bishop told me, I think I just started crying and his office right there, because it was just so overwhelming to be faced with the fact that I do need help,” he said.
It was a difficult concept to grasp, he noted, because therapy and mental illness were not topics typically discussed during his childhood. He said, among other stigmas, he considered therapy to be a tool for crazy people.
“I didn’t know anybody who had done this before. It wasn’t something that was ever just talked about in my circles growing up,” he said.
He went to a therapist for about three years. He went back to counseling during major seminary in Washington D.C. He described therapy as both a difficult and valuable process.
During counseling, Sciarappa said, he had to work through “core wounds” and the issues affected by habits learned during childhood. He said, “going through that is really hard work.”
“There were so many days I’d be exhausted after everything, but once [I brought] those things into the light I could make more sense of my life.”
It got easier as he progressed through the process, Sciarappa noted, stating that he began to acknowledge the fruits of therapy and witness its impact on his health. He said, because of therapy, he learned the tools and skills to cope with depression and anxiety. He said it helped to better understand himself and what to expect from these kinds of struggles
“It was like mechanisms and how to cope and strategies,” he said. “Now we see what’s going on with the problem and why that’s going on. For me, finding out why I struggled with this then helped me deal with it more and more.”
When asked about how to best priests can maintain mental health, Sciarappa stressed the importance of outside support, including spiritual direction, close friendships, and a priest support group to which he belongs.
The priestly support group meets once a month at one of the member’s rectories. At each meeting, there are two moderators, one a trained therapist, to help the team keep on track.
He said the group discusses personal struggles, like loneliness, but also struggles particular to priests, including the clerical abuse scandals, and priest relocation. Sciarappa said it is significant to have peers to confide in. It is not appropriate to be as open with parishioners, he added, noting it is nevertheless valuable to have community among the laity.
“It’s so important to have a brother priest so he can talk honestly about stuff, about difficulties, about insecurities,” he said. “I’m not going to spill my guts out to the random parishioner– that would be unhealthy for them and for me.”
“I think it’s [valuable to have] supportive, close friends, priests, laypeople. That’s the biggest thing,” he said. “I’ll talk about different things in those different circles or talk about them in different ways, but that way nothing that is going on stays in the darkness.”
Sciarappa said it’s difficult to enter into these suffering places, recognizing one’s need for help and therapy. However, he said the experience has also given him more empathy and allowed him to truly experience the grace of God.
“It’s given me tools where I can recognize it in other people. The big thing … it’s made me a more empathetic person,” he said.
“Going through that suffering and having Christ redeem it and heal me more and more, when I speak to people about hope, when I speak to people [about] how healing can happen, I can speak about it from a place of experience. It’s not theoretical, I really mean it. And that’s going to change the way you preach. That’s going to change the way you talk to people.”
[…]
In any case most of the baptised, or those who took vows for the Kingdom rarely get even the Hope for everlasting life God offers to His beloveds in the Paradise, where each man and women enjoy invisible God’s (spousal) Love through opposite sex, who are effectively visible Body of God. Thus how among the n number of ways a sinner can remain in original sin is exposed by this monk and merely display that all humans ending up in eternal death are similarly living up by God’s Fatherly Mercy (not Love), which effectively also nurture potential saints through their life into adults suitable for paradise. May God uses this aspiring person’s efforts to exhibit a miracle there by this person might get a wee hint what God meant when He hints of everlasting bodily life for saints.
The confusion seems to enter into the article about confusion:
(quote) “by allowing a female monk”
There is no such thing as “a female monk”, there is either “a female nun” or more correctly “a nun” or “a male monk” or simply “monk”. Monks mean “man”, “nun” means woman. Hence, a woman cannot be a monk, she can only be a nun – in the Church at least.
Good show.
The fact that the Diocese of Lexington published a statement referring to this individual, a female, as “he” and “Brother” shows where the true confusion lies. The current pontiff’s public declarations of the demonic nature of gender ideology, if not merely a sop thrown to Backwardists, seem worth heeding.
“Risk”?
They succeeded.
I believe what this misguided woman is doing is morally wrong. As a Catholic publication you should know that a diocesan hermit is not a monk. We excuse secular news when they get this stuff wrong but for a Catholic news source one then wonders what else about this story is factual or sensationalized. In other words don’t make it worse than it is and further confuse and already confused Faithful!
It’s a valid question—can a transgender person become a consecrated hermit? Not a question we would have even asked 10 years ago.
He is NOT a monk or member of a specie religious Order while he did receive formation from a Benedictine Abbey. He was NOT a monk of that community! He is a hermit of the Diocese to which he resides and it is that Diocese that he was from that Diocese that received and professed as a hermit. “A hermit is recognized by law as one dedicated to God in consecrated life if he or she publicly professes in the hands of the diocesan bishop the three evangelical counsels, confirmed by vow or other sacred bond, and observes a proper program of living under his direction. Can. 604 §1.”
HE is a she.
“He” is not a he. “He” is a she. A female, XX chromosomes and all that.
First off, we all have to reference that Christian Matson is a self-professed hermit. A hermit is a person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse. There is a big difference between the type of hermit Ms. Matson professes (work in the arts and to live a life of contemplation in a private hermitage), to that of Saint Benedict who professed his life to the Word of God and Prayer.
I am a Benedictine Oblate in Missouri and we just call this type of discussions as Hog-Wash. I am not ignorant to the spin about Dignitas Infinita and I understand the narrative being argued but this person has done nothing to change or alter her sexuality I find only a mental defect for which we should pray for this person.
No! Webster: A hermit is a person living in solitude as a religious discipline. The only concern would be what dicipline is being applied? Is she doomed for Hell? Can her gender transition be reversed, like a vasectomy? Does her family still love and support her/him? We know that current dogma rejects women from ordination, but a celibate trans Nun?
God raise up all exhiled hermits from the ashes of abnormality.
The Church should not put her imprimatur behind social psychosis.
The greater scandal is generated by Bishop Stowe, a successor of the Apostles, for allowing and promoting this diabolical disorientation.
“For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ.” (2 Cor 11:13)
You hit the bullseye, Maggie!
Thank you for the affirmation, DeaconEdwardPeitler. I’d love to hear one of your homilies. I’d be willing to bet you give the kind we sorely need to start hearing again in our parishes.
Maggie, there is one online that a parishioner of a parish I was once a member of put there with my permission. If you Google: “Every day is Newtown in America”, you should be able to access it. God bless.
Deacon Edward, I read your fine homily, and it is indeed the kind we should be hearing more often from our American pulpits! It tackles in a unique way the toughest moral issue of our culture today, which tragically we hear so little about.
(Indeed, we hear the least about the most important and toughest moral issues!)
I urge other readers to google and read “Every Day is Newtown in America” by Deacon Ed Peitler
In the Seattle area the only person in the car was ticketed for driving in the high-occupancy-vehicle lane. With him was his dog. The driver explained to the judge that “my dog identifies as a person.”
It is farce to propose this individual posing as a man “raises the danger of scandal”, it is scandalous. The issue is that the Church is put in the position of supporting the position that rejects God’s creation. She has lived her life denying herself. That which motivates this denial is deeply sad – sad for her and her confusion to live a lie while posing as a hermit.
Those that support her position are unworthy of any position of authority and are in a state of rebellion and apostasy. Either they repent or they should be removed.
Love your neighbor.
That Stowe does not recognize the serious mental disorder going on here is disturbing – as a pastoral care issue. He compounds the pastoral malpractice by affirming it as edifying. I can excuse the confused hermit, but the bishop’s behavior has done far more damage to the Church and society – and struggling gender dysphoric individuals – than the hermit ever could. Stowe is more interested in grand-standing and virtue signaling to the progressive wing than he is in the pastoral care of the hermit and others who are afflicted with this disorder. Shame on Stowe.
Spot on. But in regards to the individual claiming to be a hermit…one does not go looking for the limelight with public declarations while simultaneously declaring their vocation to solitude.
This issue can be resolved in a fairly concise manner:
1. Stop referring to a woman as “he.” She is not a monk.
2. Laicize her immediately and impose harsh discipline on the monastery leaders who supported this fraud.
So much could be said but lets keep it simple.
Bishop Stowe facilitated this conundrum. The lack of prudence exhibited by him in this situation and others is grounds for “reassignment.”
And the individual ostensibly desiring to grow in intimacy with the Lord in “solitude” as a “hermit” has a genius for turning the hermitage into center stage enjoying the limelight.
Clerical incompetency and malicious fraudulence have met.
When do we wake up?
They’re all frauds- the hermit and the hermit’s woke bishop. The hermit should shut up, return to the hermitage and take Stowe with him
The hermit is no hermit and apparently there is no hermitage. The individual need return to the closet and be still. They are in an act of public scandal and scaring the horses.
Can we agree, James, that the ersatz hermit should just shut up?
That Stowe would take this person in, is no suprise, and this person knew this when applying to Stowe to be a recognized hermit.
That neither Stowe or this person have a clue about the true hermit life is no suprise, either…both Stowe’s trumpeting of the existence of the hermit, and this person’s own self-publicity show this only a stunt for both…a hermit leads a hidden life.
My question is also one of finances, and if this person self-supporting, in which case, outside official diocean recognition, they could call themselves a Zen elephant, giraffe, or Catholic hermit to their heart’s content.
But if Stowe is using diocese funding to support his own pro-gay agenda via this person, both should be hung out to dry…
That the article focuses only on experts opining that an officially diocese recognized transexual hermit is a scandal, is like an article focusing on experts telling me that night is dark and here are the assorted grades of dark…..oh, really?
Bishop Stowe has long been a staunch advocate for homosexuality, transgenderism, and many things contrary to the Catholic faith. His churches fly gay pride flags, etc.
He also wades into politics, precisely in the manner you would expect. From America Magazine:
“In a strongly worded newspaper column, a Kentucky bishop urged Catholics to consider the church’s full teaching on life and to resist temptations to align themselves with the “Make America Great Again” movement started by President Trump.”
He was upset that during the March for Life, somebody wore a red MAGA baseball cap.
Bishop Stowe also publicly castigated the young man who the media tried to crucify for “smirking” in the face of a Native American drum beater. That kid later won a 200 million dollar lawsuit against CNN for defaming him. I wonder why the good bishop was not sued as well.
Other Stowe headlines “Bishop John Stowe: LGBTQ community an example of “unselfish love.” Stowe gives the headline address at meetings of James Martin’s “Outreach” organization.
You cannot expect such a bishop to uphold Catholic teaching in any way. After years of telling Catholics to do exactly what Pope Francis says, now he ignores Pope Franci’s latest document.
I have a feeling that this woman is quilty of having committed a grave sin of deception. It’s not clear if this current Bishop was the one who granted her permission to become a hermit or a predecessor, but clearly there was deception. It’s one thing if she was living as a self proclaimed hermit, but quite another if she is indeed a hermit living as a diocesan hermit under the supervision and direction of the bishop. In the former case she could well be a mentally ill person who is living in a delusional world. In the latter she would be a woman who has deliberately deceived a bishop over an extended period of time (it takes a matter of years to achieve this status) in order to become something she wasn’t. This is a sin which must be dealt with. Now that it is a public matter, a very clear public statement from the bishop is needed.
Bishop Stowe’s response is what should be expected of him. Pope Francis described the problem with such bishops a few days ago.
….”This wicked serpent, like an unclean torrent, pours into men of depraved minds and corrupt hearts the poison of his malice, the spirit of lying, impiety and blasphemy, and the deadly breath of impurity. These crafty enemies of mankind have filled to overflowing with gall and wormwood the Church, which is the Bride of the Lamb without spot; they have laid profane hands upon here most sacred treasures. Make haste, therefore, O invincible Prince, to help the people of God against the inroads of the lost spirits and grant us victory. Amen” From the Saint Michael the Archangel prayer. In Deliverance Prayers, Fr Chad Ripperger.
Fairly concise, Fraud? Webster: “Fraud is the wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain”. Laisize her? You could give “her” the maximum. She should be sent to jail. Forget her parents.
Will we ever understand one another? Walk in her/his shoes.
Your are already a pretty bad hermit if you seek some sort of public approval of your lifestyle. Be a child of God or not. This is a mockery.
I once wrote here about my “vision” of the reversed sock i.e. how currently the evil is labouring over the Church trying to “reverse” it so to speak, presenting the wrong side as right etc., something along the lines of Bosch’s paintings. Here I see that “reversed sock” again: the twist is trying to pose as a norm – once this new norm is accepted all the Church must be reversed accordingly.
The story with “a trans-hermit” made me recall another story of so-called “elder-virgin” Dosiphey which happened in 18c. Russia which is the direct opposite to what is being discussed.
Dosipheya, a daughter of very wealthy parents, was brought up in a convent by her grandmother who was a nun. When her grandmother became a hermit, the young woman was taken back home. She did not like being in the world and wanted to be a nun but her parents were adamantly against it, wanting her to marry. She ran away to Moscow with an intention to enter a convent but was recognized so she dressed in a male peasant dress. Because she was tall and somewhat masculine looking, she was accepted to the male monastery as a novice with the name Dosiphey” (a male form of her name). Unfortunately, in a while she was recognized again by some visitors of the monastery so she ran away to Kiev.
There she settled in a cave in a proximity of a male monastery. Everyone thought she was a male ascetic. With years she became known as one who can read hearts and discern the souls and people would stream to the hermit for advice. She spoke to people but never showed her face. Her fame was so big that even the Empress visited her and by her order “Dosiphey”was clothed as a monk (I presume the empress also thought Dosiphea was a man). She became an official hermit in the monastery. At some point Dosiphea was visited by her own sister who did not recognize her and gave her the advice not to look for those who hid themselves for the sake of God.
Her death was holy; she asked forgiveness from each of brethren in the monastery and was found dead the next day kneeling before icons. In her hand was found a note in which she stated that her body is prepared for the burial so it should be buried as it is. She died in her fifties.
She was venerated as the blessed (a monk) by the brethren and many others. When her sister visited the monastery again, she recognized her sister in the portrait of the blessed Dosiphey. This is how her story became known.
This story shed some light on the “reversed sock” of a trans-hermit. Dosiphea, a woman, chose to pose as a man because there was no other way to hide herself and to have safety living in a cave. She lived in a total obscurity, being dead to the world even more than the regular monks.
Seems like she began her career as a hermit by lying about her real sex. Not a good way to start the religious life. Then announces her status which causes further scandal. Shame on the Bishop for acting like all of this is OK.
Ah, these people, they claim to want natural and are hysterical about the way that humans have harmed this poor planet – but no problem disregarding or mutilating the way that God naturally made them.
All the other animals seem to figure this one out, quite naturally!
Bishop John Stowe.
Religion News Service.
No need to read further.
Peace my friends
I have read many comments that condemn this woman and the Bishop for not casting the first stone. John 8:1-11 What did Jesus say: Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” 11 “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” Adultery v Posing as a male – Again, strong comments here.
Do you even know any folks that are transgender? I worked at the Outpatient Pharmacy of The Christ Hospital for years. We had a Doctor in the Medical Office Building that did gender reassignment procedures. Sorry, I did not know any female transitioning to male patients. I did know many male patients transitioning to female. There was not one of these patients that was doing this because it was a fad or popular, these were people trapped in a male body that did not have one male trait.
This should break your heart not bring out condemnation. Go on, throw the first stone you hypocrites. Maybe you should read Matthew 25:31-46 to find out what it takes to stay out of Hell.
I find your statement to be a good example of the ideology of the “nice party”, in the Church and in the world. Let us establish some clarity here. (And yes, I knew a transsexual, a biological woman who acquired a male body but it does not matter; why will be said later.)
You wrote: “I have read many comments that condemn this woman and the Bishop for not casting the first stone.”
What is “casting first stone”? – It is to punish for a sin. The woman in your example was about to be punished according to the Jewish law. Our Lord did not interfere until those whose aim was to catch Him on a violation of the law, addressed him. He then asked one who has never sinned to throw the first stone, beginning the execution which would lead to death.
Note that Jesus did not say “she did not sin, drop the stones”. Furthermore, he confirmed she sinned via saying “go and sin no more”. Did Jesus “cast the first stone” via saying that she was sinning = saying the truth? Obviously not. Then, analogically, the commentators here are also not casting a stone but are stating the truth, namely that the Church cannot accept untruth i.e. treating a biological woman as a man. The removal of “the female hermit monk” from the male religious organization and putting her into an appropriate one (female or unisex) would not be a punishment but a restoration of the truth.
You asked: “Do you even know any folks that are transgender?”
Your question is not really relevant because here we are discussing a basic (primitive even) objective truth, that a man cannot be a female and vice versa. The fact that some know transgender people and some do not cannot change this truth – it can only influence the degree of compassion for a human suffering – or may not, if the transgender people whom one knows are obnoxious, just it is the case with any kind of people.
The truth is that hormones and surgery cannot make a man into a woman and vice versa because an appearance does not make them such. A woman who had a double mastectomy b.o. of breast cancer does not become a man; a man who lost his penis due to an accident or developed breasts b.o. a hormonal imbalance or medical treatment does not become a woman. From here follows that the true mercy would be to state to the transgenders the truth i.e.:
“No surgery will ever make you a man (or a woman). You will get an artificial body which has to be supported and maintained via various damaging drugs. If now you are a woman who thinks that she is a man trapped in the female body, after the surgeries you will be a woman literally trapped in the fake of the male body – so you are exchanging a real sex/gender and a real body for a fake sex/gender and a fake body. Hence, what if we try first to do thorough psychotherapy and find out what in your psyche makes you feel this way.”
My study of human psychology (including psychoanalysis) enables me to recognize in many transgenders, who seek to change their bodies, the symptoms which are exhibited by people who suffer borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, bulimia/anorexia depression and so on. Very often it is one unhappy boiling mix of pain and self-loathing which simply takes different (available) forms. More often than not this self-loathing stems from early trauma, abuse, toxic family environments and so on – children in such families feel they are not acceptable so they are ready to do anything to be accepted (including self-mutilation, psychological and physical).
My opinion is also informed by the sci-data which shows higher than average incidence of abuse/other troubles in the families of transgenders, and also of emotional incest. I was astonished when one of such people, a biological woman, confessed that although she mentioned anorexia/anxiety, depression etc. and those symptoms were never paid attention to during her interview which led her to mastectomy. “A psychologist” couldn’t care less. Surely, they would say “they wished good to the young woman” (who is now detransitioning). It is well-known now that those who “assess” such people simply usher them towards “a treatment”.
How could it be than that those who say they are so compassionate to the transgenders are in reality do not bother to propose the much less damaging option which will most likely allow them to avoid the surgery, first? – Most likely because they are deluded as a result of believing that a man can become a woman and a woman can become a man. In that, informed by the lie (or a delusion) system of values, those who try to prevent irreversible damage are “unkind” and so on. This is why you see those who hold on to the objective truth “man is man, woman is woman” as “stone-throwers”. Our refusal to accept the lie threatens your “nice” i.e. purely narcissistic, system.